Can You Identify ...?

This is what I posted to my profile last night ... Every time I think I'm alone in what I encounter during my journey, I find there are others who are experiencing the same thing. I apologize if any of this post seems over-indulgent; it certainly is NOT my intent. BTW ... I used to deprive myself of cake at parties pre-op and then obsess about it lately ... Even so far as to having to replicate it or buy cake to eat at home and then overindulge. I promised myself that once I got to goal, I would never do this again. And you know what? It DOES make a difference. I had my cake to celebrate my mom's birthday and it's said and done. Nothing to obsess over because I didn't deprive myself. Weird, huh? Here's my profile entry for yesterday: **************************** 8/30/06 ... The ridiculousness of it all ... every little bit of it. This journey is almost laughable at times. Being terrified that the weight loss is again temporary like it was pre-surgery, I keep looking for reasons why the weight is going to pile on. - Getting on the scale and seeing a 4 lb water weight gain didn't help. Then I broke one of my biggest rules: I weighed everyday for six days only to see the weight shift 4 pounds back and forth. One water pill and sure enough, I was at 128. - Then - because I can be really hungry some days - I'm sure I'm eating too much and am headed for certain regain. Then I take a reasonable, more objective look at my food. Remember, I'm on maintenance and I had the DS, which allows me some extravagances like butter (I will forever malabsorb 80% of my fat intake) and sugar (no dumping). Most definitely do not consider these to be "diet foods." But today was my mom's birthday at the nursing home and the last time I had cake with real sugar in it was at my daughter's wedding on 6/21. But this is everything I ate today: 8a: MermaidOne ****d Coffee with a 1-1/2 scoops of protein powder) and wholegrain toast w/tbl PB 10a: Payday Pro (was halfway thru it when I realized how much sugar it contained. Tastes really good and has 15 grams of protein but I won't be making the purchase again.) 1p: 2 cheese sticks & iced coffee w/half-half 3p: 1/2 slice cake 5:30p: small cheeseburger and onions (no bun, of course) 7:30p: sweet potato and butter 9:30p: NSA ice cream Do you notice what I finally noticed? (Yes, I did have enough protein. I usually get at least 100 grams daily.) Rearrange everything I ate today - as massive as it may appear - and it is about two meals worth of food to a normie. So you know what? I think I'm going to be okay. And if that 4 lb water weight spreads to 6 ... Then I adjust accordingly until I'm back down again. It's not really rocket science. I'm really excited to be driving again. I actually drove on two highways to go to see my mother. Going to visit her is a big reason why I've made myself get behind the wheel again after three years of being too weak and stressed and nervous to drive. Everyone thought I was done after my extended hiatus. But remember, can't keep a good Mermaid down ... even a size 2 Mermaid! Just remember ... There will be times when this journey is very lonely. Either because we hold ourselves to a higher standard or believe others do. Sometimes the weight (there's that word again!) of that pressure will drive us into a shell. At that juncture there can be a crossroad when we decide whether to bust loose or buckle. Buckling is easy ... Like giving up on those diets in the past ... Like going WITH the crowd instead of LEADING it. Don't EVER be afraid to be the person you CAN be ... The old you didn't work for you, that's why you made this radical change ... Why in God's name would you want to bring him/her back?? When people get in your way, invite them to walk by your side or tell them to move, because there's only one way to go and it's forward. **************************** One other thing ... I am so definitely off of soy, though. No matter how much I've tried to avoid it, most low-carb products have either soy flour or soy protein in it and for me, it's debilitating due to my thyroid disease. It inhibits my weight maintenance and my energy levels. As soon as I completely detox off of it, I can physically feel the energy surge. This is something for many of us to be aware of. As always, YMMV ... but this is so the case for me. Soybean oil and soy lecithin don't seem to affect me negatively; I guess because they are fat-based and we just don't absorb enough of it to screw me up. This is a very good thing, especially since vegetable oil IS soybean oil and soy lecithin is a stabilizer in nearly everything! Okay ... I've said enough ...

Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever be truly "normal" when it comes to eating. I don't think so. I think that we will forever be obsessing with what we eat because we have that fear of blowing up to our pre-op weight. At least I do. I swore to myself that if I ever had the chance to become thin, that I wasn't going to blow it. I hope I never lose that fear. I do weigh myself every day because that's what works for me, it keeps me accountable. I know that my weight will fluctuate but it also keeps me motivated because I fear the number. I am really getting close to goal and I'm trying hard to eat right at least most of the time. But I will indulge occasionally. I think that's healthy. We can't deprive ourselves all the time. This whole process is to learn how to eat foods in moderation. That's not to say that there are times when I feel like an eating machine but there are also days when I'm just not very hungry and I only eat because I know I have to. So, hopefully it balances out. I'm also trying to make sure that I get plenty of exercise in. There are times I really enjoy it now (who'd a thunk!) and other times it's a drag but I try to do it anyway. I do like the energy I have, I'm liking the way I look...saggy skin and all. I don't plan on having plastic surgery because my saggy skin isn't too bad and I can hide it fairly well with clothes. I am so thankful for this opportunity that was given me. I had a great surgeon, no complications, I feel so good. 15 months ago, I thought this much weight lost would have been too good to be true, but it happened and I can't express adequately how much this has meant to me. I'm so lucky that I had a great support team all around me....my husband, my local support group, OH, my friends and family. They've all stuck by me with plenty of encouragement thru all my mood swings. Guess I'm getting maudlin now, so I'll sign off. Linda

I'm pretty much anal when it comes to "dieting," so I rarely "cheated." Even when jogging plateaus -- and with the DS often you need to eat MORE for a while (usually fatty foods, too) and then revert back to a more normalized structure -- everything was calculated. We will probably never be what we THOUGHT was normal. Normal kind of has a new definition when it comes to WLSers, I think. In any case, you're doing well and are lucky to have so much support around you. I honestly don't know where I would be without my posse!

Oh Yes! I can relate to so many things that you said! As a post op I do not deprive myself of things~even if I take a bite or 2 of bday cake, those 2 bites are now so much more enjoyable than the entire cake was to me pre op. I'm a daily weigher, but I understand that the scale will fluctuate on its own even when I haven't been "bad"~its just the nature of our bodies, especially for women! I don't stress, I just try to focus on what's important and then things level back out. Maintenance was a bit scary at first b/c lets face it, I've never been good at it or I wouldn't have ended up at 328lbs, but I am trying to embrace this maintenance phase and convince myself that I CAN DO IT! Things are different now, I have all of the power! I agree that this journey can be lonely~that's a HUGE reason why I come to OH~b/c you all understand what I'm going thru and you accept me just as I am. I have felt the pressure from outside sources lately and I won't let them defeat me~I'm happy with this new me and I'm proud of what I have accomplished! And, like you said, they can either walk by my side or move out of my way b/c I am moving forward with them or without them! I also agree that this journey can be laughable, but its good to laugh alot! Hope you enjoy your day and Congratulations to you on all of your success! Tracy B

Hey T ... I KNEW you would identify It's a slippery slope this weight thing and I've pretty much had it on the regain. But you know what? I ALWAYS said that in the past but still regained it all and more. What I need now is to get thru my head that eating well and frequently is key. I have to let my surgery do its part. Most white carbs are not that appealing to me anymore and I do try to avoid very sugary things (thank God for SF stuff -- maltitol and all). A portion is usually satisfying enough but for stuff I know is my trigger ... a taste is all it takes to be in scary territory. I just can't let myself go there.

Hey Melissa, what's the deal with soy and thyroid??? I'm hypo. Should I not be eating any soy protein??? Please let me know as I have been and have been feeling tired, lethargic, and generally icky.

Type ... soy+thyroid ... into the Google search line and see for yourself. I have found soy simply doesn't work for me. Actually I get angry when I see how the health and fitness community tout soy as the end-all and be-all for health. One size NEVER fits all!