I have been thinking - several thoughts

Yes - smoke is coming from my ears LOL I havent been posting, or reading much either the last few weeks. It as been extremely hectic the last few weeks at my house. My daughter got married with about a weeks notice and I threw a big party for them at my house a week later to celebrate.  During this time I had Company from Denmark - a friend of my sisters- and that was so fun. We had a great time and enjoyed every minute of it  and I hope he comes back again to visit us.  I have lived in Chicago for 29 years and in showing the city off found a new appreciation for it and ideas for activities for the future as well. DH and I have been in a rut and we must break out of it.  Now, the real reason for this post.  a few weeks ago someone posted a survey asking if we feel like we are normal. It got me to thinking.  ( danger - warning)  My first thought was - well,  define normal.  I see normal on a continnuum. if it were a 1-10 scale,  1 and 10 would be the abnormal but 2-9 would all have some normal to them and nobody really would be  a 1 or a 10.  then I saw a video that basically was about making your wishes and dreams come true by visualizing and living as if  they had already come true.  To see in your mind being successful at what you want to be. to see your self as you want to be. It said the negative thought we have attracts negativity to our lives. If we see ourselves as unsuccessful we certainly will continue to be unsuccessful. Out vision and thoughts influence our actions.  So I also had been dwelling on my body image issues and picking myself apart and basically being miserable. Stressing out and overeating and sabotaging myself.  But Now I am thinking I need to change my thinking.  I want to issue a challange to all who are struggling. Lets start appreciating our strengths. Lets look for the beauty we  have instead of finding fault.  Lets start thinking, I am normal and I can live like a normal and healthy person. visualize your self as healthy and place the focus on living like a healthy person.  There has been a lot of negativity -  there are many  posts about worst fears coming true - weight gain.  Could it be that focusing on that fear is leading to self sabotage?  There have been a lot of posts with people beating themselves up for what they ate.  How about a post saying " I have 3 servings of veggies today"?  Instead of I gained 10 pounds I maintained a loss of X pounds and I will appreciate how hard I worked to do that and say I CAN DO IT! Many of us have eating disorders. I have read the book "how much does your soul weigh" and it gives me great hope for living a normal life with out food being in control. I am working to visualize me doing just that. I am going to re-read the book and refresh my memory on all of it.  In visualizing myself living normal I am going to return to therapy and use that as a tool for improvement to reach my potential.  Who wants to join me in this????

i will try to. i to am seeing my counselor. it will  be a big chalenge. I dont see myself  normal. lol  I am way hard on myself.but i do need to work on being healthyier.

there's a show on tv titled "living outside of the box" and i questioned, who defines normal.  it must be "them".  if we try to live to "their" expectations, we all might as well jump off the nearest bridge.  normal to me is when we can live one day at a time and appreciate our time on this earth and who we are and how we contribute.  normal is when we can appreciate ourselves and accept who we are and share and teach and love others.  we need to turn off the tv. frankie

I'm onboard with this! My therapist currently has me working on having an "attitude of gratitude"~pretty much the same things you're describing. She wants me to have positive thoughts every day, no matter what the scale reads. So if I'm up 2 lbs, that's ok b/c I'm happy that.....I can walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath, I'm able to play with my kids without becoming fatigued, I can cross my legs.......whatever it is that I am thankful for that day or even just that moment. It really makes you think b/c when those negative thoughts are in your head they can be all consuming. why waste our time doing that when there is so much more to life than that. Anyway, I would love to join you on this and I pledge to try to have a positive attitude about myself and towards others!

Wow!!!  What an awesome idea!!!!  I am definitely on board with you!!! You need to pick a "title" for these daily posts of positive thoughts, attitudes, etc.  Perhaps someone out there has suggestions for a catchy title??? This is going to be so good for everyone!!!!!! Thanks for the challenge!!!

Thanks for a great post, Willow.  For many of us, the greatest battle is changing how we think, about ourselves, others, and the world in general.  But we do have control over our thoughts, and we can retrain ourselves to focus on the positive things in our lives.   I feel fortunate because I've always had a happy-go-lucky, the glass is half full kind of attitude.  That attitude has been very helpful to me during the WLS process, but I do still think of myself as being not "normal," whatever you define that to be.  I spent about 34 years of my life being seriously overweight, and during that time I never felt "normal."  So I'm working on changing how I think about myself.  As you say, it's hard work but well worth the effort.  I'm actively working on focusing on the positive things in my life - improved health & fitness being at the top of my list - and not worrying about the negative things - just how much extra skin can one person have?  I'm trying to find a "zen" sort of place and accept that I am exactly as the universe intends me to be right now.  Whether that's someone else's definition of "normal," well, that's not my problem, right?  I'm normal for me, here and now.   Anyway, thanks for your post - it was interesting and helpful. Kellie

I have really thought about this too. I do not look at  myself as normal and let me tell you why. I know this is an issue I have to deal with within myself but i have gained 40 pds back from origianally weighing 145 at my lowest. Even though i have maintained that weight for the last 3yrs i still worry constantly about losing control. I should let you know i had the open rny in 2001 and i have had no problems except for the weight gain. i went from a 56 weiste to a 36 and i wear a 38 to be comfortable. i have a big glob of fat on my stomach and i have done everything to try and get the insurance to approve the tummy tuck but they refuse and i can not afford to go into debt to get it done. I do not like my body but at the same time i am grateful for the weight loss. i am 5ft 6 and i started out at 303 and i now fluxuate between 180 and 190 all the time. i know the rules and i have the tool but i get so frustrated at having to actually diet again. it is a constant battle of mind over matter.      thinks for listening                      bruce  [email protected]

I'd certainly like to join you.  I am back in therapy myself.  I, like you, pick myself apart and focus on the bad things about myself and life.  My therapist is trying to teach me to focus on the positives in the world and in my life and hopefully we can change my way of thinking so I can stop the vicious cycle of self-sabotage by overeating.   So, how are we going to help one another?  Are we going to email each other or start posting happier more positive things to the board?  What is your plan?  I am game. Melissa

Wonderful ideas, Willow.  I'm definitely on board with this, too.  I'm all about the positives in life - really always have been.  But, I'm also someone who has probably not been "hard enough" on myself through the years.  I do tend to be overly self-indulgent, and so I have always been aware that self-discipline is something I need more of.  But I also don't think of this as a negative.  If I can achieve more self-discipline and control, for me that's definitely a positive.

I like your idea about seeing normal on a continuum.  When I think about how I have lived my life, I can see that I have generally tried to always stay somewhere in the middle, maintaining that balance.  I think even the Bible says somewhere that  "all things in moderation" is the way to go.

I have really been blessed in my life with wonderful, supportive parents, and immediate family.  I was raised to believe that I was beautiful and worthy of everything that life has to offer, regardless of my size.  I'm trying harder now to see that my weight/food issues are just a small part of who I am, and that I can gain control over them and achieve an even better balance in my life. Thanks for reminding us about this, and I hope to see all of us working harder to be happy and satisfied with our lives. Carlita

I saw this article on Calorieking.com  I think it goes right along with what your saying.  To get your body image in healthy perspective, you first need to face up to any unrealistic ideals you have about your own body and stop trying to achieve them. You also need to "reprogram", replacing the messages that society has so far given you with more realistic ones. 

A good place to start “reprogramming” is by reminding yourself that a person is more than the sum of their body parts. Youhave immense value and worth and contribute to the world in many ways more important than how you look. Do you honestly believe that your thighs or stomach define who you are and determine your value in society?

Here are some ideas to help you get things in perspective:

• Get real. Question the images of perfection that surround you and stop accepting them as the norm. Find out how pictures are airbrushed to remove all visible flaws. The next time you see a picture of a model and think you should look like that, take a picture of yourself and have someone airbru**** to perfection!

• Get appreciative. Instead of disparaging your body, how about appreciating it? It takes you for walks, lets you see the sunset and hear beautiful music. Without it you couldn’t swim in the ocean or taste fresh strawberries. You couldn’t have children. You wouldn’t laugh or cry. You wouldn’t be able to hug someone. So maybe you are not a size 6 – in the grand scheme of life, how important is that really?

• Get age-wise. As we move through the different stages of our lives, developing and nurturing a positive body image and a healthy mental attitude is crucial to our happiness and emotional health. Expect to change as you age, and try this on for a healthy attitude: "I look forward to being older, when what you look like becomes less and less an issue and what you are is the point." – Susan Sarandon

• Get sensible. Take stock of how often you criticize yourself because of your shape or size: Is it some of the time, most of the time, or all of the time? It is the rare person who doesn't occasionally take a backward glance in the mirror, and find some imperfections. But when a two-second glance can ruin your day, it is time to take a much longer look at your sefl-perception.

• Get affirmative.  Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmation. Make a list of some of your positive qualities (at least fifteen). For example, "I like my hair," or  "I am a valuable, lovable person and deserve the best in life." Practice repeating one or two affirmations to yourself every day, throughout the day. Rehearse them in your mind, say them out loud, write them down, even record them and play them back as you go to sleep! Do whatever it takes to replace the negative self-talk. As you internalize more and more positive affirmations, your self-perceptions will begin to change.