Up A Little/Down A Little

I feel the same way ... I have just stared peeking in this forum lately. I will hit my year mark this month on the 21st. I find myself being able to eat more now and I can tolerate just about anything even sweets which I hate! I take a nibble here and there or a pinch of this or that! I am so scared of gaining weight though and I am pushing it too and I still am not gaining but I know this is going to stop sooner than later. I thought I would find more support here than on some of the other forums since I am through the surgery and getting in another phase of it all. I go up and down within about 5 pounds but always goes back down it seems. I am getting lazy about taking my vitamins and getting protein I almost feel "normal" now like I never had the surgery if that makes any sense? I know I have got to get strict on what I eat ... I am just plain scared of getting fat again!

It is really scary when you start to be able to eat more. You will find that this board has so much support, down to earth advice and wisdom! I hope to see you around often and Congratulations on your upcoming 1yr anniversary!!!!!!!!!! Tracy B

Melissa: I agree with a lot of what you're saying here. But I think you should redefine "normal" a bit. I'll tell you why I'm saying this. I grew up in a family in which half of us had a weight problem, and the other half didn't. We all ate the same, pretty much got the same amount of physical activity. But my one sister and I got fat, my oldest sister was always very thin. But believe me, if being normal means you have control around food, she definitely did not. She's as much a food/sweet/junk addict as I am, it's just that her metabolism takes care of it for her. Fair? Of course not. But it is reality. Don't make us take on any more guilt than what we already have. None of us, fat or thin, gets to say what type of metabolism we will have. Obesity is very complex, and for most of us, it isn't just lack of control around food. We must also consider metabolism, genetics, lifestyle. I know many seemingly "normal" (weight-wise) people who have major issues with food. Nobody gets on their case about it though, because if you're thin, everyone assumes you don't have a food problem.

I am so sorry if I offended you. I am not trying to define normal. To me, there is no such thing as normal. You have to figure out what the norm is for yourself and what works for you in particular. I was not trying to get deep into what normal means. I was simply saying that people who have never been morbidly obese like my mom and sister don't freak out if the scale budges because that is what happens and it is okay. I was just saying that because of our history we tend to panic and get scared. I was just offering some support to Tracy. I was not trying to add guilt or define anything. Too deep for me. And trust me I know what you mean about growing up in a family where some are small and some are not. Grew up in one just like it. But anyway, I apologize again. I come here to try and be helpful not to hurt anyone or make anyone feel guilty, and now I feel so bad that you took my post the way you did. Maybe it would be better for me to just lurk and read from now on. Good luck to you. Sorry, Melissa

Melissa: No apology necessary. I was not offended by what you said. I was just offering another opinion into the mix. What prompted me is that I sometimes see so many of us being so terribly hard on ourselves. And while I know that we have contributed in the past to becoming morbidly obese, I also truly feel that much of it is beyond our control. Sometimes it's hard to write the way we are feeling. I can see in this case you thought you hurt my feelings, and you did not at all. I just felt prompted to add my opinion to perhaps shed another slightly different light on things. Thank you for responding, and again, please don't feel that you offended me at all. We're all just here to talk and be honest with each other about what's happening. Carlita

Thanks Melissa! It is good to know that I'm not alone and I think its great that we're all here to help and support each other. You all keep me more on track, most days! Tracy B

You know - its weird, once I reached my goal, I felt like - that's it? I feel like I should be doing something, but I guess that's what maintenence is all about. I go up and down about 2 lbs, and yes, I think my friends who never had weight issues are this way - they give themselves x number of lbs - if they get up there, they pull in the reins. I think its still hard to feel "normal" where weight is concerned - for me anyway.

I don't think I'll ever feel normal b/c I still have that 328lb woman sitting on my shoulder. Sometimes I can even physically feel that I'm MO again~very scary. I believe in the limit method too~if I gain X amount then I need to gain control again. So far its working, but I just worry sometimes. Tracy B

Tracy: Oh my gosh am I going through the same thing. I still haven't lost down to 140 yet and I am 1 year-9 1/2 months out. Just within the past 3 months I have found I can graze all day if I want on those horrible barbque chips, cashews, etc. I have actually let myself gain 8 pounds back. I am going to have to start exercising and get myself back on track again. I think we are now seeing what normal is really all about. I don't know very many women who can eat anything they want and maintain the weight they want. Most women I know have to watch what they eat most of their lives. If they don't they are so blessed with a great matabolism which we all obviously do not have. You know, I really did not want to have to drink protein shakes for the rest of my life, but I know if I want to go on down (I am at 172 right now, started at 276) I am going to have to get back on program, including drinking all of my fluids (which I am not much of a drinker either) and just get with it. I like you didn't realize how hard it would be after the honeymoon period was over. I wish life could have stayed as it was at 1 year out. Now it is up to us. You know when people tell us it is the easy way out, I can now truthfully say - hey I have to watch what I eat just like you do or I will gain weight. It's not all easy, just a tool as they have told us all along. Thank you for your honesty and we can all give each other a little support here and there and know we are "Normal" and we are not alone. Rita

Thanks so much Rita! We are pretty much exactly the same amount post op and we're struggling with the same issues. Its good to know that I can come here and you will all understand. This certainly wasn't the easy way out~its ALOT of work! And you're right, most people can't eat whatever they want every day and maintain a responable weight. So, I guess as long as we watch and are careful on most days, we'll be fine! And gaining control back when we screw up is what's most important~not the fact that we made a mistake. Hugs, Tracy B