I feel like I'm Drowning!

**I posted this on the main board, but I need all the support I can get right now** (excerpt from my profile)

2/16/2007 Ok, I feel like I'm drowning here!  I have not only not lost any weight since May, but I've gained 10 pounds!  I don't know how to get back on track.  I knew going into this that it wouldn't be a miracle cure or even an easy road, but I said I was going to do this right.  I did GREAT at the beginning and then look at me now - back to 296!!!  I am getting SO depressed and starting to feel like a failure.  I had some guy cut me apart and COMPLETELY rearrange my insides and here I am walking back into old habits.  I've tried going back to atleast one shake a day and it just doesn't happen.  And what's worse, is when I get depressed, I isolate, and when I isolate, I self medicate, and when I self medicate I EAT!!!  I need help getting back on track, and hate admitting that I need it.  I have a friend who had the same surgery with the same surgeon about 6 months before me, and yesterday, she told me that I am going to wind up killing myself if I keep on the track I am on (and then I go home and eat some more!)  I don't exercise as much as I know I should because by the time I get home it's dark and I leave at 5 in the morning for work (2 hours each way).

I used to be really active on the boards from just before my surgery until about 6 months after (and now that I think about it, I stopped posting when I stopped losing).

A couple things I thought about while reading the responses fro earlier:    (1) I live alone right now, and like to be home which causes a lot of alone time (and a lot of boredom).  As is common for someone with a food addiction, when I'm bored (or sitting) I eat; which kind of brings me to (2)  I work in a call center where I am sitting in the same place for 8 hours a day staring at a computer which is where I do most of my snacking.  Does anyone have any suggestions for healthier snack options that I can keep in my desk for those snack attacks?  I don't eat all the time at work, but I like to have something "safe" available at hand.  I tend to have an attitude where if I have it availabel,  I don't eat as much (or forget about it all together) because it is not a priority for me.   (3) I think one of the biggest reasons I fail with doing the shakes is because I have to take the time to make them and just don't.  Does anyone have any suggestions for palateable pre-made shakes?

Thank you all again for all of your support.  I really appreciate having somewhere I can go and people understand what it's like and have been through it.

 

Hello Anna, Okay, thank of how well you are doing.  You have lost a huge amount of weight; think of it that way.  Have you ever been able to lose that much weight before? I have a microwave and'frig at school; I am a teacher.  I make sure that I keep healthy snacks at school.  I have peanuts, peanut butter, Triscuit, cheese, et cetera plus I drink a protein drink in the morning.

I too like my own company so I stay home a lot.  I love my own company but I also do emotional eating.  I try to make sure that I eat healthy and drink all of the water that I need.

Hope that can help...

Lisa

280/135/135

Congratulations on your weight loss and trying to get back on track early on before 10 lbs. turns into 15 then 20 and so on and so on.  You should try to eat like you did very early on after surgery.  Eat your protein and veggies and fruits.  Eat every 3 1/2-4 hours.  Drink your 64 ounces of water.  Try to set up an eating schedule that you can stick to.  It sounds like you maybe grazing and not realizing how many calories you are actually eating.  Some healthy snacks could be protein bars, nuts, soy crisps, peanut butter and crackers, cheese or high protein cereal.  If you have a fridge you could do yogurt and pudding.  Going back to your support meetings, nutritions, psycologist or surgeon maybe able to help you get back on track as well.  You are not a failure and I give you lots of credit to realize that you need to get back on track.  You  have come this far and you can do it again. 

Hi Anna, No magic words of wisdom here but I totally understand.  I'm up 30 pounds from my lowest.  It started when I got pregnant and went back to old habits because I thought I could...    None of my clothes fit, I'm depressed, and so I eat more.  It's such a crazy cycle.  Somehow we have to recreate the cycle of weight loss, feeling better, wanting to exercise more, etc.

The pouch rules for dummies are helpful.  Everyone says it's about getting back to the basics.   I wish you all the best! Laina Lap RNY 9/9/03

Hi Anna, Okay, tough love time.... I think you pretty much know what you need to do to get back on track.  It is just motivating yourself to do it and to stickto it.  NO ONE can motivate you to do the right thing but YOU.  Falling down is not failure - we all fall off the wagon sometimes; goodness knows I fall all the time!  Failure comes when you do not get-up dust yourself off and move on.  It's way too easy to get depressed, have self-pity and self loathing, announce failure, and continue destructive behaviors.  It is "HARD" to get up and make positive changes.  That's where the real work comes in and that is what successful people do.  You have already taken the first step in pulling yourself out of your downward spiral by admitting your problem.  I have every confidence that you can take the next step, then the next, the next, etc. Consider making an appointment with your nutritionist and surgeon and talk to her/him.  They can give you some ideas for healthy snacks and help you make a fresh start.

As for specific tips, I have two tips that have helped me tremendously:  chewing gum and exercise videos.  I am also a compulsive emotional eater.  I think most of us are.  Anyway it is something I still struggle with, but chewing gum some of the time rather than eating saves me lots and lots of calories every day.  I also have a TIGHT schedle coupled with the fact that I hate gyms, and exercise videos have been a life saver!  I started with just a few minutes per day and worked my way up from there.  It is convenient and I can do them any time in the privacy of home.  You live alone, so they would be perfect for you!  There are all kinds of videos for every fitness level.  My disabled mother does exercise videos specifically for people who need to workout while sitting.  If there are videos for people in wheelchairs, I am sure there is a workout that you can do. Anyway, I wish you all the best and I am confident that you CAN get back on track. Hugs, Tracy

I forgot to suggest a premade shake.  I use "Micellar Milk"  it is delicious.  The chocolate tastes like yoo hoo and the vanilla is not bad either.  It is 17 ounces, 40 grams of protein, 220 calories, 2 grams of fat, and 2 grams of sugar.  I have one every morning for breakfast along with a piece of fruit.  You can get them at the Vitamin Shoppe stores or online at vitaminshoppe.com or bariatriceating.com.

I   just  want  you  to  know  your  not  alone .....  I  know  in  my  own  life  I  have  to  have  a plan  or  alone  time   in  the  evening   causes  me  to  want  to  eat  ..  For   me  I  am  building  a   support  system  to   help  me  in  these  hard  times  ..  I  am  trying  to   change  my  routines  and  that  is   helping  me ...  You  might  want  to  vist  a  support  group ,  spend  more  time  on reading   and  posting  on  the  board  ....  Find  some one  local  that  you  can   pick  up  the  phone and   call  and   talk   about  the  emotions  on hand..  I  am   15   months  out  and  have  lost  alot  of  weight  and  the  emotional issues  still  are t here  ....  You  can   do  this  I   know  I  can  do  this  I   know we  can  all  do  this  its   just   making   changes   in  our  life  and  working  through  issues .,..  I  think   each  day  we  have  to  have  a  plan  and  do  what  ever  we  have  to  to  make  the  plan  a  success..  If  I  can  help  you  in  any  way   please  feel   free  to   contact  me  I  am only  a  post  or  a  email  away ..  I   just  want  to  encourage  you  to  draw  close  to  the  ones  that   understand  what   your   going  through  and  lets   help   each  out  through  a  healthier   life !!!!  We  can  do  it!!!!!    You   can  do  it !!!!!!!!!   Remember  one   bite  at  a  time  ..   :-)  Hugs  of   encouragement .   Tami

Good Morning Anna, you have received some good advise, I would go back to basics & clean out  your desk.  I too work sitting all day sometimes longer then 8 hours, but can totally relate...what I do that works for me I don't keep anything buy water, green tea or whatever it is that I'm drinking that day.. as far as my meals, I will measure them out and that way I just heat them or grab them on break or lunch.   Maybe if you track you food intake in Fitday.com and just track it for a week you will be able to see where you need to cut back (I know this is very helpful for me) Premade shake- I just love my Miccellar (Mice) Milk it's awesome, made into latte or just added a creamer to your coffee...just depends on your taste buds(right now I'm sipping on some coffee, toaste marshmellow SF & Mice milk which is awesome.  it also comes in chocolate form, which I like straight out of the carton (taste like chocolate milk) my other favorite premade shake is ACHIEVONE Mocha java or Vanilla Nut (I'm addicted to them).  If you ever need to talk feel free to email me :)

I won't repeat much of what's been said here already since everyone has offered really great suggestions and advice .. I will suggest, though, that you give serious thought to trying to get in some form of exercise - anything at all is better than nothing.  I also have a lot of alone-time and enjoy the homelife and solitary moments.  I've incorporated some of that alone-time into my daily walks ... after all I'm still alone when I'm out walking.   Doesn't have to be anything fancy or lengthy time-wise ... 15 minutes to start and go from there.  Don't even have to leave the house or apartment if you don't want to.  Just walk in place in front of the television instead of sitting on the chair or the couch.  Each and every day.  Religiously.  No excuses. If you are able to follow daily routines and schedules such as getting up, commuting, going to work, bathing, showering, eating meals etc etc etc.. then you are able to incorporate a new daily routine into the schedule that involves excercise.   Mind over matter is what it's all about.  How badly do you need it to be?  How much do you want it to happen? Good luck! -Carol

I don't usually reply to messages, but I feel compelled to reply to yours.  I can so relate to everything you're going through -- you express yourself so well!  I had WLS on 12/1/05 and have reached my goal weight of 125 lbs.  Prior to my WLS, I felt a lot of depression which led to self-medicating and eating.  Basically, I felt everything you described feeling in your message.  I am a food addict, among other addictions, and will always have to live a different lifestyle than I did before.  I used to sit on the couch and watch t.v., isolate myself, not work, and be bored all the time.  I also drank vodka every day.  I always was anxious and never wanted to venture outside or be with other people.  I was extremely self-conscious about being morbidly obese and it has always been my dream to be "normal".   Now I walk every day for 1 hour, drink a protein shake in the morning (orange juice and Anywhey Protein Powder -- sold at Rite-Aid or look online), have yoghurt (plain 2% fat and I add Equal to sweeten it), fruit and granola for lunch, and anything I want for dinner (usually soup with beans in it or chicken pot pie -- something with protein in it along with the carbs).  I eat a lot at night but I choose protein things like nuts and cottage cheese.  I also took up knitting so I can watch t.v. and instead of eating, I just knit.  It really helps!   Just remember that you've succeeded in the past, you've done a great job, you just have to get back into it again.  Also, try FitDay.com.  I don't use all of the program (it's so easy) but I do keep track of my weight (I weigh myself every day).   I hope this helps you and let me know how you're doing.   Janet