attitudes towards obesity

There has been some discussion lately about attiudes towards obese people, and it really hit me in the heart. I always feel like I still have the super morbid obese person inside of me struggling to get back out., and I fight the battle every day. So far, I am winning most days but there are the days I lose control. I only pray I have the strength to go the whole way for the rest of my life so I can keep my good health. For me HEALTH is my focus. being well nourished, strong and physically fit. Able to do all the things I have learned over the last couple of years that I love. I never knew because I never had the opportunity to know how great it feels to exercise as a small person. as a super morbid obese person, it mostly was just painful and torture. I am sure many people looked at me and judged me as lazy, stupid and unmotivated. They did not know what was in my heart. They did not understand the daily struggle involved. Even now there is a struggle to not go back to old ways. Most of my new habits are now just that, daily habits. take a shower, brush teeth, take vitamins. eat this at this time and exercise . There are the days I really want to lay on the couch and eat cookies tho. It is good to look nicer, and I enjoy that. I have gone from 260 to currently 135. I have had extensive plastics and may have another procedure in a year ot so. I am maintaining well. my 4th anniversary is 9/25, which is also my real birthday. I guess I am feeling introspective right now. Here is what is bugging me. So many people comment on how nice I look, which is nice in itself. It is often followed by the comment that "your husband must be all over you NOW." I get that it is INTENDED as a compliment, but do they not hear the implied message that before, as an obese woman I was not as deserving of my husband's love and passion as I am thin? The truth is, he treats me exactly the same as he did before. and that is what I say. for the most part people kind of raise their eyebrows, only once some one hugged me and said I am truely lucky and she was so happy for me. what about the inner person. Isn't the fact that I am loving, smart, hardworking, creative etc, enough? what do you guys think? Have you experienced this at all. Am I crazy? (well of course I am, but you know what I mean - LOL)

I am pre-op and have had some of the replys reguarding my husband and I just don't get it either. So then I wonder if I was to stay obese would they just have sympathy for him or wonder why he is with me. I talk to him about this and his reply was that he loved me and he knows I have issues with my weight but he does not and sometimes in life we just have to ignore people. I just being a smarty pants I have always wanted to say back but yet your wife loves you and you are uglier than sin. I know this would lower me to thier level but for the moment I would feel better. I do have people tell me all the time that Jason (husband) is going to be so jealous when I am thinner. Is it soo bad to not be thin? The reason I am having surgery is because I need to be healthier not to be thin, because that is just what I am on the outside. On the inside I am a good person and enjoy my life as it is, although I would love to have more energy to keep up with everyone. Tanya Taylor

I always tell everyone that I am one-bite from being 415lbs again and that I must be obsessive with my food and excercise. The other thing that I tell others is that I will always be an obese person despite what the scale says. Each day I must fight the inner battle not to revert to my old ways. When people say to me "you look so beautiful now" (those that do not tell me that I am too thin), I respond by saying "Was I ugly before?" Stops them dead in their tracks....open wide insert foot. Those that have not walked the walk do not understand our struggles. Mary M. 415/159

You have to love that "too thin" thing too. My brother-in-law recently told me that I look anorexic and what I did to myself is "unnatural & unhealthy!" I just looked at him and said GEE...THANKS! I too have gotten the old your husband must be thrilled statement too. I usually respond with "he's happy as long as I'm happy" and leave it at that. People just don't get it! Cindy 250/128

Willow, I have commented before that your husband sounds alot like mine. He loved me at 328lbs and he loves me now~he loves me for me. He never said a word about my weight and still rarely does, unless he feels I am looking too thin and taking things a bit too far. I have had many people say the same thing to me~"your husband must be all over you NOW."~I have always felt uncomfortable with that comment, but really never know how to react to it. I think sometimes he does get a little jealous if he sees another man looking at me, but that is to be expected I guess~I get a little jealous if I see another woman checking him out too~but it also makes me feel good b/c I know I have a handsome husband who's going home with ME! It is great to look nicer and its great for the self esteem, but you are completely correct when you say that its about being HEALTHY, not about being beautiful! I now have the energy to play with my kids for hours, practice soccer with my boys, chase them up the stairs to their bedrooms when they've misbehaved (LOL), take better care of myself and my family, walk around an amusement park without having to sit down every so often to catch my breath and I can actually ride on the rides with them! I could go on and on! These are the things that have been the most important to me since losing weight. So, NOPE! You're not crazy! I feel the same way. I fight the battle every day too and most days I win~I'm not perfect, but I'm striving to get better and better! If I gain a pound or two I try not to stress it, but I do try to turn things back around and take it right back off! Someone here told me that I won't morph into a 328lb woman again over night and that is so true! If I can deal with the little problems that come up, then I will never have to be MO again. Hugs, Tracy B

Hey Willow, I have a couple of friends that are freaking out about me having this surgery, all they talk about is how good I will look when I lose all this weight! One of them asked my husband if he was worried....DUH..., what I don't look good enough now for him to worry!!! He looked at her like she had one eye. He's said I love her no matter what! What a good man. Well, I would say that she has some problems with her own body! I have to say most of my friends and family are very happy for my. By the way my date is 9-19-06, the day after I turn 39, I would say that's the first day of my new life!!

Isn't it amazing how the social boundries of personal and intimate life details become blurred and often invisible when someone speaks with an obese or formerly obese person?? People just don't discuss an aquaintance's sex life or the results of their latest physicals on a routine basis, that is, unless the aquantance is obese or formerly obese! I've decided to begin developing an aresenal of responses to anitcipated comments for the future. Hows this for a start... in regards to my intimate relationship with my husband - "gee, I hadn't thought about how its changed, let's compare notes..what did you do in bed last nite with your husband/wife?" in regards to how I look and feel - "since we're comparing notes, don't you feel better now that you're not wearing that unflattering outfit you wore last Christmas?" Sorry if I sound offensive, but these invasions on my private life leave me feeling quite disturbed!!

Oh, yeah, I get that one too from time to time. It really ticks me off. But I am lucky too. My husband has loved me thin or fat and we have always had a wonderful relationship reguardless of my size. People mean well I guess. They just don't see how that comes across. Another thing I get that ticks me off worse than that comment is how people think that because I am no longer obese they can make fun or talk about other obese people. It is like it should now be acceptable to make fat jokes in front of me since I am no longer big. Did they say those things in reference to me when I was not around? That is the one that really gets me steamed. And, well, most of the time I just have to respond to that one. And not very nicely either. The nerve of people. Melissa

That one gets me too Melissa. It is so hurtful when people do that to anyone and I will not participate in making fun of anyone for any reason. I'm sure they did talk about me like that behind my back~unfortunately I've found out recently that they still talk about me behind my back~now I'm supposedly stuck up and don't care about anyone but myself, LOL! Its never ending! Tracy B

people are going to talk trash, , they have nothing else to make them happy but tearing on others. But hey , now that I am thin and think I am "all that" (and trying to be a Barbie doll on top of it all) I can be a ***** and not care what they say!