Feelings or Fear of Failure?

Hi all. I haven't posted in a long time... months maybe... But I feel alone, and I need help. I feel like I'm failing. I have ALWAYS ate well since my surgery until recently. My personal life has become very complicated, and it seems to be coming through in my eating. I feel empty personally and it's like that relects on my stomach too? I've been going to therapy, where we talk alot about my feelings (of course). All of my life I've spent not feeling anything. I just ate and everything went away. I think therapy has actually made things worse because it's brought up so many things I don't want to feel (and don't know how to deal with)... so I eat... I find myself doing all the old habits, sneaking food here and there (nothing too terrible... YET) and "closet eating", you know waiting until hubby is away and eating until he gets back. I've even been getting up in the middle of the night to eat (I NEVER did that even pre-op!!!). To put it mildly, I'm terrified. I feel desperate to stop this, now. Every day, I tell myself I will get this under control, but it's slipping away. I've lost almost 200 pounds. I'm within about 40 or so pounds of goal. Am I just going to let it all slip away? It feels like it. I'm sorry to sound so dramatic. I just feel desperate. I feel like crying all the time, and I don't know anyone who feels like I do. Please help me.

Hi Jasmine, I am sorry that you are feeling this way, I too have struggled, and continue to struggle like you, I really have no words of wisdom, other than one day at a a time. Therapy is a start, and 40 pounds to goal is awesome! We can do this! Aliya

You will be a happier person once you deal with all the buried emotions but I'm sure it's not easy right now. Maybe you could stock up on things like sugar free popcicles, apples, peaches, carrot sticks, celery, etc. My thoughts are that you are going to do some emotional eating as you go through the trama of therapy. Allow yourself the comfort of food but be aware that it is emotional eating. Make wise choices when you do give in to the emotional eating. An apple doesn't have many calories but it fills the pouch quickly. I know it's more fun to eat carbs and things that are bad for you, but you've come too far to backslide now. You can do this, just make wise choices even if you're eating for emotional reasons. I know some will say just be strong, but sometimes old habits overpower our good sense. If we're going to eat to fill a need at least make it healthy eating. Best of luck!

I can imagine how scary this is for you. I am an emotional eater too and I sometimes fear feeling any emotions at all b/c I'm afraid of what it will do to me. You have already come so far and you're so close to your goals~don't give up now! Hopefully with continued therapy you can work thru all of these feelings once and for all and put them behind you. Good Luck to You! Tracy B 328/150 5'9"

Jasmine, Don't give up on yourself! You have done so good! Just keep focus and know that you have support whenever you need it. I keep s/f popcicles in the house at all times. I also have these s/f breadnbutter pickles. The sodium is alittle high but it really sastifies my need for sweet, salty and crunch. Each time you fall of the "wagon" just pick yourself up and start over again. You will fall every once in a while (we are only human) but for the most part you will find that you are doing the right thing and not the wrong! Hang in there - you can do it!!!! Valerie

...thank you all for your comments. It's so nice to know that you're not alone. In so many ways, this surgery can be isolating. best, j

Jasmine , You know someone now and you are not alone .. I am in councelling ..had my surgery over three years ago ..reached my goal of 148 ..stayed there about 3 weeks and over the last 2 and a half years have gained 30 lbs ... emotional eating is hard to break .. I have recently gone back to the basics of WLS .. protein first ect and I am losing again .. so no matter how far out you are from surgery ..the pouch still works when you work it .. As far as the emotional eating goes .. this surgery doesnt cure that .. you get a refrain from it ..in those first 8 monts or so ..and then you really need some help with whats triggering it and we need to learn new ways to handle it . I dont have all the answers ..but you are not alone email me anytime nan054 @aol.com the post up from mine sounded like good advice that I know I will try .. that untill we can stop the emotional eating .. have good choices on hand like apples ect .. you can eat alot less apple than you can chips Hugs , Ruthie I feel your pain and I am here for you hugs , Ruthie