Up A Little/Down A Little

So, I haven't been "perfect" lately. I've been giving a bit too much leeway. Some days I am sooooo good and other days I just get a little out of control. I find if I go up a few pounds then I am able to get myself back on the straight and narrow for awhile to get those pesky pounds back off. I guess this is how "normal" people eat, but I've never been normal so its kinda scary for me. I'm so afraid that some day I won't be able to jump right back on track and I'll gain weight. This whole maintenance thing has me all messed up! I've never been good at it before, but I have to succeed this time! I'm happy in the 150's, but don't ever want to get back into the 160's again and of course I'd love to see the 140's someday~ahhhhh, the struggle continues~forever! Tracy B 328/150's 5'9"

Boy, you are describing my thoughts and feelings exactly. It is a dance between eating what I should and seeing just how far I can go without gain. It is really hard to figure out what normal is. Good luck Lynn

Lynn, you are so right! Sometimes I have to pu**** just to see how far I can go without gaining~why the heck do I do that! Well, thanks for letting me know I'm not alone! Tracy B

I think this is something everyone does to an extent. I know a few very disciplined people who are always in control of what they eat, exercise regularly, do all the right things 99% of the time. I honestly don't believe most people (overweight or normal weight) have all that much food control. As I mentioned in another post in this thread, I know plenty of "normal" people who have food issues. They just don't gain as easily as we do, most likely. I believe metabolism is the difference.

I too believe that its a combo of things that brought us to being MO. And its also true that most people aren't 100% in control over their diet every day. I guess I just tend to be hard on myself b/c I don't want to be a failure! And b/c we can/may gain easily it really scares me. But thanks to my friends here at OH, I have alot of great support to help me thru my time of worry! Thanks! Tracy B

Tracy, I could have written this post, I feel so emotional lately and really upset with some of my choices. The maintenance part of this is so very difficult. I just can't pinpoint why I allow myself to do some of the things I've been doing. Why do I never feel satisifed after eating, now don't get me wrong I'm not hungry just don't get the satisfaction I got from eating early out. And, to think I wasn't really an emotional eater but a volume eater that just liked the taste of food pre-op~~~wrong~~~ I am most definitely an emotional eater. The saga continues, the struggle will be here forever. Dana

Hi Dana! I can't pinpoint why I do what I do either. Being honest, my choices have been pretty bad for the past week~its like I was sticking to the plan faithfully for quite awhile and then WHAM! All of the sudden I started eating like crap! Sorry that you're dealing with these issues too, but it's good to know that I'm not losing my mind! Hugs, Tracy B

Hello Tracy - Sometimes, when I focus on just how daunting and FOREVER "maintaining" will be, I still question if I'm up to the task and will I be successful for the long haul. I know how easy it would be to just "allow myself" to enjoy all the high caloric sugary desserts that my head [and every flippin' pore of my body] seems to always CRAVE. Especially since I don't dump (at all) and most sugary high caloric foods are very very easy to consume in large quantities. LOL, 6 ounces of chicken, vs 6 ounces of chocolate? Such a contrast. Thankfully, I still WIN more days then I lose, but at 4 years post op, I should. The rewards of my hard earned effort to lose 240 pounds is still very much in the forefront of my thoughts, but with everything in life - time fades the memories. What happens when the memory of the 400 pound Lei begins to fade and I become cavalier in my approach to maintain? Sure, it's easy to say "I'll never forget where I've come from" ...but to coin a phrase, "time heals all wounds" ...including memories of being SMO. I dunno, it concerns me, and I'm sure a very real real demon I'll be facing 15 and 20 years from now. I went to lunch with a good friend here in VaBeach yesterday (also had the surgery). She's now two years post op, at goal (for about 9 months, I believe?) and the very true FEARS of "maintenance and will I regain the weight" is at the forefront of her thoughts. I remember (and Im sure I journalized it) the very true fear of "failure" that pretty much CONSUMED me, about 2 years into my post-op period. When I was experiencing the weight loss, I never had the fear of not making goal (seriously) ... failure was NEVER an option. But now, in the maintenance stages, Ive yet to completely train my mind that 'regain is not an option'. Who knows, maybe the "fear of it" will be enough to always keep me on track, BUT, I have to even wonder about that based on one of the comments I made to her. I still can't believe I said it, much less how casually and easily it slid outta my thought process and off my tongue. I told her, that I fully saw myself maintaining the weight loss, for another 10 or 15 years, but I suspected that if someone ran into me in my early 60's, I'd probably have a 50 or 75 weight gain keeping me warm. ...how's that for pretty much GIVING MYSELF PERMISSION, years in advance, to give up on maintaining based on my "take life easy/retirement years". Okay, I've rambled enough on this - have a great day!!!! Lei

Maybe it is a timing thing Lei! Maybe at 2yrs you start to doubt everything. I mean, we're not losing, hopefully we're not gaining, we're just existing for the first time in a long, long time and that's scary. I guess as long as I know my limit and I can pull the reins back in when necessary, then I'll be ok. If I get out of control I coming to you guys though! To kick me in the a$$ and straighten me out! Thanks for your words of wisdom! Tracy B

I so understand. I am like you. The scale goes up a little and I seem to be able to do what is necessary to get it back down. But I keep asking myself why do I keep letting it go up in the first place. My mother who has never had a weight problem told me I was just normal. That is what normal people do. They travel up and down the scale within a range. They go up they modify a little to go down. But that is scary to me because what if one day I can't modify to go down. I mean I do have that history of being out of control around food. Normal people don't carry that history with them. They don't know what it is like to really want something and feel powerless to say no to it even though you know the consequence. Scary stuff. Anyway, I just wanted you to know you are not alone. Maybe we can use this board to help one another. Hopefully we can all draw on each other's strength and determination and help one another over the bumps in the road so that we can all be healthy and successful. Good luck, girl. Melissa