Feeling almost worthless

Dear Bruce, I am impressed that you are reaching out to the WL community which does not demonstrate a weakness but a strength! It takes a lot of courage to admit this and reach out to others. I hope that you will confide in your medical healthcare providers. Really, noone needs to know that you even did that but nevertheless is it nothing of which to be ashamed. Sometimes in life being strong is admitting our weakness. Your medical records are confidential and cannot be released to anyone without your approval. It is your medical record and no one else's. Your privacy is protected. If you feel you need assistance, please seek it while being confident that this is between you and your doctor alone and noone else (unless you give permission). I wish you all the best, Vanessa

Bruce, In a few months time (a few years ago) I encountered the following; had a baby, got married, inherited a step-son and a HORRIBLE ex-wife (from my husband), a meddling family, a new house (my new house that he moved into with his child), my new husband quit his job, I was working full-time supporting everything on my own, my husband began drinking like a fish, my step son got diagnosed with add/adhd and tried to kill our new infant son, and I was MISERABLE. I NEVER expected everything to happen the way it did. I went to see my doctor for a follow-up appt once, and just broke down in her office. It felt good to let it all out. I am not a pill popper, but she realllllllly wanted me to try an anti-depressant to allow me some peaceful mental time to work through all the issues that were coming at me. I decided that I was worth the "try." The first one she put me on made me feel DRUNK-COMPLETEY out of control. I told the doctor on day 3 that I didn't feel I could even DRIVE with the pills, let alone be responsible for the children. She switched me to a different one and I felt like it had NO EFFECT...but by day 3, I realized how much more mellow I was. I wasn't crying anymore, I didn't feel drugged at all, I felt like ME, just without so much worry and without letting everything weigh on my mind constantly. I was on those pills for 1 year. I got seperated, that took care of SOOOO many issues...the drunk husband was gone, along with all the issues of his parents, his add/adhd son, his ex wife...and I felt GREAT. I stopped the pills cold turkey as I felt they were not doing anything anymore. I CRASHED and BURNED on day 3 without them. (I had felt funnnny on day 2, but didn't take any anyway.) I called my doc, told her I had stopped the pills needed help! She actually waited at her office to give me some samples to hold me over for the refill in the morning from the pharmacy. I felt MUCH better again in no time. She weened me off the meds as they were controling things going on within my brain...many of those pills can't be stopped cold turkey. I happen to be VERY sensitive to drugs, so even though I was only on the LOWEST dose, I had to be weened to 1/2 pill a day for 2 weeks, then 1/2 pill every day and 1/2 for 1 week and then 1/2 pill everyother day for the last week...and I had NO iLL effeects for coming off of them. I've never needed them since, but I would NEVER hesitate to go back on them if I needed them. Don't be embarrassed. There are MANY professionals that take them everyday. You are worth it. Laurie

Ah Bruce ... I think sometimes we think that this surgery is magic ... unfortunately, we gain issues we'd probably never thought of ... sometimes we were able to "hide" behind being overweight, and we had an excuse for things. But now, we're left without cover. We have to deal with things in whatever way(s) we can. I know its difficult (especially for the male ego ), but I really think you should talk to your doc about something for depression. I was prescribed Wellbutrin at the end of last year. The doc gave me a couple samples, and I would walk past them as they sat on my kitchen counter for *months* ... and I'd yell at them, "I can do this without you, I can do this without you!" ... Well, I finally gave in. Although they have helped me to a certain point, I do believe it may take a bit of tweaking to get dosages/medications right for each individual, so hopefully we'll get there. I also know what you mean by still feeling fat. I do too. I have a recurring dream that I'm stabbed in the stomach and as the paramedics are going to put me into the ambulance, I'm telling them, "you're not going to be able to lift me ... you won't be able to get me in there, I weigh 350 pounds" ... funny thing is, I think I told paramedics that about a month ago when I actually did need an ambulance ride! I don't see that I've lost, and am indeed still overweight (and no, I have not reached my goal, not that I really had one "set", but I know I'm not there yet). Please hang in there ... I've been seeing my therapist for about exactly a year now, and just this past week did we seem to have some kind of breakthrough. Please please please go see someone ... don't be afraid or ashamed, I know what its like to be at the end of your rope and barely hanging on. I'm there too ... but hopefully, with outstretched hands from others reaching out (yeah, I've always had problems asking for help ... still do), I will find my way out. Everyone here is reaching to you too, so grab a hand and we'll all help you out. Please feel free to email me if you'd like to talk privately. Also, have you tried the men's board? They might be able to help you from a male perspective. Take care, Karyn