are our bones heavier now??

I'm not a graduate yet, but I really wanted to post this question to those of you that have so much more experience with WLS than I do. I hope it's ok!  I've never posted on this thread, so i apologize if this is too lengthy, but i do read this thread almost daily and truly appreciate your wisdom.

Last night my husband of 24 years sat me down and told me that I absolutely do not need to lose any more weight, in fact he said, you need to gain 5 or 10 pounds.  He went on to say that he had always been truthful with me and always accepted me and loved me no matter how much weight i lost/gained...  He seemed genuinely worried.  He talked to me about how boney I am, that I have lost my butt, breasts...  I'm 45 years old and he said, I always looked so young and I am starting to look much older.  All the things he said to me reminded me of Kat's post that I read yesterday.  He also told me that he thought i had become obsessed with my weight and that i weigh all the time and that he is worried that i now have anorexia. (which i laughed about)

I weigh as of today 134.  My dr's goal for me was 135/140.  I am 5'2" but I am not a small framed person.  I have a big head and large bones.  When I was a young woman (20 years) I weighed about 117 and looked good (in fact, i thought i was fat) 

So, how at 134 pounds can people be telling me that I am boney?  I remember reading somewhere that because of all the extra weight that we carried for so long that our bones are now heavier than what they used to be?  Has anyone else read this?  Should I trust my perception of myself or other people's?  I feel so unsure about my own body image, I still see myself as fat.  Crazy!   Gosh, I'm not even sure what it is that I'm asking you.  I guess I want reassurance that things will even out and that my body (and my mind) will end up where they are supposed to be. 

My personal goal for myself is 129.  And I will probably get there pretty soon.  I keep losing, despite trying to eat more.  Before I had the surgery, my surgeon warned me that "lightweights" sometimes had a problem with losing too much and he gave me a larger pouch and didn't by-pass quite as much intestine as he would on someone who needed to lose much more weight.

I appreciate any advice/feedback any of you may have!  Thanks in advance.

Sincerely, Deborah  229/135/134/129 surgery/dr's goal/today/personal goal

Usually that starts about 30# above goal.  By some standards you'd still be chunky (as would I).  5' = 100 # and you get 5# for every inch thereafter!  That'd put you at 110# !  So, as to being bony, that IS normal at first.  My  gosh, woman, you've like been poked with a pin and had all the air let out!  It takes awhile for the skin to catch up with the lost, and obviously, some of it never does.  But if you have been well nourished all along, well hydrated, your butt WILL be back, it just takes about 3 yrs.  Those huge hollows at your throat will become softer, not so angular.  If you get too thin, then you will not freak out when you have bounceback.  If you are not taking protein supplement, dry form vit E, iron, calcium and so on, you may have a longe trip back to that soft but slender look.  But it'll come. As to whether our bones weigh more?  Nooooooooo.  It's a myth out there in medical land that heavy ppl have denser bones to haul the wt around.  Maybe we did once, but aftr HOW MANY diets and wt losses, many of us go into surgery with some bone loss, then add to that insufficient calcium coverage post-op and yet more wt loss and your bones very likely less dense.  The actualy size doesn't change.  Just remember Butt Be Back.  3 yrs, when you least expect it.

question for vitalady... why do you take vitamin E?  I have never been told to take that and am curious... Patti

I take all the malabsorbed vites: iron calcium A, D, E zinc B12 B1 And then I take a bunch of other stuff to address other issues that I wouldn't necessarily recommend for someone else.  Like I had ONE UTI and thanks, that was enough, so I take cranberry, but not everyone would need that.  We malabsorb fats/oils (to a degree), so A & E will be a bit of a d=struggle. Vit D is a MAJOR struggle, but many docs don't test it, so some ppl won't know til heir teeth begin to crumble or they get that first bad dexascan.  I think I'm pretty lucky that my doc has tested all along.

Two people in my life keep telling me not to lose more weight, that I am already too thin.  Hog wash.  I think that they are so used to seeing me as an obese person that the dramatic change in my appearance is overwhelming to them.  By the BMI chart I am just barely in the "normal" range.  Hardly supermodel weight.  If hubby sayd you are looking older, then look at your vitamin and protein regime and fine tune it as needed - you may look less healthy than your weight suggests you should be.  Also look at changing your hair or clothing style as they may be outmoded and contribute to making you look old.  Good luck.

I look at pictures of myself at one year and I look gaunt - my face was too thin and my bones stuck out on my collarbones. I am now nearly three years post-op and I weigh the same, but my face is softer now.  I know I looked older then, too but now look my age again. I probably should change my picture but that would actually involve taking five minutes that I never seem to have. For the record, I weigh about 160 pounds but hear constantly that I look like I weigh a lot less. I know that our bones aren't denser but there sure is something about this weight loss that is working for me.  I weighed 155 in high school and felt like I was a cow. I actually look better now than then! As for body image - I'm still a lttle shocked when I take my jeans out of the dryer and try to figure out if they are mine or my husbands. I wear a size 12, he is a 32-32.  Sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn't. Good luck with your ongoing weight loss and get to the place that makes you feel right. Judi

Great Post!  I had alot of people tell me I was getting too thin, but I think it was just the dramatic change in such a short period of time that made them feel that way. I lost 164lbs in a year~that's a huge change and just like our minds haven't caught up with our bodies, others minds haven't caught up with us either~does that make sense?!?!?!?! Also, I know alot of people didn't think I would stop losing. They say me lose so much and figured it would just keep melting off of me, but eventually as I neared my goal weight things slowed down and then my maintenance plan began. I also agree with the other posters that things do soften with time ( I hope I don't get too much butt back though, LOL!) I have also worked hard and still work hard to keep adding lean muscle to my body to help me to look better. I applaud your husband for talking to you from the heart. He might have some fears or worries about you and your weight~that's very normal. As long as you feel healthy and are following dr's orders you'll be fine! Congratulations to you on all of your success!!!!

My husband  told me I looked like i was a refugee from a camp. Hes afraid he will break me. I am bones and skin. Im not underweight tho. I got down to 139 Im 5 ft 5in. tall. I have gained 10 lbs back and look better in the face..but i dont like the waist. I gained inches with that 10 lbs..and in a size bigger jeans. Ive got to get it off again. Im glad to hear that you do get softer in the face as I was to thin and sunken. I am 3 years out now so I should be softer and not so many deep gullys in my body. Arn't you glad your hubby cares enough about you to be concerned. You have a keeper there. Make sure you get a bone density test....and take your calcium it is important. best to you. Cha