Identy Crisis

Melanie, Bridgett, and Betsy Wow what powerful posts I'm still trying to wipe the tears from my eyes as I write . I can definitely say you girls are not alone I to feel the same way. It has been more than 3 years since my surgery and I'm still mourning the fat me I miss her and I feel so guilty for being thin. When is this mental battle ever going to stop? I have tried to explain this to my family and sometimes I get the feeling that they think I'm going crazy they just can't understand. Thank you ladies for writing about this topic and to know that I'm not alone either. ~*Laurie 255/130

I am only 8 months post op but at goal. I can understand your feelings. This may not be helpful advice but my way of coping with this currently is to resolve to the fact that people that knew me post op will always identify me by my weight (or weight loss) first. Yes its a stereotype and yes it is very limiting. I have never wanted to be defined by my weight- but its my reality. I wish people could see beyond it or even just talk about the weather - anything but my weight and its loss. I think that is why many people change jobs- as their co-workers didn't know them as a pre-op- didn't form stereotypes and limiting prejudices. Of course we can't really resign from our family and close friends and get brand new ones- can we? I am realizing I may have to play "tough love" with those important people in my life by saying at some point-- I do not want to talk about the weight or size issues any longer---lets MOVE ON. Of course in a weight/size obsessed society- this will be a tough task to say the least. I do not feel a personal identity crisis...yet...but I feel your pain. I suppose currently I am more disgusted with the old stereotypes my obesity caused- and I figured years ago I got thru the prejudice and stereotype issues when I accepted my obese self. I have to keep telling myself i cannot change the past- I must move on. Accept it as a learning experience- and I am still on that journey of self discovery. At this point for me- when people comment about my weight loss etc I politely answer their questions as i am still quite passionate about my success. I am getting a slow feeling though this is "getting old" and i notice some people's reaction to my answers as if its TMI for them---either that or they genuinely do not care about my answers or experiences. It's hard to say. One thing i do say almost 100% of the time when people focus on my success and weight loss is my hope to remain at goal weight range in 5-10 years--ie the surgery and my willpower and discipline having stood the test of time. As far as the person in the mirror- I am wondering if this dysmorphic disorder i have will ever cease. I still see a fat person, can't believe my BMI is now just overweight, and can't believe every size 12 pants I tried on this past week fit me well. I think to myself- if i can fit into a small or medium top or blouse- where in the world do the "truly small or medium sized women" shop? The junior's section? Thanks for sharing your journey and feelings. I am glad to have the support of this forum and its members. Karen

Hi Melanie, I just read your post. I am getting ready for my PS in 4 weeks. I am not fearing that I am having a part of me thrown away, rather getting that much closer to the old me. I use to see myself inside a fat suit and I am happy to be out of it. It is very scary trying to refind ourselves following the surgery. I mourn other things....like when I mailed off the boxes of old clothes...it really made me sad. Those were my daily identifiers. I use to LIVE in those clothes. I had emption tied into those clothes...all the years of "fat feeling days", "skinney feeling days", "going to make changes and start loosing weight today" days...and I was no longer going to have them to look at and reflect on. Sounds silly, huh? I am lost shopping for clothes. I am MUCH thinner now, and have gotten into trouble twice for excessive weight loss thus far. I am not sure who I am right now, but I know I am not the obese person I was. I am getting better every week with who I am now...I am finding that young girl that use to be stuck in that fat suit-when I was obese and looked into my own eyes in a mirror. I am happily getting to know her again...she's just a little scared being out here without that fat suit to hide behind anymore. Laurie