Am I alone in feeling like this surgery was a mistake?

Denise: I've had second thoughts myself since surgery. But, after reading Sally's reply, I think I would have to agree that it is my emotions conflicting with reason. I decided to have surgery because I knew I did not have the discipline to lose my weight through diet and exercise. I knew I would surely have some serious health problems if I didn't reduce my weight at that time. Now that I've lost most of my excess weight and taken care of some other health concerns, I've had some regrets that I couldn't do it on my own and that now I may have other WLS related health issues in the future. As Sally said, my regrets are primarily based upon emotion. I have no personal reason for regret or worry at present, so why do I do this? Just because someone we know has experienced a health issue, it doesn't mean we will. One question that has often come to my mind is that after everything has gone so well up to now when will I experience a negative consequence? This truly isn't a rational thought, but it has crept in occassionally. Now, I'll throw you a curve. First, I can agree with you on being a bit worried about some of the possible long-term health risks we read about on OH. Do I have any of those issues? No. Of all the patients I know, have many had these issues? No. Here's where I surprise even myself. I'm a motorcycle enthusiast. Have I been involve in an accident? Yes (but thankfully it was pretty minor as they go). Do I know many other riders that have had accidents? Yes. Does that make me worry so much that it prevents me from getting on my bike and having a lot of fun? No, but it does reinforce my use protective clothing, proper riding techniques and being vigilent on my rides in order to survive. I think we can relate this to our WLS journey, too. So why do I worry about what may happen to me long-term after WLS more than what might happen to me with such a risky hobby? One might initially feel it is because we might not feel as mu*****ontrol of our future. But we really are in control! We make the decision to eat property (that is always going to be a battle), take our supplements and exercise. So we really are in control, even more so than I am on my bike when I have no control over what other drivers do out on the road! I know this is a bit rambling, but it helped me reflect a bit, too. As I get farther out, I think I am worrying less. I hope you find peace with your decision. Matt

Hi Denise, Sally and Matt make some really excellent points. I know there is alot of concern out there about malabsorption and mal-nourishment. I would offer that there are many obese and non-obese people who are vitamin deficient/mal-nourished because they choose to eat the wrong things. I also wanted to add simply that although I am aware of what complications I could have had/or will have, I choose to be vigilant about the signs and just go with it. I realize there are some things that are attributable to having abdominal surgery, but isn't it possible to have these same issues without having had surgery (i.e., hernia, mal-nourishment, etc)? It's almost as though you are "Monday Morning Quarterbacking" yourself. I feel bad for you that you're beating yourself up over this. I realize that most of us were morbidly obese through a combination of factors of genetics and behavioral patterns. I take responsibility for the bad behaviors that I indulged in that helped my obesity get out of control. I tried and failed many times at losing weight and keeping it off. The problem was not in losing, it was in the keeping it off. Everytime I would be less vigilant about diet and exercise the weight would come piling back on and I would be in that downward spiral of weight gain/loss of control. I believe obesity is a disease. If you were an alcoholic and knew you could never beat alcoholism other than by taking drastic measures (surgery) would you be beating yourself up over it because you took those drastic measures to regain your health? It's not as easy as "grabbing control of your life". Please don't think I'm criticizing you, I don't mean to. I guess I'm hoping that you might read my words (or the words of someone else on here) and not be so hard on yourself. I hope you find peace with your decision. Take Care, Terry

HI Denise. Well, you have a some wonderful, well thought out reponses to your question already. I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I am one that says "I'd do it again in a heartbeat" and I truly mean it. That being said, I do sometimes think about the future and pray that I will be fine. I don't worry or dwell on it, but anything can happen I guess~wls or no wls. I just know for me, wls threw me a lifeline. I was not at the point of being sick or dying for my m.o., but that's certainly where I was headed and unfortunately I COULD NOT gain control on my own. That's disappointing to think about~I didn't have enough control of my own body~that's very sad to admit. So, while I share your concerns, I don't feel any regret! I feel blessed to have had wls b/c it gave me my life back and now I'm free!!!!! I hope you feel better about things someday, but for now try not to worry about the future~it has a way of taking care of itself and all of the worry in the world won't change the outcome in the end. Good Luck to You!!!!! Tracy B 328/150 5'9"

Hi Denise! I appreciate your willingness to post what can be such a contraversial topic. I would love to share with you my journey so you can see my perspective. I have a family history of morbid obesity. My Aunt was my guinnea pig and at 500+ lbs had RNY. She did a lot of the leg work on finding a surgeon and program, over an hour away from our hometown. I accompanied her for some appointments, but at one time had lost almost 100lbs on a strict diet program, for my wedding so felt that it was not really needed for me. After my wedding the weight piled on quickly, and even quicker when I got pregnant with my oldest son. After her surgery I realized that yes, I could lose the weight on my own, but keeping it off was more than I could do alone. My Aunt actually undewent a revision shortly before I received insurance assistance and made the decision that I would have surgery. To make a long story short, my Aunt went through A LOT of medical problems possibly related to, probably complicated by her WLS, and passed away this past June at 41 years old. This is a person that I share DNA with. Am I concerned about suffering from the same problems she had? Not really. I know I am a different person with so many different cir****tances. I certainly understand how scary it can be to think of all the possible complications that can arise from the surgery, however if you get in that mindset you can apply it to the air we breath and water we drink! We could be fearful of everything we do in life. I had this surgery to break out of fear and ridicule that the extra 100# had caused me. Don't let that lesson become clouded by the fear. Make a list, as silly as it may be, of all the ways your life has improved by losing weight. It may be just what you need to pull yourself out of the fear and depression. Good luck! Jeanette

I come from a family of obese people, not everyone in my family WAS obese, but certainly quite a few, and none of them have lived past 70 years old, except my grandmother but she can barely walk. My father died at 51, my Grandfather at 70. They had multiple health problems. I betcha, if given the choice, they would have traded the adhesion surgery and being "cut open like a fish" from WLS, instead of being "cut open like a fish" from obesity related conditions. I wish they were here so I could ask them. I didn't want to end up like them. I knew the path I was on and I decided to fight that. Years of obesity really took it's toll on them.

Denise, I commend you for taking the risk and opening this kind of thread. Many folks would not put themselves out there because of the potential for backlash. So 'atta girl for talking about an important topic. I think we all come to WLS after many failed attempts at weight loss, plus lots and lots of soul searching. I do not think it is a decision any of us make lightly. We all hope that we'll be one of the lucky ones that loses fast and never has any complications. But we all know that we're taking a big risk by having WLS. For most of us, the risks of surgery are less than the ongoing health risks associated with remaining obese, morbidly obese, super obese, or super morbidly obese. That being said, we cannot predict what kind of results we'll have, nor whether we will develop other medical complications. We can, however, control whether we are compliant with follow-up, supplements, proteins, fluids, etc. While that won't necessarily keep you from having complications, it gives you the best chance for long-term success. I don't understand the psychology behind why we can be so compliant after surgery, when we couldn't control our eating before. Perhaps it's because our pouch won't let us overeat. Perhaps it's because we're finally mentally ready to deal with the issues that caused us to become so overweight. Perhaps it's something else. Either way, these are extremely complex issues that are very individualized. Which is the fancy way of saying we all have to find our own path... I'm sorry your struggling with your decision to have WLS. I hope that you are able to work through these issues and move on with your life in a positive way. Best of luck on your continuing journey. Kellie

Denise... I also commend your courage to name your feelings at this time. The posts that follow have so much wisdom I am really amazed and inspired. We all make the best choices we can in the moment that we choose with the information that we have at that time. Each decision has a gift and a challenge - none is challenge free or devoid of gifts. I work with alot of trauma patients and the same sort of thing happens - there is grief and self blame that gets stuck in the body for what did not happen that needs to be moved through or let go of. That sounds a little bit like where you are at and the more support you can get for yourself the better - connecting with others may be enough - your instincts are good - if it keeps eating away at you then somone with training may be where you want to look. Debra

Rightt now I'm really struggling with regrets because of my issues with anemia right now. However, I know, that regrets never bring about anything good. After intense examination, I don't think I would have done anything differently knowing what I knew then. I'd done the research, checked several doctors, etc. I do all my subliments and get labs done regularly. What I worry about now, is that if this surgey because too easy to get, that people won't do the research, won't understand how life changing it is, and will end up anger as well as regrets. Torrey (281/177/160)

Well, I asked myself the very same question when the doctor told me that I have to lose the eleven pounds that I have gained in six months or he is doing my surgery over again. But thinking about what I was fighting before the surgery was getting bigger and bigger with every exercise plan and diet plan, etc. So I really have to remind myself that I have to stick with this and I chose this way of life. I would probably be 300 lbs right now. I dont tell anyone any advice about having or not having the surgery because they have to make the choice. Would I do it again? Yes, but I would eat a little more cautiously and realize, that chocolate is not my friend. See I learned to cope with dumping so that I may have sweets, that was my mistake. I have now dumped out all the choclote out of the house and now I stock up with protein bars. So I believe that you made this choice for all the right reasons, and you will be sucessful. Unfortunately not all are sucessful. Some even dont make it. Each one of us are individual. I look in the mirrow and think that I am a fat cow still even though I went from a size 20 to a size 11. So hugss to you and you have alot of support here and friends. Stacy

You don't say how long ago you had the surgery. If it is recent then sure most of us had remorse. In the first and second month alot of us felt that way but now we don't. We know we are better off and I know even though I would have loved " to take control of myself and do it without taking such drastric measures..." it never would have happened. sure I would start out good but then I would cave in and the cycle would start again. With this surgery I MUS****ch what I eat and how much or I will pay a price. Have you talked to your surgeon about this? or even to your regular doctor. Maybe you need an antidepressant to help out. Hope you feel better soon. Koukla