Frustrated!

Hi guys! I usually just lurk on this board and gain wisdom from all of you WLS grads but tonight my heart is very heavy and I just need to share with people who can understand. I don't feel that I can always share my weight loss struggles with those who haven't experience the same thing. No matter how supportive people try to be, unless they have walked in your shoes they don't always "get it". I have posted a couple of times about some regain. And I know I need to get my butt in gear but it is just so hard! I have contemplated joining WW, I go back to the message boards and read all of the struggles of those people who are just trying to get approved and realize how lucky I was to have this great opportunity but I just don't know why I am blowing it. I have regained about 16 pounds and I now weigh about 155. I look at 155 and realize that 2 1/2 years ago I would have thought that 155 pounds would be a success. Don't get me wrong I would be perfectly content at that weight IF I was in control of my eating but I have gotten to that weight by making poor choices and not getting off my butt to exercise. I guess I am just scared that I am in the same boat I was in before surgery...not exactly but to the extent that food is controlling me again. I will honestly say that my eating right now is not that emotionally driven as it is carb-driven. I am embarrassed and ashamed that I have this wonderful tool but continue to make poor choices. I was a good post-op patient until right at about 2 years and that's when I started pushing the envelope again . My goal for tomorrow it to start checking in the with accountability group on here no matter what! I hope to get more involved with this wonderful group. Thanks for listening. Mary

Hi Mary: Just want you to know that I really understand everything you've said. It is hard to get back in gear, and for me anyway carbs are very addictive in that the more I have the more I want and so on and so on. I think I forgot that about myself after surgery because I just wasn't eating the carbs. I also can relate to regaining the weight -- I'm up about 30 lbs., from my lowest of 170. I'm tettering on the 200 lb. mark -- but I know in my heart that that can just as well be the 300 lb. mark again. One of the earlier posts was talking about "how did you get that heavy" and in the past few weeks I've realized that I CAN be that heavy again if I'm not very careful. I don't know if it's food addictions or the way my body matabolizes food or exactly why I can get so heavy eating what most other people seem to eat, but I do, and I just have to accept that fact and stop eating like most other people seem to eat. Well, just wanted you to know that you're not alone. Good luck with your new beginning and hope to see you here often. Hugs, Kathi

Thank you so much Kathi! It's just nice to have people understand. It was so interesting because I was getting my nails done and there was a lady who had had RNY 4 months ago. I wish I could have her enthusiasm back but she was making the statement that she would never gain another pound. For her sake, I hope she doesn't but what I think we've all seen that it's way too easy to gain a few pounds. I have stocked up on protein and good food so hopefully tomorrow will be a good day. My big hurdle is about 2pm. That's when the carb/sugar monster starts nagging me. Anyone have any suggestions to curb this? Again, thanks for the support. Mary

Mary, I can so relate. That is my reason for lurking on this board tonight. I am having the same feelings about gaining. My lowest was 135 (which was at about the 2 yr mark and I wasn't there for very long... maybe a wk) but now I am right at 145-149 and I do not like it at all. I had rny in 9/03 my highest weight of 260, so I should be very pleased but I also know that I am starting on that food spiral of letting food control me... esp carbs at night. I have tried fitday.com but am sporatic about it and also being able to make time to exercise. It is hard w/ 3 children, school, work, homework and a husband (who also had rny 11/03) that works shiftwork. I don't know if I am just looking for excuses, but I know it is easier to lose 5 lbs rather than 100 lbs, so I try to look on the messageboards for encouragement from others so I don't continue the downward spiral. I know what you mean about not being able to talk to anyone unless they have gone through it. I think people are waiting for us to fail-which should make me more determined not to, but it is hard. I have said before that surgery fixes your stomach but not your head. That is the great thing about the wls grads board.. is that everyone here is an encouragement. I pray that all of our goals for tomorrow would be to wake up and be grateful for the opportunity that we had and make a difference in one day at a time. I'm here for you if you want to chat. May God bless you and everyone else on the boards! Georgina

Hi Mary, Sorry I dont have a profile or anything for you to look at yet. I come to this site every day looking for encouragement and always walk away still doing the same dumb things and feeling the same damned way. Like a true failure. I havent been to the doctors in over a year because of this. I was his very first bariatric patient as well as the hospitals first in 2004. The girl that had the surgery the same day I did, looks great! She lost a lot of weight and has kept it off. I see her often as she owns a restaruant that my husband and I go to often. I am the first person to say that although this has been a great tool for me, I never got my head fixed. If you dont fix your head, you can't get well. I've been on anti depressants since I was fifteen so it's not that I'm fighting that. I have never dumped and can eat anything I want. I wish I could stick my fingers down my throat everythime I put something into my mouth. I am seriously thinking of just stop eating all together to get myself started again. Thats kind of how I started anyway. I wasnt allowed anything (including water) for the first three days after surgery. Maybe if I did that, I could start all over again. When I do eat, I sneak my food. I eat it so fast and furiously that it scares me at times. I can be in a good mood, or a bad mood. I've asked myself over and over again why I do this and still have no answer. I use to see a shrink but we never actually discussed my eating habits. Which was why I went there to begin with. I went form 300 pounds down to 170 and am back up to 204. My goal was to get below 199 and I felt great when I did and even better when it continued going down but now, look what I've done. I bought all new clothes and can't even get into them anymore and gave away all my fat clothes. I just dont have the money to buy new ones again either. I guess you could say, I'm ashamed of myself for not having the will power to just tell myself NO! I'm sorry I tunred this into a why me session. I guess I needed to get it out. Thanks. If you should find the mystery answer of getting started over again, please share it with me. Cheryl

Hi Mary and everyone I can so relate. I have the bounce back of about 12 lbs also from my lowest and I HATE IT . we are at the same weight approx and I too want to get back to where I was . Has anyone here ever tried LA WEIGHT LOSS. A girl I work with lost 30 lbs in 3 months and is still going. SHe is really small now but doesnt want to gain back and she is the type who wont share the LA info with you. Thier theory she says is you have to eat certain foods together. HAs anyone done it ? The afternoons are hard and and I eat low fat Mozzerella string cheese sticks at 70 calories each . I also have stopped drinking with meals and snacks and that really does help keep you full longer ... Thanks for any info anyone might have on LA Weight loss Hugs Shirley

I gal in our office has done it and yes she lost weight and is now putting it back on. I almost went on that before this surgery and my husband asked me "what makes this diet so different that it will work when all the other's have failed?" I couldn't answer him. He was right...just another diet that I would have failed at. You have to work on your head. This surgery and this process is NOT A DIET! It's a life style change and you have to keep telling yourself this. We all know, deep down, what constitutes a healthy diet...lean protein, complex carbs, fruit. We have to exercise portion control. And, we must exercise. Not just until we lose the excess weight but forever! You don't need to go on another "diet", you just need to go back to basics, work on your attitude about food, exercise. You can do it without resorting to another fad diet. Face it, if any of these programs really worked, how come there are so many still struggling with their weight. Eating healthy, drinking water, exercise and, most important, changing your attitude towards food are the keys. HTH Linda

Mary - boy do I feel like I am walking in your shoes!! On the TX Board we do "Whats on the Menu" and it really has helped me. It makes me accountable for what I eat and also gives me some different choices because honestly I am so bored with food right now. The Carb monster is a hard beast to defeat! I fight him (has to be a guy since he is so stubborn! LOL!) everyday!! Some times I win, some times he does. I am trying to maintain my weight and I did not realize how hard it would be. I am almost always consumed with my weight or what to eat or what I did eat and then there is the exercise.... it is sometimes hard to think of anything else. You taken the right step by talking about it - everyone on OH is great and the support and motivation from everyone will keep the carb monster from winning! Don't be embarrassed or ashamed - you have done an amazing job and will continue to do so!! I know it!!! Valerie

I too am fighting the regain. I lost 220 lbs, but recently gained 12 lbs while on a 2 week vacation. Even though I stayed around 1,000 calories a day and exercised daily it took me over 3 months to lose the weight I regained in 2 weeks. Now that I'm back at my low weight I still struggle daily. I can eat half a biscuit only to find the scale up 3 lbs the next day. This is insane. Sometimes I want to give up the battle, but I know that's how I became super morbidly obese so that is not an option. I NEVER want to go back there. I envy those who say they eat what they want and don't regain, but I'll never be one of that group. Obviously some of us are unfortunate in that our body is energy efficient. We could be stranded on a desert island and gain weight on coconuts. Best of luck to you.

This battle will never end, we have the genes of survival which hold onto everything we put into our mouths. All i can say is that i have joined WW online and am finding it a useful tool. Goodluck, Melinda 326/148/130