Are you struggling to get to goal?

At a recent support group meeting we were discussing how hard it is to lose that last 20/30 lbs. A question was asked that makes one think: Are you afraid to get to goal? Because if you do, then what? It seems many people struggle with that last 20/30 lbs. All said that they have started falling off their regime. That they are, in fact, sabotaging themselves. They're actually afraid to get to their goal and then maintain their weight. So many of us have dieted our whole lives that we know how to do that but we don't know how to maintain and we're afraid of failing at that. One gal said that she felt like many people were waiting for her to fail, first at losing the weight and then keeping it off. Actually, that was all in her own head because her family and friends were thrilled for her. She finally realized what she was doing and took her focus off her weight and shifted it to learning how to live a healthy life. She is now more focused on putting good healthy food into her body and exercising. She's now our resident marathoner and have encouraged several in our support group to get into our local races. (I have my first official timed half marathon coming up on Sunday.) So, my challenge to all who are struggling with that last little bit is to delve into yourselves and ask yourself if you are afraid and if so, why. Maybe once you can answer that question, you can let that fear go and get on with your life. Linda

Linda, I think much of this is a shared top with Becky Sue's post one down. I wrote a long reply there. I definitely think often people self-sabotage. If they reach goal, what happens? What happens if we still aren't happy? What happens if we still have problems? If we do not have "losing" in our life anymore, what do we have? What happens when a lifelong goal of losing is met and we reach goal? What do we do and focus on next? Scarey stuff. Great topic. K

I really love going to our local support group meetings. It really helps to voice our fears and anxiety and have a group discussion. I've found our topics quite informative. It's funny, we've had psychiatrists come in to talk to us but I've found that we get more help from others in our support group more than some of the experts. Anyway, it's made me think about my own struggles and how to overcome my fears. I know that I've used my weight as a "wall" to keep people out and have been trying to overcome that. I so want to get to goal that I've been able to stay focused on my plan. I am now struggling with being happy once I get to goal. I think I, too, have become addicted to seeing that scale go down. But, I know that I don't want to be stupid about it and become sick. So, I am now telling myself that I'm virtually done and I need to learn how to maintain a heathy lifestyle. I will allow myself to get down to 135 but no more!

linda....your post hits home with me---i read it then went down to becky sue's to see the others' replies--there are two sides to this coin...and i am stuck in midair! when i started; i was considered a liteweight-needing to only lose about 100-110 pounds...should be a piece of cake after wls?NOT!!!! seems that the pounds don't come off quite s quickly....so-ok that should be a good thing? give us time to adjust our heads? well...i dunno--- allow me to ramble for a few minutes: i have a large (by my standards) panni so i know that i am not getting small as i would like -and am not sure that i'll ever afford plastics-whole other topic.... i started out at 233 -i am 5'1" and i was 50 years old at the time of my surgery....by one year i had lost down to 150 #--that would be -83 pounds....whooooooooooo hoooooooo that is the lowest i had been in 22 years!!!!!slow but it WAS downward! i knew that portion control was a problem for me and grazing.... so; i was on a downward swingl--all was looking good- i had my head into exercise and i was good about all of my nutrition....my hubby got very very sick and i almost lost him twice with a month...my coping mechanisms for stress were horrid- i started grazing again...i ate- hospital food isn't really that bad-do you know how much salad bar you can fit into one of those takeout things???tooooo much! even salad isn't good with all of the "stuff' on top! and i paid for it so i sure didn't wanna waste it--after all...those starving armenian kids are now starving armenian grownups... by last fall, i had gained back up to 180-ouch! so that's a regain of 30#----i need to take THOSE back off plus continue down about 20-25 more.....double ouch!. so- he gets better and i try to wrap my head around getting back on track-but conquering the carbmonster isn't quite so easy this time around...doable-just not easy-- my head takes me back to leilani's "no crying in baseball!"... i get a dog- a 95 # dane/shepherd-to walk...hahahaha!! she can knock me over in a heartbeat!!!!!! so--i am starting to make headway again, my shoe size is smaller! (in highschool i wore size 5 shoes and size 3 clothes-i was 99# when i graduate din 1972)..i'm back into 6-1/2's and now some 6's(shoes)--my body size tho is still wearing some XL's -down to some mediums and some 12's--wtf??????? afew days ago; i felt great! felt slimmer -whamo-the office takes a group photo and i look old, fat and wrinkly....huh??? my (birth) mother (who is 14 years older) had surgery 11 mos after i did--and she looks fantastic--she is tiny! she is in 12's and 14's and i am so envious....but she has her portion control down pat!!!no major excess rolls of plump anywhere-and no actual exercise regime.......yes, she has batwings and jowls... i look at my closet and i whine that i don't like my clothes-but i am not doing much about getting down farther- is it because then i would have to spend money (which is in short supply lately) to get new things (even goodwill costs money-i don't have to have brand new!)???? have been so tight on the budget that the squeaks are coming from all directions! am i afraid to succeed????probly...why??i dunno...have i sought a counselor? no--i am afraid of what i might have to deal with.....the counselor that my doc suggested works in an area of town that i am afraid to drive to ( i am developing anxiety attacks now)...lemme see ..that's two excuses....... when i was in school -our kitchen cupboards were sparsely populated- my adopted mom was a lousy cook- so maybe i eat cuz i think food will run out? my hubby and i keep a pretty well stocked larder--he is a great cook --but i must be the responsible one when it comes to portions....i don't smoke and don't wanna start....i don't bite my nails...i do chew gum now when i think of it but then i get gassy.... i look in the mirror and some days i see fat and some days i see wrinkles and some days i don't recognize that face at all.......my rings are getting loose and i love that cuz it shows that i am losing-from my fingers! but what about the rest of me????? what IS my problem????fear of success? lack of confidence? lack of conviction? i fought to get approval!! i wrote my own appeal (2nd)....why can't i get my self motivated to lose the rest--????? is it that i KNOW that at 52 i will never look the same as i did at 17?? i have had three kids...i never got taller....i have never developed my own "style"....have no clue of who i am....... ok- i have rambled for more than a few minutes....have i answered anything? no...do i feel better? no--but --thank you for listening!!!!!! congrats to you on the marathon-today?? good luck in your time- just know that participating is a positive!!!