Goldfish Bowl Syndrome?

I have struggled with this Goldfish Bowl Syndrome since my surgery, and I'm just not sure how to get past it and put it behind me once and for all.  Suggestions and comments are welcome! Okay, so what the heck is she talking about?  What is this Goldfish Bowl Syndrome?  Well, I'm sure that all of us have experienced it - most especially since having weight loss surgery, but many of us prior to surgery.....  the feeling that we are swimming in the goldfish bowl and everyone (on the outside) is watching and critiquing everything we do - in our case, everything we eat. I was very conscious of this when I weighed 350 pounds.  Not only when I ate, but when I grocery shopped (are they looking in my cart and shaking their heads in pity?), shopped for clothes, etc.  During the honeymoon phase following my surgery, I KNEW and WAS PREPARED for the feeling of being watched - and believe it or not, I was okay with it.  I was proud that I finally had a handle on my eating and the weight was effortlessly falling off.   Even the fact that people felt compelled to criticize my GOOD choices didn't really bother me because I was doing what I was supposed to be doing and the results were showing. So, how come (nearly four years later) do I still feel like I'm swimming in this goldfish bowl with everyone watching me?  Are they really watching me or is it the guilt I feel for not having reached my goal and even dealing with a little re-gain in the process?  Are they shaking their heads in pity and saying, "She failed once again...." Or, how do I deal with the people that don't understand that, four years later, the amount of food I consume during a meal is normal for me at this stage?  Many believe that we are supposed to be able to eat one grape per meal for the rest of our lives and feel full.  They don't get it that the further out we are, the more normal amount of food we can eat.   Instead of the ability to simply ignore these nagging feelings, I feel compelled to constantly "explain myself" when it's really not necessary.  How do I put this behind me? Anyone with any suggestions, solutions, comments, etc?  How do I clean my fish bowl and put it on the shelf ONCE AND FOR ALL?????

OH my.............do we KNOW each other???!!! I wrote almost the exact same thing in my journal the other day - about people saying "she eats what she used to" - she's gonna gain it all back........... So, to that I answer, I think part of it IS guilt. I have gained back 10 pounds in 3.5 years, which everyone says is great........I looked weird at 137........anorexic almost......... But, I DO eat some things now that I shouldnt....hell, probably alot that I shouldnt........ We just have to go on............Its ok when I meet someone who doesnt know I have had surgery - they just think I dont eat much........

I dont explain to anyone and you shouldnt feel the need to........... But I feel "watched" and I still feel guilty..................

Well, I don't have any suggestions or solutions, but I can comment.  I feel this way all the time, and it isn't a figment of my imagination either.  My mom and lots of my friends keep an eye on me all of the time.  I know it is because they are afraid that I'll regain.  They don't want me to get back into the shape that I was once trapped in.  I appreciate that, BUT it puts a lot of pressure on me  and makes me resentful.  I don't know what to do about it, but try and just do what is right for me and let their observations and comments slide on past.  If you find a solution please pass it on. On a positive note: the other night my neice asked me (out of the blue) if I had gained since I lost.  That woke me up and made me decide to work on relosing the 15 lbs that I've regained.  If she noticed then it is noticeable.  I want to stop going up before it gets out of hand.  So that is one good thing that has come from my being in the bowl.  I knew I needed to get control, but was putting it off.   It just all seems so crazy at times....

Hmmm, interesting. I'm single and all my family live 100 miles or more away so I don't have them "peeking" over my shoulder.  At work they know I don't eat "sweets" and things, but no one pays any attention to what I do or don't eat.  The only time I seem to have a problem is when I eat out.  The wait staff always asks me in concerned voices if the food was "ok" because I don't eat much of it.  Now I just ask them to bring a box at the begining of the meal and I take out what I know I won't eat and box it right away.  Saves on the explanation. So most of the time I DON'T feel that way. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact I've spent the past 2 years dealing with my "head" issues by trying hard to discover what and why I became so morbidly obese.  I think by doing so it has helped me to become more accepting of myself and THAT leads to less guilt so that I can put my life into greater balance.....and believe it or not, BALANCE is the key to happiness. Trisha

I can understand how you feel. I feel like I am watched and critiqued too~on what I eat, how much I eat, if I look as thought I've gained 5lbs, etc. The list goes on and on for me. I wonder sometimes how I became so self absorbed~like why am I so special that everyone is watching me and what I eat, LOL! I'm not sure if its all in my head or not. There are certain people, like my sil, that have had a hard time with my whole "transformation" and I know that deep down she is just waiting for me to fail~nothing would bring her greater joy I'm sure~so I definitely know that she is watching me (although we're not around each other alot anymore) but from her I feel more like I need to stay at x number of pounds or she will have some delight in the fact that I appear to have gained 5 lbs. For about the first year and a half my 9yr old would ask "are you 'allowed' to eat that"~I know he was just curious about this whole surgery thing but I finally had to tell him to quit asking me that and that Mommy can eat anything now, I just chose to eat healthy so that I can feel good and keep the weight off. He understood and doesn't ask me that  anymore. Just the opposite is true of my husband~especially at night I'll say I'm hungry but I don't want to eat and ruin my whole day and he's like "you gotta eat, go get something". He thinks that I don't eat enough ever, but he doesn't comment unless I say something first. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in the fish bowl, LOL~that's a great analogy by the way~I guess I  never really thought of it that way until now, but when I'm feeling that "AHHHH" feeling, I can giggle to  myself and just imagine swimming around with all of you!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, I can really relate to your comments, and those of some of the other posters. My brother-in-law says, "Is that on your diet????"   That just drives me up the wall.  First of all, 90% of the time I eat really healthy food, but when I'm out of town on vacation with family I tend to splurge a little.  Then back to healthy eating again to lose the pound or two I put on.  So he doesn't see all the healthy choices I make most of the time, he just notes the occasional bad stuff.   And, yes, I can eat more now at three and a half years out than I was able to at the beginning.  I also exercise faithfully. Don't really have an answer to the problem, it's just nice to know I'm not the only one experiencing this.  We're all swimming around together in that big bowl. Hugs, Connie -147#

Im feeling crabby today and feel like the next person who comments in any way on my eating or asks if i am "allowed" to eat something may get a twinkie stuck somewhere the sun dont shine. and a big handfull of broccoli down their throat and maybe a carrot up their nose.     Does anybody else ever feel that way? I am not so nice after all..

LOL.....loved the mental image of the twinkie, the broccoli, and the carrot!!! I'm not so nice either.  And neither are the people who make these comments, in the guise of concern. I relate also to the comment you made about people just waiting for me to fail.  It does put undue pressure on us.  I like the analogy of putting a margarita in front of an alcoholic, I might use it. Hugs, Connie

I will be eight weeks post op on 5-23-07.  I am feeling you.  Mainly because I have not been able to eat solid foods because I had strictures.  One was at the pouch and the other was a mild esophagial stricture. I had an (EDG) ENDOCOPY yesterday.  They dilated my strictures.  Hopefully I will be able to keep food down.  I can onlydrink protein shakes and creamed soup.   My doctor has recomends a protein only diet until you have lost 70% of your weight.  I can'tkeep down eggs, cheese, cottage cheese, fish, shimp, chicken,etc.,  I am hoping that the procedure I had yesterday will allow me to get on the right track. The good thing is I am down 40 lbs. People do don't mean any harm when they ask you about your eating habits. They really are concerned. I am drilled everyday by my family because I haven'tbeen able to keep solid food down.

Wow!  I'm sure glad I read your post.  I now have a name for my disorder:  "Fishbowl Syndrome"!  I'm afraid I have it too, and I am really going to try hard to cure it. Cleaning the fishbowl:  1.  Quit being so self-absorbed.  Do something nice daily for someone else.  (Tell hubby he is cute.  Call a friend.  Help the little old lady across the street.  etc...) 2.  Concentrate on becoming more active and less self-critical. 3.  Do some deep-breathing exercises to ward off tension.  I know that when I am tense, I really start coming down on myself. 4.   Make a gratitude list. 5.  Be aware that people/family/friends care about you and want you to be healthy. 6.  Weed the garden.  Get rid of negative people/situations that drag you down.  This one isn't easy, but I try not to spend much time around people who just want to cut me down to build themselves up.  I refuse to let them look into my fishbowl and judge me! I'm sure there are lots of other ways to clean my fishbowl, but I guess the main way is to develop more confidence in me.  I don't need to "explain myself" to others.  Frankly, what I do, unless it directly affects them, is none of their business.  I am going to concentrate more on what I know is best for me and ignore what "others say" when it is not to my best interest. I guess that's it.  My ideas aren't new, but they sure helped me in writing them down.  Hmmmm.  My fishbowl doesn't seem nearly as clouded and dirty as it was a few minutes ago!