I'm struggling...

Hi Family, Sorry I haven't been here in so long...how's everyone?  I'm hanging in there...a lot has happened lately and I'm struggling to keep my weight/food under control. Since last October I have gained 20lbs...and every day I think I have it licked...but I don't.  I had finally gotten to my goal...only to "blow" it. I think I was too strict...eating pretty much the same stuff day in and day out...I got bored...and started eating things I know are not good for me. Then in November...the day before Thanksgiving, I had surgery to lift my bladder. It went just fine but I had to stop working out for 4 weeks...then another 4 before I could lift weights. That...combined with the holidays messed things up even more... On top of it all...last month...on Valentine's day...Bob (for those of you who followed my saga this is the guy I had an affair with) killed himself...and it's been really, really, reeeeeeeaaaaally hard to cope with this.  I'm back to exercising...and I never stopped going to meetings...but eating right is another story... I of course feel miserable. It's amazing how the food makes me feel "ugly." One day eating right and I see a new person in the mirror...one day that I screw up and I can't stand looking at myself...and those days have been more frequent than the ones I like myself. I just want to go back to where I was...physically and mentally... On April 10th I'm going to Europe with my mom and sister...that should help with the mental part...but not sure about the physical.  Then in June I'm going to Brazil for some plastic surgery. I sure hope I'm doing better by then...I don't want to have PS then lose/gain weight... Whew...enough whining...any words of wisdom? Hugs, Paola

Hugs and Prayers , I am so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. Hang in there. It will get better.  Enjoy your time with your family.    I am so sorry about your friend. Hugs. 

Hi Paola,  Its's been a long time for me too... so sorry to hear about what's been going on for you.. I alway thought your post were so supportive. Next to what you just posted.. my issues seem trivial...  Good luck with everything.  Take one day at a time.... 

It has been so long since I've run into you! I'm so sorry for everything you're going thru~I'm sure it has been so very difficult for you. I can completely relate to what you said about how the food can make you feel ugly some days and other days when you're eating right you can look at yourself and feel great! Our minds can certainly play tricks on us. I think you're on the right track~you're aware of the problem and you're doing the best you can to deal with it. You caught things early on~hey, 20lbs is nothing compared to where we've come from!!!! I hope that your trip helps you mentally and good luck with your ps. Please keep us updated on how you're doing~we've missed you! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

Paola, No words of wisdom here --- just wanted you to know I'm so sorry for your losses. Not only are you trying to redefine who you are as a person (inside a smaller body) but you're trying to overcome physical issues and heal and THEN the amazing grief/shock/loss/ANGER at Bob for "taking the easy way out" - leaving you (and others) behind to "deal with it". (Having loved ones -dealing with suicide effects a COMMUNITY , let alone an intimate partner!) You must know, Paola, that the PHYSICAL issues you've had are taking an emotional toll on you.  Healing is a difficult process EVEN with a relatively HEALTHY state of mind. Combined with the emotional turmoil  this is almost too hard to "go it alone". You might find friends to support you - connect with -  EVEN IF THAT'S the LAST THING on your mind " people".    Support group - PEOPLE who are "touchable" to help you through this grief could be invaluable to you.  There are SG's for grief recovery. There are SG's for self- image.  Local hospitals might be able to help steer you... Just want you to know I'm thinking of you in prayer...

hey darlin' ... how are you? You know ... I wonder if anyone has some kind of "aversion" to getting to or being at goal.  I think that may be one of my problems (although I'm still quite a ways away) ... but it seems all my life (since I was 6) I've been on some type of diet or program ... its always been "in search of" that goal, or "getting there" ... I've never really "finished" or quite "gotten there" ... I don't know ... maybe the thought of "getting there" is scary, because what then?  I don't know how to react ... do I set new goals?  What kind of new goals?  If something all your life has been pretty much out of reach, its kind of scary to actually get that carrot you've been chasing ... I don't know, just a thought for me. Anyway ... you've had a HUGE HUGE HUGE stresser lately my dear ... so its quite understandable the frame of mind you've been in ... but I think you'll be ok.  The change of scene to Europe I'm sure will do you a world of good ... and although the food may make you feel ugly right now, I do hope you know how beautiful you really are.  Hang in there girlfriend ... I'll talk to you soon. Love ya, Karyn 

Love You too K...yes I do know how beautiful I am...thanks

Hi Paola, OMG, girl, it's good to see you back, but I'm so sorry to hear all the things you've had to go through.  I do believe you can get back on track. Enjoy your trip to Europe, and don't be a stranger here, we can help you through the tough times. Hugs, Connie

I'll work hard on posting more often...I forget how good it is to know I'm not alone...and that you guys DO understand what I'm going through... Thanks for all the answers! Hugs, Paola