I have to share my Journal......

Entry. I have kept a journal on and off since surgery. This is about Volume 5..I just sat on my back porch writing in it and decided that maybe if I share it I can get some feedback and MAYBE I will LISTEN to what I write.........so please bear with me..... 5/15   153.4# " What IS it going to take? 160? This MUST STOP and no one can make it stop but ME! I almost wish I had an eating disorder where I HATED food and where I OBSESSED over exercise. Now I have to drop 10 pounds to get where I was...Forget 143, I'd just be happy to see 147 again!Then 143! I MUST STOP eating. I am a STRESS eater. I am a BOREDOM eater. I am a LONELY eater. And I dont know WHAT it is going to take to control it. Part of it is NOT TO HAVE ACCESS to it. Its not that I eat out of machines at work. just like yesterday. The drugstore. Not 1, but TWO candybars...and as soon as something doesnt go my way at work, i scarf one down - then I say - what the hell - and eat the other one".............. Thanks for allowing my confession..... MDL

You've taken the first step; identifying the issue.  You recognize that you have unhealthy behaviors and thoughts about eating at inappropriate times for inappropriate reasons.  Kudos to you for recognizing what you need to change.   In terms of how to change, I'd suggest that you work on changing your thoughts.  Figure out what healthy, adaptive thoughts you want to replace your unhealthy thoughts with.  When you're stressed, what will you do instead of eating?  Some suggestions - go for a walk, listen to some music that you like, call a friend, read a magazine article.  You're looking for some healthy coping mechanisms to deal with stress.  Exercise is a great stress reliever if that's something you're willing to explore.   Same thing for when you're bored or lonely; I'd suggest making a list of healthy things you can do instead when that boredom or loneliness strikes.  Prepare yourself before the trigger happens; when it does happen (and it will), consciously replace your old, unhealthy thoughts (a candy bar will make me feel better) with your new, healthy thoughts/plans.  If you work on it, I'm positive you can learn new healthy behaviors to replace the old unhealthy ones you've identified.   I think a lot of us struggle with these issues.  Many of us turned to food for almost everything, and the bigger we got, the more true that became.  So eventually almost all of our lives revolved around food.  It takes time to change those behaviors, and for me I have to work on it a little bit at a time.  But it does work...   I wish you good luck and continued success on your journey -  Kellie Lap RNY 10/25/2005 396/205/165?

I can relate to alot of what you're saying and this sounds very familiar to things that I say to  my therapist about food and my relationship with food. I am an emotional eater and addicted to food~I get that, but I don't know how to stop it  sometimes. There are times when I have so much "control" and other times when I just don't give a ****!!!! If I get angry or upset I eat~Why?? I'm not hurting the person that I'm mad at~I'm only hurting myself! And they truly don't care that I'm pissed at them so I ate candy, in fact they have no clue that I'm even doing it so it has no impact on them, only me. Why do I hurt myself? How can I be so personally destructive sometimes?  It doesn't make any sense to me so that's why I'm in therapy, LOL!  Maybe try to look at the good side of things. You've caught this at 10lbs, not 50lbs. 10lbs is very doable. It might not happen today or tomorrow, but you can get it back off eventually. Also, I'm not sure how tall you are or where you fall in as far as bmi~is 143lbs at the low end for you?  Is it hard to maintain at that weight? At 5'9" I made it down to 150lbs at my lowest but let me tell ya, even if I"m being really "good", its hard for me to maintain that weight consistantly so I allow myself to bounce around in the 150's~I refuse to see 160 again, but I need room to play a little. I'm afraid if I'm too strict on myself then someday I'll just say screw it all and end up obese again. Anyway, thanks for sharing the journal entry with us. It honestly does help to look at others struggles and how they are dealing with them~it gives me perspective and insight into this whole wls experience.

I can totally relate to everything you said.  I too am a stress, boredom and lonely eater.  My stress of late has been the fact my dh lost his job right before Thanksgiving of last year.  Then over Christmas we found out momma has lymphoma.  So, over the last six months I have put on 15 pounds getting close to 20.  I have got to get this under control, but am finding it hard to do so.  Anyway, I just wanted to say I can so relate.   By the way, if you do not mind me asking, what part of AL are you from?  My dh has finally gotten a job that will be moving us to AL.  We used to live in AL and Dr. Miles is my surgeon but we lived in northern AL at that time, Cullman.  Now we will be moving to southwest AL, about 60 to 70 miles north of Mobile.  Anyway, God bless as you take on this fight of emotional eating. Shel

Good Morning, I can also relate to what you are going through. Something that I have started to do is on an index card list some of the main advantages of losing or maintaining my weight and then on the back of the same card I wrote " As much as I want to eat and enjoy this losing or maintaining weight is much more important to me. " I read this before each meal and anytime during the day that I am struggling. It has helped to keep me focused on my goal. Just and idea ,hope it might help you . Hugs, Shelly

I have done this for over two years and it resulted in a lot more than 10 pounds.  You responded to my post the other day so I know that you have read my solution.  This was suggested (read ordered) by my surgeon.  And it's a good thing to talk with your surgeon about anything that you are going to do - especially if you do something drastic like I am - three protein shakes a day and that's all - no food. My surgeon explained that this not only helps get the weight off efficiently but works as a behavior modification tool as well.  The object is to weigh everyday and then if we gain a couple of pounds, go on the all protein drinks.  That way, it doesn't get out of control and  you eventually get so tired of being in what he calls Time Out, that you quit abusing food. Don't worry about confessing - it helps us get back on track. Patty 9 days in time out and down 10 pounds

I am so glad I am not the only one who can eat two candy bars, Man it feels so good to admit that! I know exactly how you feel. I struggle all week "doing good" and then its like a free for all on the weekends. No matter what I lose during the week I put it back on after the weekend if not a little more. Its an ongoing battle with me. What really sucks is when I don't make it to the weekend before I start messing up. I am a major sweet a holic. I feel ya! Candy

Please excuse the duplicate post, but this seems to fit your situation as well as the previous post. Sally I agree with what everyone else has said--and I'm working on the same thing.  Keeping the weight off is going to be the real challenge.  You might check out a couple of books I'm finding helpful: The Beck Diet Solution: How to Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person Winning After Losing The first is written by a cognitive behavioral therapist.  It is all about retraining your thinking about food.  It doesn't have a diet to follow as it is all about changing your behaviors by changing your thinking. The second is written by a woman who had gastric bypass and has maintained the loss.  Again, a lot of it is about thoughts and attitudes influencing behaviors. While I am still losing weight, I know that I eat things I shouldn't and don't need to.  I am an evening muncher and a candy jar at work person.  These behaviors have already slowed down the loss, so I need to get a grip on my habits now.  I don't want to be sabatoging myself for when the 3 year weight regain tends to hit. Good luck, Sally

I am right there with you. I have no advice really. This is only to say you are never alone. Best wishes and love to you. -jazz