Intro and style questions

Hi Everyone, I am new to this board. I had a DS about 16 months ago and am now 3# below goal, although I would be okay with either losing or gaining a little more, as long as I can stay between 140 and 170 I will be happy. I had a lower body lift on Jan. 3 and am recovering slowly due to some mild but icky complications. I am finally starting to get my energy back now. I am a 43 year old single mom with a 3 year old daughter. Her father and I seperated in June, mostly at his urging. I wanted to try harder but he felt we had already tried everything. We are now friendly and see eachother regularly when he visits our daughter. In many ways I am better off out of the relationship. In the almost 8 years we were together my self esteem took a big nose-dive. He really didn't value the things about me that I thought were my strengths and over time he managed to chip away at my confidence. Now I find myself in this new body and really not sure of who I am. I know I am not the same person who entered that relationship 8 years ago, so much has changed. I am now a mommy which is a dream come true for me. I have learned a lot about both relationships and myself from this experience but I think I still have more work to do. On a lighter note, I am really having a hard time finding my style (I'm talking fashion here) now that I am smaller. Before I met my ex my style was fun and eccentric. I made some of my own clothes and wore fun hats. I liked to dress dramatically and I didn't let my weight stop me. He was super introverted and hated anything that drew attention to us as we walked down the street. Over time, I toned my style down to oblige him without really realizing it. Now I seem to wear sweats and T-shirts most of the time. While this is pretty typical for Seattle, I think we are the most casual city in the US as far as dress goes, I want to do something more fun but am not sure what or where to start. Suddenly, none of the stores I have shopped in for the last 20 years work for me anymore. But I walk into Macy's and I am totally overwhelmed by so many options. For the first time in my adult life I don't have to buy the clothes that fit because that's all that is available, now almost everything fits so I am trying to learn that I should only buy things I really love. But right now I am not sure what I really love. I feel like I have outgrown my old, pre-relationship style but don't want to end up looking like every other 40 something woman in Seattle. What looked fun and funky on a young woman who did stand up performances, hung out with rock bands and had her own radio show, would just look kooky on a 40 something Realtor. Okay, I'll admit it, I had a dress I loved that was a simple style, full skirt V-neck and fitted waist when I was about 280#. It looked good on me, so what's the catch, it was black with a pattern of glow in the dark lobsters! This was not the strangest dress I had either. So this is not the sort of thing I see myself wearing these days as I show houses and care for my pre-schooler. Another piece of the puzzle is that the LBL has changed my body type. I was always an hour glass shape and suddenly I am slim hipped and have a small butt. As the swelling goes down I am hoping my waist will re-assert itself but without the big hips and butt to show it off it will no longer be my best feature. My new figure is certainly more fashionable and I suspect I will get used to it but for now it just feels like there is a stranger hanging out in my mirror. I am wondering if others have shared this experience (okay, not the lobster dress part) and what you ended up doing about it. Did you find a style that worked for you? Are you still looking? If you did find something that feels right, how did you do it? Any ideas on where I should look? Right now, I have lots of sweats and some cute work clothes. While they are cute, I don't feel like they say much about me, they work but I am hoping for something that will help me find a style that is truly my own. I always swore that if I ever got thin I was gonna go get a bunch of square dance outfits and wear them all over town but now that the day has come, I am having second thoughts. I do love a good petticoat though . So that's me in a nut shell. Thanks Amy, for pointing me to this board. I hope I can be a useful contributer here. Thanks for reading all of this, I didn't plan on running this long when I started. , Laura HW=305, CW=157

Style .. Style ... Style .. How did it change for me .. OMG .. I once was this very large blazer wearing freak . I always kept my big butt hidden - or atleast I thought it was .. but oblivious to the fact it really stuck out .. LOL .. Change is so cool , I now wear what ever I want .. with taste that is . I love short skirts, heels ... tank tops .. halter tops .. low rider jeans .. and once all my plastics are over with . LBL=BL=BA=TP .. I will be wearing more of the form fitting clothes . I was very lucky with my skin , even after loosing 200 pounds , my toning really helped and the docs say I was left just deflated .. LOL .. I say go for what ever suits your personallity . I love dressing up now .. makes life so much fun .. Enjoy , Natalie

Natalie, Thanks so much for your encouraging reply!  Sadly, my skin did not fare well so my arms are really not fit for showing off at all.  I will probably get them done eventually along with my breasts but since I am having a slow recovery from my lower body lift it will be a while.  For now, I need sleeves at least to the elbow.  Right now I am still too sore and swollen to really try on jeans but I am looking forward to wearing all sorts of pant styles that I never could get to work before, once I am fully healed.  Sweats are looking really good already!  It is fun but weird too.  Thanks again, Laura

HI Laura and Welcome!!! First off, Congratulations on all of your success! You should be so happy and proud of yourself with all that you've accomplished!!! As far as style goes, I'm not sure how I'd explain mine, LOL. It nice to not have to buy just any old thing b/c its the only thing that will fit! I think I've become a little sexier, but I too have 2 children ages 6 and 9, so I have to stay appropriate for PTA meetings and Ice Cream Socials. I definitely dress more form fitting now and do not like wearing anything that hangs on me or is too big. I don't work outside of the home right now so I'm pretty mu*****ute jeans every day~I used to HATE to wear jeans, especially all day long, b/c they were so confining and uncomfortable, but now I love wearing them! I know what you mean about being overwhelmed in stores or the mall b/c there's so much to chose from~I find that taking someone along with me, dh or a friend, really helps. Then I can try stuff on for them and they can help me to know what looks the best. I still don't get sometimes that I'm a size 6/8 so I have a hard time truly seeing my own reflection in the mirror~at least the REAL reflection. Good Luck to You! Tracy B 328/150 5'9"

Thanks Tracy!   I will have to find someone to take with me next time I go shopping.   Just before my lower body lift I started really loving jeans.  I am looking forward to wearing them again once my swelling goes down.  Right now sweats are about all I can stand although I did wear a skirt the other day and it looked quite nice.  I think a big part of my problem is trying to out how to dress appropriately for my age.  I haven't been this size since I was a teen.  Now I find myself drawn to very young clothes but here I am in my 40s. I am having the same problem with men.  The only ones that look interesting to me are at least a decade too young.  It's like I am trying to pick up where I left off when I met Brian.  I have to remind myself that 40 year old men are younger than I am now.  As far as fashion goes, I am hoping to find a look that is fun and probably kind of arty but not too childish, if you know what I mean.  Thanks again, Laura

Dear Laura, I have always loved good clothes but could never wear them. So now I am really enjoying being picky. Before I took whatever I could fit! I would suggest you start with getting a couple of good books on style--my favorites are "In Style: Secrets of Style" and the "Lucky Shoppers Manual." Start by looking at the pictures to get a sense of what you like. Then read up on what shapes, fabrics, and colors will work for your new shape. The Lucky Manual has great tips on how things should fit. I go to stores--without any money in hand--just to try on clothes. Try on anything and everything. Make notes of what colors you like, what brands fit you best, etc. Go for the high end stuff. It really is worth it to have fewer good pieces that make you feel and look great than a bunch of mediocre stuff that just covers you. Then, take your notes, and go surfing on the web. There are tons of sites that sell discount clothes. Search for the brands and cuts you know will fit you. Here, ebay can be our friend! If you like bold, go for great prints in blouses or jackets that you can mix and match--unless you are very top heavy. If you like things a bit "fashion forward," check out local boutiques (and then do the online thing again for better prices). Just remember, the goal is to look balanced. So if you are top heavy, you want to make your legs look in proportion, so where wider legged pants for example. If you are hippy, wear tops with pattern/detail that draws the eye up. I used to work retail and women who were all top with skinny legs would want to buy leggings and big shirts thinking it showed off their legs. It really just made them look like lollypops. But most importantly, have fun! Sally

Thanks Sally! These look like great books!   I guess right now I am a little top heavy since my hips and butt have been reduced so much by the LBL but I haven't had any plastics on the upper body yet.  I'm still a 34 DD for now.  After plastics I expect to end up a C or maybe even a B.  That will be a huge change for me.  I have always had a big bust and it was my favorite thing about my body.  That is going to be rough but I know I will actually be more balanced with smaller breasts.  I am finally learning to be picky and only get things that I really love.  It's hard to remember that I don't have to just take anything that fits.  I like the idea of going to boutiques.  I think that would help me find things that are a little more unusual.  It would also be less overwhelming.  Thanks again, Laura

I, too, lost my butt.  It's almost completely flat (so are my boobs but that's pretty much always been the case).  The fat in your body is very differently proportioned nowadays. I like to wear slim-fitting jeans or slacks w/a straight leg.  They make my legs look long and give me the slim, clean look I favor.  I also wear blouses, sweaters or tees that are kind of plain but that's just me.  I do like colors, tho.  Teal, red, lavender.  It's fun to wear whatever I really want.  Unfortunately, it sounds as if my taste may bore you to tears. Why don't you try a few different looks (also a smaller store so you're not hit by everything at once) to relearn what your taste is now? 

Thanks so much for your reply! I actually think your taste sounds great.  There is nothing wrong with simplicity.  I haven't tried the new slim fitting jeans yet.  I do think I should try some smaller stores.  I guess I am looking for a new look so trying a few different styles is a good idea.  Thanks again, Laura