Why is my weight such an issues for others?

I had a BIG blow out with my sil on Wed~nothing new there b/c we have a general dislike for one another which is fine with me. But, of course my weight came up again. She says I've changed since I lost weight~I'm stuck up now and I don't care about anyone but myself. This statement is crap and totally untrue! I said it shouldn't matter if I weigh 300lbs or 100lbs~I'm still the same person. The only thing that has changed is now that I'm not overweight, I've gotten a backbone and I stick up for myself now and if people don't like that oh well, that's their problem not mine! I refuse to let people walk all over me now~is that a bad thing? She did admit that there is some jealousy there~she's not MO. She a size 14 and has always struggled with her weight and been over OVERLY selfconcious/sensitive about it. As soon as I got into a smaller pants size than her she got a major attitude~again, not my problem. It's hard b/c I do feel that I'm not as close to some friends anymore since losing the weight~that's so sad that people can't just accept you for who you are. They want to keep you in a nice box and not let you grow and change. I guess when I was MO they felt more comfortable around me. I just don't get why "my weight" is such an issue for other people?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Thanks for listening! Tracy B 328/150 5'9"

Unfortunately, sometimes it's as simple as vindictiveness and maybe that's what caused her to overflow at the piehole? lol, I hate to admit it, but Ive done it a time (or two?) Or maybe the fact that you're more confident and assertive leaves her feeling inadequate or inferior? Insecurity can be an ugly demon to carry around and it rears its head a LOT in many scenarios as we lose the weight and regain our "selves". I started out with a lotta confidence, anyway, so who'da thunk it was possible to gain even more along the way? I don't avoid confrontation or back down easily if ever (although it wouldnt hurt for me to learn how to compromise some? Nah! lol) I also make much more direct eye contact with a SMILE always on my face [like a permanent bozo kinda thing going on, lol]! It could also be a case of "people say the stupidest thing" where your SIL is concerned. I've always been a happy go lucky kinda gal and people actually voiced their concerns pre-surgery that I'd lose some of my jovial silly funny ways when I got skinny! I didn't realize it was the extra 230 pounds I was carrying around that made me funny, ya know? Yep, "Here's your sign" ....comes to mind where some are concerned!

Thanks so much for you kind words and humor!!!! I think you're right when you say that I have regained more of myself and ya know what, I feel good about that! I'm a happier, healthier person than I was 2yrs ago~I just wish people could be happy for me b/c I would certainly be happy for them! Hugs, Tracy B

hey tracy...i went through the same crap with my "friends" but you know what...it really shows who your true friends are. some of them i think i already knew that they weren't good friends but when they abandoned me through all this change it just sealed the deal for me. i knew i just had to let those people go...and then when they say they want the old stephanie back i just laugh and tell them she's not coming back if i can help it. this is the new stephanie take it or leave it! i'd rather have good health and no friends than to be sick all the time with a zillion fake friends in my life...just push through it and tell her SIL to back off. people suck sometimes!!

Hi Steph! I think you're right~its time to let some people go. If they were really my friends they wouldn't be walking around bashing me behind my back all of the time. I guess they have nothing better to do. Its just very sad that some people can't be happy for other's success, but like you said, the old Tracy isn't coming back so they can take it or leave it, LOL! As long as I have dh and the kids, I'm happy! Hugs, Tracy

You answered your own question. You admit that you now stand up for yourself. The people who were attracted to you because you let them push you around are probably uncomfortable around this new self confident person. That's a good sign though because it means you are loving yourself more now days. As for the SIL I think sometimes there are just personalities that we will always dislike dealing with so we do the best we can and avoid them when possible. I have a SIL who drove me nuts for years. After my husband, his mother and father died I told her I was no longer interested in having a relationship with her. Long story but I'm so glad to have her out of my life. I've read we have friends for a season, a reason or a lifetime. It's hard to give up friendships, but sometimes we have to realize that we've moved in different directions and let go. Then we get out and make new friendships. I have been lucky not to lose any old friends, but the relationships have changed because my life is much busier allowing less time with inactive people. Eating out isn't my only entertainment now days. Now that I'm full of energy and able to do active things I've found a need for new friends of like mind. I cherish my inactive friends and still enjoy their company, but I've added a circle of active friends to walk the beach, shop, work out, travel, dance, etc. Don't judge people too harshly and think all of the fault lies with others. We do change with the weight loss and some just aren't capable of handling the new personality. They loved you just as you were, but don't know this new confident person. We changed, they may not be capable of changing and adjusting to the new us. If that happens we just have to let go and treasure the good memories of times spent with them. Have a great day!

Pat, thank you for your kind words. I know that I have more self confidence now, but why does that always have to be perceived as a bad thing in some people's eyes? I definitely do NOT want any part of this sil relationship anymore~that makes it hard b/c I have to deal with her at certain times I guess, but believe me, it will be very limited. I am ready to let go and I hope she is too so we can make a clean break and go on with our lives. Hugs, Tracy

You mentioned in your post that she struggles with her weight and is sensitive about it, etc, etc, so her issue with your weight is a reflection of her insecurities in herself - nothing about you. And I also wonder when people say - you're almost TOO skinny (which still doesn't bother me by the way), too skinny compared to what? Like, why does your sil feel the need to compare you to her or vice versa? I'm with ya - I don't get it either, I just chalk it up to the other person's issues.

I totally understand this situation...my inlaws treat me like an outlaw...but thats ok...the friends i had arent so friendly anymore...but imnot taking any crap or put downs from anyone...i think we all get a little stronger for our own sakes and people who thought they were better than me or us for being overweight now have to find someting else to find that puts us to be inferior to them...so its really not our problem ...We are the same person inside...we just show our selves we are happier and healther everyday...I actually had a friend say to me *what did youcomme over to see how fat i was ?* i was floored...i have never put someone downor said anything about their weight...and thought to myself...i always drop by to see how you are...? i havent spoken to her...but once to see f she was ok...but she was cold and she toldme i looked sick and was too skinny....so i made up my mind to never speak to her again..that was a 15 year friendship...and it hurts to loose a friend...but i guess what i look like made the difference? so strange...it still baffles my minid...ive seen her gainand loose and loose and gain...and her the same...with me......i am happy with myself...and my health is great now...i just have fewer old friends.... good luck...with the sil... i dont get why the weight is such a /big deal either...i am the same...my real friends say im the same....just less of me... love yourself... stay healthy.

Hi Jennifer. Sorry to hear you've had friend problems too since surgery. It really stinks! And I also never judge anyone b/c of their weight~How could I????? In fact, if someone asks me, I will help out in any way possible and be their biggest supporter! I guess it just comes down to true friends and now I know who my true friends are and who are not! Its a sad thing. Tracy B