Seeking Reinforcement

Hello, I am about 20 months out and doing well but freaking out! I lost about 165 pounds and then, in the last two months, five of those came creeping back! I am eating about 1500 calories a day and I am hungry!!! For dinner tonight, I ate an entire egg salad sandwich. What happened to the days when a packet of tuna filled me up? and I want CARBS and CANDY! Because I am in school full time, working full time and have a very sick daughter, I have lapsed on group meetings and such since last February. Part of the problem with the group was that, the one that my ins covered, was mostly pre-ops and newbie post-ops. I also know the stress from this stuff is not helping my appetite. My daughter is 19 and has some major health issues with her lungs. I am worried sick but I can't let her know. I am a single mom with not much in the way of support (read "no family and just work friends") so I am trying to be strong for her. Also my oldest daughter is graduating from college and is expecting way more for her graduation than I planned. ANd my job is not fun right now due to a dept shake-up (breathe, breathe, breathe!) I know "normal" is elusive but I can't find much that talks about what to expect in terms of appetite and what I can/should eat two years out. I had two York peppermint patties today (the small ones) and the guilt over eating them equaled the pleasure in flavor! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH! Anyone out there care to share some 'real world' experience? Do I worry about the five pounds? I know that you can drop a lot and then gain some back - is that this? THe scale has been steady at 171 for almost two months. How do I cope with the carb and candy cravings? It is not good when you can eat a piece of candy and find out you are one of those who doesn't have "dumping" syndrome (what a name!). I graduate next spring so then I will be able to focus on exercising more but ... in the meantime ... the magic has worn off and I am left with a smaller version of myself! I came to the site to order some protien drink mix (nectar) and figured I'd check in with someone -- even if I didn't know who that someone was! feeling a bit panicked here .. .can ya tell?? thanks karenm

Karenm, I feel for you. I am almost 3 years out and have gained 18 lb. I eat those 100 cal snacks and the 60 cal choc sticks to satisfy my sweet craving. I have come to terms with my weight gain. I can still fit into my newer clothes so at long as I don't go up a size or two. I will be fine. If you want to get back to losing weight stick to the basic and take your probems out on working out. I have found that when I work out I get a zen feeling. My husband just had surgery 4 weeks ago and he had a hard time so I was eating sandwiches and tv dinners. All you can do is take care of yourself your children need you. Since you can't afford to thow your elder daughter the big blow out she is expecting maybe you can ask her to tone down her expectation if though you would love to you can't afford right now. unless you can save up the money? Natalie

Karen~ I just hit 19 months out on pumpkin day. It's been an amazing journey! The great thing is that our pouches are healing and we're getting back to a more "normal" life. It sounds as though you may benefit from attending some of those meetings where there are new post-ops. This journey and tool require our daily focus, and sometimes we have to return to the basics to keep us on track. Because I'm realistic, I allow myself a five-pound loss/gain. This guideline keeps me mindful of what I'm putting in my mouth. When training for a run, if I'm not consuming enough calories, I can lose 10 pounds in one month. Now that I'm at a normal weight, losing 10 pounds would make me underweight. Rather than panic, take an inventory of what you're eating. Be gentle with yourself. Journaling will help with the stressors in your life right now. My behaviorist supports moderation when it comes to food choices. I guess you have to ask yourself why you feel guilty about having candy today. What helps me is to not eat anything where sugar is in the first three ingrediants. Even then, I don't eat items with sugar in them until I've eaten my protein. And, I only eat one serving. Ginger snaps are a good example. While five cookies is a serving, I only eat two of them. The cookies are about the size of a silver dollar. It's not something I eat often though; it's probably been more than two months since I had even one of them. If I find myself wanting more than a serving of something that isn't protein based, I choose not to eat it so I won't slip back into old patterns of mindless eating. I hope something I said helps. Savanah