Not wanting to maintain...

I was very glad to see that other people are feeling the way I feel. My surgeon's goal for me was 138. At first I thought I would be happy at 150, Then I thought I would be happy at 140. When I reached my goal weight I was ecstatic. I am now at 132, but I feel I will be happier at 125. I am in a size 4 to 6, but I still think I will feel better if I see 125. My husband and friends keep telling me that I am skinny enough and are beginning to worry. It almost feeds my sickness. I never want to be fat again, so I would rather see the scales going down then up. I have thinking about going back to my counselor to discuss my feelings. I am addicted to my scales and get so nervous if I go up one pound.

Wow, by reading your responses I see a lot of people relate to what you are saying! This is something I hadn't thought much about pre op or early on post op. But, I too, can relate now. I'm just a tad over a year out and find that I have such a different outlook on things now that I'm here. The goal I set for myself was 145 because that put me at "normal" on the BMI scale. My surgeon recently told me (mid summer time) he would like to see me adjust that goal to 155, then have plastic surgery and end up around 145. Well, for the past week to 10 days I've been holding steady at 146 - until this morning all of a sudden mr. scale says 144. I felt that RUSH when I saw it, and it felt good since I hadn't been looking at the scale to move downward in quite a while. Then I see this post and responses and it truly confirms why I love OH so much! I can't imagine going throuth this WLS journey without it! I'm going out for my morning walk now, my peaceful 'think time', and I know today I will be thinking a lot about this topic, and where my head is at concerning what the scale says. Thank you for posting this. Take care and have a wonderful Saturday! Jeanne

Becky Sue, When I reached 13 months out I had hit goal weight. then I got to 149. People told me I looked sick. I was hardly eating at all. I was literally making myself very ill. I looked terrible. It turns out it was depression. Clinically speaking. I was obessed with staying thin and getting thinner. Seeing that scale go down was a high. But I knew I had a problem and had to nip it in the bud. at 149 with 12 pounds of skin to remove, that was not a healthy weight for me. I was scared. I think you might want to think about seeing a counselor or a shrink. 3 or 4 sessions with a Counselor helped me tremendously. Hugs, Jane

What you are describing is symptomatic of an eating disoder, one that could threaten your health. It seems to be fairly common, trading over eating for anorexia or bulemia. I think working with a therapist who is experienced in eating disorders and getting some balance may help. try reading "How much does your soul weigh?" by Dorie McCubbrey Also, re-examine your reasons for having surgery. Health? was any thing in that choice related to being thinner than is healthy for your body, or under weight, or jeapordizing your health by not eating properly to fuel your body?

How scare=ry! I thought I was the only one obsessing over it! I hit doc's goal at about 19 months, 130 lbs...I always dreamed I'd be satisfied, but somehow it wasn't enough. I kept thinking..dang..I'd look great if I just lost another pound..and then another..and than another. It seemed the less my scale read, the more drive I had to force it even lower. I started taking in no more than 700 calories a day and felt so so soOooO weak. I hit 127lbs and everybody was telling me how sickly I looked. I don't see it. I really want to hit 120 lbs...which I know is really small being I probably have about 8-10 lbs worth of excess skin, but I'm determined! What's silly is the extra few pounds I've dropped isn't all that noticeable to anyone but me. Why is it such a big deal? Why do I get SO freaked out when the scale goes up a pound or two? I'm punishing my body. For what? To say that I dropped below 130lbs? 120lbs? Is it to show my body wrong? To prove to it, no matter how hard it wants to fight it, I will get it skinny? I relate with everyone because I know my mind is sick. I have the sense to know that it's not healthy, but secretly I DO want to get that low. I tell myself that I'm full so I don't finish my food because secretly I'm counting the calories. It's true. I've spent most of my life allowing my weight to climb, I'd rather see it dropping than risk gaining it back. =sigh= This truly is a never-ending battle!

hey Becky ... after reading the comments about this post in another recent one, I thought I'd come and take a look at what all the hoopla is about. I am happy to know that I am not alone ... for the past year I've been a bit restrictive with my eating. I had a 20 pound gain from September '04 to July '05 (my 15th-25th months post-op). Freaked me out. Big time. I have since lost 80 pounds, but had I not gone back for my 2-year labs in July of '05 (which I was going to blow off), would I have put on eighty, ninety, or even a hundred by now? I am having eating issues, but my thing is, I still have another 50 or so to lose, and no ... I haven't lost anything in the past 4 months or so. I *know* how I should be eating, but for several reasons (physical and psychological both most likely) I can't or won't break this cycle. To prove a point, my nut had me do a metabolic rate assessment, showing what I need (calorie-wise) to maintain my current weight and to lose, but somehow this just won't soak in. It looks good on paper and in theory, but in my reality, I am afraid of losing control. OK ... enough whining. I wish you well ... I'm really glad we all can support one another. Please let us know how things are going, you are not alone. Karyn