found a old picture of me..

yesterday the weather was horrible out and since im going back to work monday i tend to get the NESTING syndrome..whats that? getting organized..getting all my capris and shirts to one side of the closet, my slacks and tops to the other side..3/4 lenth sleeve shirts washed and organized.. so me the shoe hoe buys one of those bags you hang over the door i get my shoe polish out clean my clarks put them in the organizer leave a few pairs of flip flops out and the rest of the flip flops i put in a hefty zip lock bag ..they are huge storage bags awesome stuff.. well anyways when i moved i had put stuff in bins just chucked them on top of the closet didnt go thru them and since i was being so organized i decided to organize those bins.. well i come across a bin with my mothers pictures and childhood pictures..awwwwwwww...then my familys pictures my kids school pictures ect..then VACATION pictures ,..ok big sigh coming up now ARUBA>.......im looking at the beach pining and sighing wihing i was there being a brat..and dear lord pictures of me 2 weeks before my surgery.. i was like omg ..not only look wise but health wise..my feet were so swollen in that picture i couldnt even see my ankles..my face was blown up and i started crying thining of how misrable i used to feel never mind appeareance wise ..mentally and physically i was not in a good place.. i am so grateful for this surgery and it was a reality check last night ..yes im 4 years out i do eat things tthat people in the begging shouldnt eat..this summer i havent eaten right ive done mostly caRBS and vegetables because im a veggie freak.. so since im going back to work on monday ill be betyter with the eating ill be ona schedule and wont pick and need to eat my protien because ill be wiped out with my class.i guess laying around a pool dont take much energy..lol.. well i wanted to post this and rember were i came from..so next time someone issmo or mo instead of judging them maybe having a little pity on them because as the t shirt says been there done it i got the t shirt to prove it cioa bellas have agreat weekend1 hugs JoAnn

I am betting before the surgery you didn't even look at the pics as closely as you are doing now...checking out the details and trying to remember what it felt like to be that person. I know I never did before! You are so right....we have walked in the SMO/MO shoes and should never forget that feeling and don't judge others that are there currently wearing those shoes WE KNOW the pain, WE KNOW its hard, WE KNOW the acceptance factor for us in society was a lot smaller than it is now for us GRADS! Thanks for the post and sorry you have to give up that pool job! It must have been a great tanning summer for ya! Enjoy the back to school thing! Have a great weekend too! Debbie

i had a similar experience this week. ok maybe the "similar" part was looking at an old pic and crying. LOL i went to my physical this week and my doc had a student with him. she was very interested in learning i had wls and asked me questions. she said she couldn't imagine me being heavy and asked if i had a pic. so i showed her the one i have in my purse from the morning of surgery. while she looked, i looked. she said "oh you must feel so good". and i just started crying. maybe it is just because things are so rough in my life right now, but i feel like i am just as sad now as i was then, if not more so. i don't know, i just thought losing the weight was going to be MAGICAL and somehow everything else in my life would fall into place. so not true.... hugs~mary jo

Mary Jo, I can so relate to you. Although not MO anymore, life still throws wretches into our day that we must deal with. I'm feeling really crappy lately, seriously thinking it's time to get back on anti-depressants. I'm so exhausted and unmotiviated I could just crawl up in bed with a book and never come out. I dealt with life pre-op with food, it really can be challenging to find the point that I'm happy and healthy wanting to enjoy my life. Oh well, let's just continue to "deal" with life the best way we can......stay strong hon. Hugs, Dana

I know what you mean. Sometimes when I look at or show old pics I feel proud of how far I've come and sometimes they just bring me to tears b/c I remember all of those old feelings. I definitely did not look hard at pics when I was 328lbs~in fact, there are very few pics of me b/c I hated having my picture taken~it was too embarrassing I guess. Mary Jo and Dana~I understand what you're saying too. Losing weight did not bring some majic into my life that made everything wonderful. Things still go wrong and now I can't deal with it thru eating (see my post from earlier in the week about that, LOL) We have to find new coping mechanisms and that's not always easy. I haven't really figured out what to do when stress comes up and that scares me. Well, thanks for the reminder to be kind to everyone, no matter what their weight. I know how I felt when people gave me "the look"~it felt terrible and I would never want to make anyone else feel that way. My heart goes out to people that are struggling with being MO. Tracy B 328/150 5'9"

(((dana)))) glad to hear i'm not alone, but sorry you are feeling crappy lately. i just started taking celexa today, so i am hoping that will help. i know what you mean about crawling into bed and never coming out. geez, i feel that way about life! i'm almost scared for me. LOL i want to hide from all resposibility, don't want to find work. just want to stay in my apartment with my kids and do nothing. i told my doc the other day, i feel like i am going downhill at full speed, i got no brakes and i'm afraid of what will happen when i hit the bottom. that's the worst part. that i feel like i KNOW i will hit bottom and not trying to find a way to stop it from happening. scary.... i wish i could be a glare of sunshine and brighten your day for you! not feeling too sunny though. i love ya though and hope you feel better soon! xoxoxo

Monday! Can't believe you are starting back already. I spent a couple weeks going through old photos in an attempt to create some memory books and collages for my kids. Why did I not see myself that way then--good gracious--I think I am lucky I didn't see it as I would never have left my house. I tried that New-Whey protein. Got two vials from vitamin shoppe and I decided the blue rasberry isn't too bad. I love the ease of things like that.

Funny you would post this slork because as I was cleaning out some draws the other day, I stumbled across a birthday card from 4 years ago and inside fell out this picture of me before I had wls. In the card they were saying how proud they were of me...and I stood there looking at this picture in shock. I have a hard time believing I was that big. No I was not in denial, I just don't remember....I do not want to remember. Oh yeah I want to know that I do not want to go back there, but it is very hard for me to indentify with the person who was starring back in that picture. Weird eh? I do not know if I have finally crossed over and think of myself of who I am now or what. I just know that when I look at pics of me previous to wls, I wonder who the person is now. I will forever remain grateful for wls and what it has brought me in my life....not only my health, but you into my life!!! Have a great day back to school slork....I go back on Thursday! and

I love this post Joann....I'd love to see that picture of you. You know I love hearing about your growing up in the north end. So different from my Southern 'trailer trash' childhood. We had a lot of fun growing up, and swimming was one of our favorite activities...we'd swim in any water hole. I found a picture of me and my little sister Debi in a swimmin' hole in Georgia taken probably in 1957. Debi was my caregiver through my WLS and has been probably THE most supportive family member, bar none. She stayed with me for a week in Jacksonville and took care of me and was with me when I was told Ron had lung cancer three days later. She helped me get through the horror of his dying, she held the pan for him and helped me plan his funeral. As she said, she was just earning the jewels in her crown. I'll never be able to pay her back for all she's done over the years. Thanks Deb..... Hugs from the beach Charlie To see the picture of Deb and me...click the link below http://www.mimsfire.homestead.com/swimminhole_op_570x600.jpg