ex reappearing

has anyone got divorced and then a few years later your ex tries to come back into your life? now that i look totally different and have a better attitude he is showing interest. i am remarried, only been married 1 1/2 years. it has been a very hard and long 1 1/2 year. at first i had the surgery thinking it would save my marriage, then when we divorced i started drinking very heavily and gained 40 pounds back. now, i have lost 23 of the 40 and i am back to my happy self. i started drinking to numb the pain of the divorce. now when i thought for sure he was out of my life, he reappears. any advice would help... oh--i had the surgery may 2003. i lost all but 3 pnds of my goal weight. (i gained most of my weight having his children)

For me I think it would depend on why you two broke up in the first place. If it was nasty .....then drop him like a hot potato. Or just " be friends " I really couldn't tell you I have been married to the same guy for almost 35 years ( Dec. 4) Good Luck, Sandy

No one can tell you what to do or advise you, this is a decision you have to make. If I read this right you might be considering taking him back? That tells me that the love you have for your current husband is not strong. Second I read your decision to have surgery was based on trying to save a marriage. This decision should have been to save your life for health reasons. If you divorced after surgery it appears that the marriage was doomed even with the surgery. I have been married and divorced (currently married) a few more times than I like to think about. If he is the father of your children then you should keep him in your life as the "childrens father" only. Just be civil and work on you. It appears that there needs to be some time for you..... Darlene

He's the father of your children, so it's normal that you two would interact. However, you're MARRIED. Before you start thinking about whether or not you want to get back together with your EX, you need to think about your CURRENT husband. Based on what little you've told us, I would say that your situation is one that really would benefit from professional therapy, as it appears that you: a) are unhappily married b) possibly have low self-esteem that you would have surgery for HIM rather than YOU c) have unaddressed addiction/stress issues - possibly food addictions that transferred to alcohol when binging was no longer an option. These are not things the people here on the board can really help you with. Please seek a professional counselor who has experience with WLS, body dysmorphia and addiction transference. --BT

Memories get sweeter by the day. one tends to forget the bad, and build up on the golden glow of the good times, esp if one is in not such a good place presently. my x re-appeared in my life to help with fixing the house. within 3 days of seeing him everyday i realised how lucky i was to have divorced him years ago. if you could not work out the relationship many years ago, you wont be able to do so now count your blessings, and leave the past in the past. remember what you went through with the divorce, the drinking and face reality that soon you may be going down that route again. please choose happiness