Just have to come clean

Okay, this is hard, but I have to put it in writing somewhere, and thought this would be the best place. I had my RNY 9/8/05 and got to 128 (I'm 5'7"). I have now creeped back up to 142, and know exactly why. Sure I have had my share of stress, but the main reason is that I am blowing it. I eat sourdough bread (2-3 slices) with real butter in the morning, WITH my coffee to mu**** down. I am not getting my protein in. I am eating regular, not low fat cheese. I have developed a fondness for wine (the high only lasts 10-15 minutes, so I drink another glass). I was surprised the other night that the whole bottle was gone before bed, and I didn't feel a thing. I can take a vicodin and eat pasta without pain (what a stupid B#%!!) I am not exercising. There. I have it all out. Needed to be accountable in writing and put it out to the "universe" so I can work on it.  I feel like an idiot and I feel like an addict.  One question though: Does anyone else feel that they do not process medication like they should? As if they go through without absorption? I looked this up on the net and only found a few resources. But I feel my antidepressent doesn't work like it should, and I can take vicodin and it barely touches me, whereas before surgery, I couldn't take the stuff at all (made me fall asleep and non-functional).   Thanks for listening.  Denise 253/goal:150/Current:142

Hey there, sorry you are having some issues lately.  I am having problems too but want to help you address some of the issues you mentioned. First, stop buying the sourdough bread, full fat cheese & wine.  If you can make it out of the grocery store with out these items that would be a huge success.  Mine is baked Doritos.  I have to walk away from them at the store...if they come home I eat the whole bag in 2 days (yes, I said the WHOLE bag). I too have an issue with protein -- if I would up my protein then maybe, just maybe my weight loss would start back up and my hair would start coming back in.  You and I both need to go buy some new protein powder and start back up on that!!! Exercise -- what can I say, I don't do this either.  Need too, just don't.  I blame it on my schedule but for somereason I just don't take the time to do that. Tackle this one thing at a time.  Don't buy the foods and see how you do with that. Good luck. Kelly

Denise, You are not stupid, you just fell off of the wagon a bit. This is a constant battle for all of us. The doctor can adjust our bodies, but not our minds. I went through a period where I was eating all of the wrong things too...but I realized what I was doing and I stopped. I am 3 years post op and went from 307 to 135. It is a daily chore to make sure that I eat what I am supposed to, and it is hard!! I have 2 kids and a hubby that eat things that I can't, but I had to realize that it was a choice that I had made, and I am the only one that can make or break my habits. I had gained 15 lbs, but I went back to the basics and dropped back down. I do really miss the pizza, cookies, wine, etc......but I have figured out something that works for me. I give myself 1 day a week to eat 2 naughty things. I have a cookie, fries, wine, pasta, peanut butter (my downfall), and that helps keep the cravings down. The other 6 days of the week, I stick to my protiens and fresh fruits and veggies. You just need to find what works for you......remember that all is not lost, you just sidetracked a little. We all do and we are only human.

Hi Denise, I can agree to a point with the other posters,  their strategies are good ones for more normal types of slips that most of us seem to go through (I am NOT implying that you are abnormal).  But, I am concerned that yours are not AVERAGE slips.  You seem to be working hard at sabotaging yourself. I can relate.  To take a vicodin with purposeful forthought so you can eat a food that is of little nutritinal value, or to specifically add a behavior (drinking with your meal) that allows you to eat something or more of something that you shouldn't makes me worry for you.  Several of the behaviors you listed seem dangerous.  Please seek out some help to find out why you are doing this to yourself.   All the best to you, Always, Carla

i too am having similar issues...and about the meds...i just had a boob job and mepergan did not really work that great.  i went from 233 all the way to 133 and now I am at 155. I too have not followed the rules and  i feel like a failure.  I have serious stress and eat due to that..gave up on exercise and just blew it in a sense. it is my own fault. so you are not the only one to experience this. I am here if you need it. have a good day tammy

Hello surgery date sista - let's chat.  Some rebound is supposed to be normal, but I've avoided it (knocking on wood) by tracking my food in fitday and making changes to my diet that i can live with.  i pretty much follow the South Beach way of living, can't call it a diet.   how about changing from sour dough to whole wheat or rye - they are better for you.  u have to get your protein in, for me the number is between 50 and 60 grams, there's no way around it u have to do it.  i don't eat any low fat or fat free cheese, it actually contains more carbs and in my opionion leaves you wanting more.  keep in mind i eat a lot of cheese!!!!  i eat pasta all the time - Dreamfields if you haven't tried it please do, i don't have any problems digesting it and it isn't effecting my weight.  wine - funny u should talk about wine, i don't really drink i can't remember the last time i had one, BUT i have been craving wine.  i don't even like wine - i don't get it.  do you think our bodies are missing something that wine has ????  oh and i don't excercise either. email me anytime - you can do this i know u can!!! Micha

Admitting it is the first step towards success - or so they say!! Okay - so now it's all out there in print - you can't take it back and numerous folks have now read what you have posted.  Believe it or not, you are not alone in your new bad habits or pitfalls.  We ALL seem to be able to relate to something within your post.   First things first, though - the wine and the vicodin.   Statistics say that we (GB folks) are very suseptible to addiction transfers.  For most of us, food was our drug of choice prior to surgery and when that was taken away, we had the need to fill that void left behind.  Shopping does it for some, but sadly, alcohol and meds can rapidly replace the void and do far more damage than any "good" felt by their effectiveness.  Add to that the fact that we DON'T feel the effects for very long and suddenly, you have another addiction to deal with in your world.   The mere fact that you said you feel like an idiot and an addict means that you are very AWARE of what is going on in your life right now.  You are not an idiot and hopefully you have not reached the level of an addict; however, with that said, you are not beyond help!! Start slowly on your road to recovery from this little set-back:  ditch the wine and the vicodin first off, as they seem to be the biggest red flags right now and have the potential for the worst problems in the future.  The sourdough bread, the protein, etc. - all that can be reintroduced into your daily food plan - it's just going to take some time, some effort and some diligence on your part. I'm so very proud of you for coming clean and admitting what many are probably experiencing, but are afraid to do so.  You coming forward will possibly open the door for others to seek adjusdtments in their lives, too, so you see - YOU have done some good already!!! Big hugs to you!  Stay in touch and feel free to email if you ever need a shoulder to lean on!! Kristi 

Oh Denise, my heart just hurts for the way you must be feeling. I have no advice to give but I don't absorb anything in pill form. Not Tylenol, antibiotics, nothing, everything has to be in liquid form for me. Please take care of yourself, Jenn.

Thank you all for the support, kick in the pants, and the commadre. I actually went to the doc today and she changed me to liquid Prozac instead of the pills, and liquid vicodin (half the dose) if I need it for my back pain. It took a lot for me to admit the destructive behavior, although I have seen it coming, and am seeing a counselor for other issues - namely job stress and my husband recently being diagnosed with cancer, and my mom having a stroke last August and now living with us... but that is just my sad story... Anyway, please know that I appreciate all the feedback and I am not going to buy anymore wine or sourdough bread... that is my change.   Keep up the communication, I know we all need it versus lurking when in trouble.  Thanks again OH community. Denise

Hey Denise! You are my hero.  No kidding.  To come here to this open forum to be held accountable - fully knowing what you were going to "hear" in response / reply  (which is what YOU KNEW all along - that's why you posted what you posted!!)  -- you are FAR, FAR stronger than what you may realize!  You're amazing!  To have the emotional stresses w/ your mom and your husband & work & also the back issues which are causing emotional trauma IN ADDITION to the physical - WOW are you a SURVIVOR!! Again, you're AMAZING!!!! Great that you went to doc re: your meds  "delivery" system and spoke candidly.  My personal experiences: from blood thinners (Coumadin - took 10mg t level off at a reading of "2")  to basic Tylenol I DO NOT get full benefit if the med's delivery system is TABLET, CAPSULE.  Some - not much. From experience with degenerative cervical disc disease chronic pain @ "6 -8" daily (resulting in pinched nerves in my neck) and the inability to take the most EFFECTIVE pain treatment for arthritis and tissue swelling - NSAIDS (the direct result of having RNY - no NSAIDS) I've been subjected to becoming a "pain meds" guinea pig.  My neurologist has tried:  Lyrica (nerve pain med), Amitriptyline (anti-depres) Tylenol 3's, has offered Vicodin & other "extended" meds. ( I am currently off  ALL of those meds.) Without exception - I experience some relief - but ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS it's short lived. I am talking specifically about the effectiveness of the meds, NOT from "taking so much it's become less effective and takes more to "feel" it blah, blah..."  What's different is the MENTALITY (addictive nature)  VS the PHYSICALITY of your (our) unique systems and our UNIQUE (even from each other) experiences of absorption / malabsorption. I would feel so stinking GUILTY for taking so many meds to fight the pain.  My doc is the one who told me it was about  "quality of life" and "working together" in trial & error re: effective pain control.  Because of my issues (the only RNY patient she has) she has actually been researching Post-RNY  VS meds absorption, etc.  She's amazing and I'm so grateful.  I've been able to be honest with her about my fears / concerns of being dependent on medication -  But with honest communication we've found (for now - with NO surgery) a treatment "system!! Woo hoo!  After 2 years of battling - we're discovering  for ME & my spine issues - the most effective is by  trigger point injections - (steroid +simple Lidocaine ) provides 2 - 3 x per year almost immediate relief with no daily taking of anything - and  2x per week  physical therapy.    I'm so grateful that you're doc is working with you.  Keep communicating openly & honestly. In the meantime you're in my thoughts & prayers regarding the CHALLENGES your are living in the midst of!! Take care of yourself! Judy