Need Words of Encouragement

I would like to thank Delores for the invitaion here. I assumed this board was for success stories and have stayed clear of it. But I guess I can never assume anything. I guess my man factor right now is getting my act together. What is a good diet plan to follow...... I have forgotten so much. How much protein, carbs.....everything is so fuzzy. I do remember, no carbinated drinks....nothing with 5 calories or more. I drink water and crystal light. I was given a tool....but not using it so well anymore. Nothing was more frustrating today than being weighed and measured at my health club. How do you adjust at home when home is where the discouragement is? My husband is I can eat anything you were the one who had THAT surgery....In the beginning he was so encouraging then jealousy kicked in and the discouragement kicked in. How do you do it. How can you cook the way to please everyone. I used a small plate to make it look like a bunch...now I am not sure what to eat anymore. Any help will be great. Thanks Cheri

i am glad you found your way over here. The board is a little slow at times but I am sure some one will jump on here to help you. I'm sorry I am not much help. I am one of the unfortunate ones that have had to struggle to keep my weight on so my eating is all out of whack!!!!! Just hang tight. Some one will be here soon to help you.

Cheri, A good support system does help with our situation. Hubby is not supportive then you need to go outward. Are you attending support groups? They do help and it a place where we all talk about what is going on and how we can help ourselves. The tool stuff.....its fun. We all follow all different things to get us different results. I am struggling with a 4 lb gain which I am trying to kick off now. I have stressers in my life that got a hold and I do need to find a way to make them not affect my weight. I do need to start journaling food intake again. That would be first step I would recommend to you. Eat like you are doing now. Write it all down and see where the calories and protein levels are.....Do it for a few days. Then start to modifiy your eating habits. If you see you are doing more than 1400 calories and day...how can you get it to that number. Remember Rome was not built in a day. My Dr recommends I get to 1200 calories a day. So make small goals for yourself after you analyze the data from your eating out of control days.....If you are doing alot of carbs vs protein that could be a goal for you. Protein levels should be higher than anything else. We tend to forget that further out because we can eat almost anything. Exercise is also very important for us. That would be another goal you could work with. Do one goal at a time until you are comfortable with it....... Debbie

Hon, you got to do what's best for you. You did have the surgery and you have to follow the rules and take charge. I've learned over time that you can't please everyone. There's comes a point that you have to do what's best for you. This is your health and your life. Just cook your healthy meals and if he doesn't like it, that's his problem. check out bariatricbytes.com (Tooter's website) there are alot of WLS friendly recipes on there, that anyone would like.

Cheri, please know that my heart goes out to you. It is hard to feel like you have failed and to not know where to turn to for help. These comments are not meant to be harsh but to help you refocus and get back on track. 1. Answer these questions to yourself -- why did you have this surgery? Was it to get healthy? Did you get healthy? Have you stayed healthy? If not why not? You have to know where the problem started to know where to start over. If you never got to goal what stopped you? I had the surery because I wanted to be there to see my grandchild get married (which is way in the future). If I didn't have the surgery, I would have been lucky to live another couple of years. My life/my health/my decision. CLAIM IT/OWN IT. 2. Do you have a support group you can go to? Run there as fast as you can. That is the first thing you need. If you're not getting any support at home you have to make sure you are getting it from a good WLS support group. The accountability you will get there is good too. I always have it in the back of my mind that I have to watch what I'm eating cuz I'm going to support group and don't want to have to say I gained. Maybe you need Overeaters Anonymous which is a structured program. I've considered it but couldn't find one close to me. 3. Are you taking your vitamins? Do you need to make an appointment with your surgeon or nutritionist? How long since you have have labs done? If it is more than a year -- get to it. You could have medical problems and not know it. 4. If you are serious about getting your WLS life back under control -- Make up your mind to eat healthy regardless of what anyone else in the house is eating. My husband did not have the surgery ( but he needs to) I did and I do all the cooking. I am not cooking more than one meal so he can either eat what I fixed or cook something for himself or go out to eat. His choice. I'm not forcing anything on him. 5. You mentioned jealousy. Jealous because you are now thinner than you were and he is overweight and can't get it under control? Or, of you with other men because you now look good? If it's the thinner thing there is nothing you can do about that. It is his problem to decide to take care of his health. If it is the men thing -- Some spouses feed their mates because they subconsciously think that if they are fat no one else will want them. If you believe this is the case -- you and your mate need professional help. I'll be praying for you and you work through these issues. Know that you are not alone. Much of what I said above if from personal experience or from those close to me. CathyA

I hope you have found that this board is for those of us who are struggling, and some who are getting it right that help us (the struggling ones).... I have found that encouragement and support is what it is all about....I am just coming back around to using this tool, and getting my head straightened out about what I should be doing, and the support here is wonderful. So, you did go to the gym (weighed and measured), now just be diligent with the exercise and the advice on here about eating habits - protein first, etc....I like your idea about the small plate - I did that during my first year, but I am definately going to use that idea again..... Thanks for sharing - DeAnna

Cheri, first and foremost, you have not failed. Having the surgery made you a success! You cared enough to take that first scary step. Rememberit's up to you to learn to use the tool. No one can take that away from you, but you. I would suggest joining weigh****chers, they truly have a good program. Do you do all the cooking and shopping in your home? Find snacks that aren't your trigger foods, or just don't buy them. When cooking, I suggest NO instant food. Believe it or not I work full time, but every evening cook a home cooked meal. Last night it was peas and steak. For lunch I do eat an instant lunch, like lean cuisine. For breakfast I eat whatever is around weight control oatmeal or an egg and toast or a protein coffee. I snack when need be, but i eat popcorn or carrots or pork rinds. DRINK DRINK DRINK. Often i find i eat out of boredom, so i am trying to drink. Of course don't expect a miracle. It takes time and do it not for the weight loss, but for the health benefits, you truly do feel better when you eat this way. Good luck, we are here for you. Melinda

First I want to welcome you Cheri! Glad you found your way here! This board has so much to offer~advice, wisdom, support, friendship~its a great place to be! You are not a failure! You may have gotten off track, but you can find your way back. It sounds like you're already doing alot of the right things~using a small plate, drinking only water or low cal liquids, going to the health club~these are all positive things! You have already been given alot of great advice~finding a support group, talking to your surgeon, counseling if needed, tracking your calories/protein. I will tell you the plan that works for me, but we are all so different and things that work for one don't always work for another. Its such a trial and error thing, so just keep working at it until you find the balance that works for you. I am currently working on my maintenance plan. I eat between 1500-1800cal per day, but if I need to drop a few pounds then I cut back to 1300-1500per day. This may seem high compared to some, but I also try to work out at least 5x's per week~I either do the 3 or 5 mile walk away the pounds dvd and 2x's per week I do light weight training to help tone up a bit. I try to eat around 80gm of protein, but most days I get in closer to 100gm just thru the food that I eat. I can not do protein shakes/bars b/c they cause me severe constipation. I drink 100oz of water/crystal light/etc daily~I upped this from the recommended 64oz due to the constipation problems and I have seen the weightloss benefits of drinking more than 64oz. I still do not drink with my meals. I stop 30min before I eat and I try to wait 30-60min after eating before I drink again. I still find a way to fit it all in though! I try most days to stay lower carb and if eating carbs, I try to stick with the good carbs~fruits, veggies, oats, whole grains, etc. I do love my Wheat Thins though, so some days I blow it! I do write out a food journal daily~this helps me to keep on track and truly know what I'm putting in my mouth. I have emotional eating issues and if I allow my emotions to take over, I can find myself putting things in my mouth and not even realizing it, so writting it all down helps. I also weight myself once a day, in the morning. This allows me to know exactly where I am every day. I write this on my calendar and track it from month to month so I know the week of my period I might be up 3lbs, but not to worry b/c as soon as I'm done, those 3lbs will be gone. This just helps with my piece of mind! I generally do not eat what my family eats. I know this can be difficult for some, but I make their food and mine and then we can still sit down together to eat. That's not to say that I make "bad food " for my family, but most of it just doesn't appeal to me anymore. I usually do 3 meals and 3 snacks per day~this helps to keep my blood sugars stable and I find that I don't get that hungry feeling! Here's a sample day: B~NSA CIB (I do this b/c I'm not really a breakfast eater but Tooter has convinced me that getting something with calories in for the morning is very important~of course she's right!) S~1C cottage cheese L~Salad w/shaved deli turkey, cheese, croutons, ranch S~banana w/pb or strawberries w/cool whip D~this is the most difficult meal b/c I never know what to eat. I like chili, chicken breast w/veggies, buffalo chicken dip w/a few tortilla chips. S~Fiber One cereal w/skim milk. (I eat this b/c my colon/rectal surgeon recommended for me to eat this daily due to the constipation issues. My fiber intake was sooooo low and eating this really ups it for the day and helps me so much!) Other foods that I enjoy on a regular basis are lower sugar yogurt, cheese stix, refried beans w/cheese, oatmeal, sugar free pudding......that's all I can think of right now, LOL. Like I said, everyone is different and this is what works for me. I hope this is helpful to you in some way. Good Luck and please keep us posted on how things are going! You can do this and if you need support, we're here for you! Tracy B 328/150 5'9"