How could you let yourself get that big?

I was a guest at a Women's Wellness Retreat this weekend. My friend told everyone I'd lost 200 lbs. I could see that one of the women was struggling with a question, so I told her to just say it. She said how could you let yourself get that big? I said I've often wondered the same thing. I started gaining weight as a child and never stopped. I have always been a food addict. I suspect I know what started it -- eating for comfort and to block out emotional pain -- but who knows. Other women at the table said they did the same thing -- ate for all occasions -- happy or sad. It numbs us to whatever is bothering us. I guess the same question could be applied to alcoholics, drug addicts, cigarette smokers, etc. How do you let yourself become addicted to something so harmful to yourself? I used to drink but I quit. For me not having it at all is doable. Where I struggle is having a little but not a lot. If I could just stop eating, it would be doable. Every day is a struggle with food. Deb

Hi Deb! I can relate. Although I've never had anyone come right out and ask me that question, I've asked myself that question before. How could I have let myself get that big? I guess I'm alot like you in the fact that I'm an emotional eater~I say "I AM" b/c I still struggle with it today, but I'm working on it. Every day is a struggle with food~we have to eat to survive so it can't be given up like alcohol or cigs~it will always be in our lives no matter what~its how we deal with it now that matters. Good Luck to You! Tracy B 328/150 5'9"

I remember when I told my mom about Rich's WLS. She had met Rich and knew he was a big guy but she was shocked when I said he weighed in at 450. She asked "I hate to ask but how does one get to 450 lbs". I reminder her that I weighed 270+ lbs msyelf and I a short trip from 300 myself and Rich is 10 inches taller. I said... "I've gained 30-40 lbs during my first marriage" and all it takes is going down the scale and back up adds a few more pounds and then a few more and a few more and the next thing you know you are 30-40 lbs heavier and so on. I mean Rich didn't eat a pound of bacon and a dozen eggs at breakfast to support 450 lbs. Sure he overate but not what some might think. A big appetite but far from gluttoneous. My mother ate like a bird but was into the 200s. She was one of the few people I've ever met who would eat a sandwich with 4-5 potato chips on the side and put the bag away. Or just two small cookies as a snack and put the pack away. I think crappy genetic makeup (thyroid, diabetes, insulin resistance) contributed to her own weight issues. I got the same crappy genes - I gained 7 lbs from 1 Power Crunch bar each day in a 2 week period. My body didn't like the carbs (white flour or traces of sugar) in it, I guess. I suspect she had the issues. Kathy

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for not labeling this woman as Ignorant, and acknowledging her honest question in honest interspection. Many of us still can't explain how we let ourselves get THAT big, I certainly can't. If many of us can't understand or explain, why would other be ignorant for not knowing. Tek

No, they are definitely not ignorant. Uninformed? Maybe. I really think it's just that people who don't have a weight problem don't understand how others do. Just like I don't understand how people get addicted to drugs and cigarettes. Does that make me ignorant -- I don't think so. It's just something about which I have no experience. The problem lies with me -- and anyone else who is overweight. It's too easy to blame other people, metabolism, other medical problems, etc. Ultimately it really comes down to each of us and how we deal with other influencing factors (people, metabolism, other medical problems, etc). JMHO Deb

I have also been asked that question. My answer is 1 pound at a time. we are all vulnerable. sometimes people are ignorant, and I dont mean that in a demeaning way, only in the sense that they are not educated on the topic. there are many thing I am ignorant about. I generally like to use those awkward questions to educate.

I got big because of all the male attention I had when I was a teenager...Didn't like it and my Grandmother remembers me saying I want to get as big as a friend of mine who at the time was around 400lbs. I manage to make that goal plus. I knew that no guy bothered her at that weight. I guess some of us can handle the attention while I just couldn't. I got the overcoat and stayed there.....my husband didn't care about overcoat he loved me for me. That was the best eye opener for me...there were men out there *****ally didn't care if I had a cute figure....Now I am trying to get back to cute figure and I am fearful that all those insecurities I had when I was younger will come back again. I hope that being married will help me with it. Wedding bands are great protectors from passes right? I hope so! I don't want to ever have to go back to using food to protect me from the uncomfortable feelings I had before. I have to say Food was the GREATEST Protector I ever had. Was always there to numb me and allow the feelings to go away. I do understand that every day is a struggle. But I hope that I can overcome them. When I can't I will bring them here and have my friends help me with them! Debbie

I went thru the smae stuff as a teenage. I didnt deliberately and consciously make myself fat, but I knw it is one of the subconsciouis reaasons behind my eating disorder. nothing like an extra hundred pounds to make a woman invisible. wedding bands unfortunately do not protect from passes, only make the challenge more interesting for some jerks out there. Even people who have met my DH and should know better. What you do have going for you now is life experience. and hopefully the ability to tell the a$$e$$ to go F- themselves. that is a skill I am working to improve.

Yes you are right...life experience is with us now! Its funny it took a conversation with Gram to realize this was one of my many problems with food. I will also have to work on the ability to tell the jerks off... Debbie

A recovering alcoholic (in AA) once asked me the same question. I asked him: "If they told you that you could drink 3-5x a day -- a very limited amount -- and then stop ... Could you do it?" He turned pale at the thought. I remember at an OA meeting they called it "taking the lion out of the cage and walking it 3x a day." I still believe that for some of us it was just impossible to eat reasonably without having the surgery. I controlled my food so much pre-op that I was ALWAYS hungry and not losing weight. That's when I knew my metabolism had given out and this was my last resort. Everyday when I eat my 5-6 small meals a day and feel satisfied and have to adjust my food to not lose anymore, I have my proof that I was right. I tried so hard to control my weight by NOT eating that I screwed up the way a body normally functions. So it's not always about "pushing yourself away from the table" ... yknow?