Those last 10 Pounds!

I'm with Sherry. All my life I've tried and failed to lose or maintain the wt loss. I'm terrified of regain. And like Sherry, I have health issues that make it a lot harder to lose and maintain it. I want to lose the last 8 pounds. I'm hoping that now I'm on drugs for the insulin resistance, that goal will be attainable. Maybe it isn't really important in the greater scheme of things to lose those 8 pounds. But to me and my twisted brain, it's HUGE! I look at it as a failure on my part not to get to my goal. My surgeon's goal was actually lower than mine but even he said where I'm at is fine. My PCP says my wt is fine. But dang it! I want to get to my goal. Just to prove to myself I can do it, if nothing else. Some days I'm okay where I'm at. Some days I'm not. I've been sidelined on the exercise department with hand/wrist surgery. I'm hoping next week the ortho will let me get back to water aerobics. Altho I've only gained 3 pounds, my jeans feel tight. I don't like that. But I'm also worried that when I get to my goal, what then? Will I be satisfied with my wt or will I then become dissatisfied with something else? True happiness does come from within. I've yet to figure out how to get there. I would settle for just being at peace with myself. A very good, thought provoking thread. Lyn

Sherry, darling you are not a failure, you are a wonderful woman, one that I look up to. I love your thought analysis and posts, you have inspired me in more ways than you'll ever know. With that being said, I do understand the not really grasping the changes and living life now without be obessed with all of it. I deal with this allot and need to work through these issues to finding myself and liking the changes. I see myself still fat and I don't like it, still feeling fat and confused . Dana

((((((((((Dana)))))))))) You are SO tiny! But, I (and countless others) do know exactly what you mean. Trust me, you do NOT want to know why; but, I've been sitting here most of the afternoon/evening crying my eyes out...I'm just SO tired...of everything. Tired of this stress and depression I've been living with, tired of this self-loathing, tired of being tired...just plain tired... (((Hugs))) & love, ~~Sherry

I was accepting of where I was until my 24 month check up with hottie surgeon....He used that line of Deb.....lose 20 more pounds. I felt like he just layed on the death sentence for me...I finally realize nothing has come off in 6 months...I play with a 3-5 pound gain on a regular basis...and this man lays the 20 pounds more line on me! PLEASE! I don't think I can take another 20 off with all the excess leg skin I have its impossible to work out anymore than I do now! I am not unhappy where I am....Would I like more...hell yes. Its the question of can I get more off? I don't believe my life would be any different with the 20 pound loss. After all 20 pounds is only 2 dress sizes right? And with the loss I have had I have gone down over 16 sizes and that really makes me happy to be able to say that! Debbie

I had no goal other than to have a '1' on the front of my weight. I am 5'10" and carry a BMI in the high 28s. Still, I wear size 34 pants and wear medium shirts. People guess I weigh around 175 and even less. I think you have to look in the mirror (Eewwww!) and ask "Is that enough?" and forget about numbers on scales or in those little tags in garments. I have seen a few women I would judge to be anorexic who console themselves that they are OK because they have a BMI of 18.x. Folks, only your body can tell you when is enough or when you have some room to go. Scales, little tags and BMI all can lie like a rug. J

Yep, it's why I got out a gun and shot the dang scale....kept lieing to me. I'm much happier now that it doesn't control my life. I go by how my clothing fits. Is it getting bigger on me? (right answer) Is it getting smaller on me? (wrong answer) Is it staying the same. (Well, ok for awhile...) Life is good. Don't need the added stress of trying to attain something that may be unattainable for MY body. Just keep keeping on so to speak. Trisha

What a great post. Tracy B's and Karen's answers (about the 3rd & 4th posts on this strand) absolutely stated my feelings, but I wouldn't have been able to put them so well. My whole adult life I've either been losing or gaining weight, and any time I've maintained, it's been at a new high. It's such a foreign concept to be where I am--having maintained my wls loss for over a year now. Now I'm just a normal person, weight wise. How do I wrap my mind around that? How DARE I be happy and satisfied with my weight? What will set me apart, give me my identity? As long as I'm not "finished," I know what I'm still supposed to be doing! At 56, I'm past sheer vanity, but it feels pretty good as a by-product! I'm only 5'4", so my weight is still in the overweight category. Losing another 10 would put me in the normal ranks. For a long time, I struggled mentally with not getting to a correct chart weight, but really, I've come to be very satisfied with where I'm at and will be ecstatic if I can maintain it. I think I look good; everyone else assumes I weigh less than I do; my husband is thrilled for me; likewise, our grown kids; my surgeon & nut. are more than happy with my results (my surgeon would have been happy with me about 20 lbs. ago). My life is so good. Thanks for the food for thought! Jo 295/155 (at goal)

Hummmm.... I can't think of a "Goal-less" Journey or Existence. I buy into the view of Aristotle- "Man is a goal seeking animal. His life only has meaning if he is reaching out And striving for his goals." Idealism is Great, But I also embrace the reality of the 'best laid plans...' "The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it." -- John Steinbeck So, I not only Strive for a Goal, but allow for adjustments Or new Goals along the way to Adapt to "The Journey." Starting out at- 385lbs at 6'1" BMI of 50.7 (Super Obese) My Doc "suggested" a "goal" of loosing 150 lbs. (75% of my excess Body weight) Both sets of Grandparents as well as my father Were all wheelchair bound from Obesity related problems By their mid-50's. I was looking to prevent that future. I originally went into the WLS process for health reasons And getting my weight down to 235lbs would have done that. Seemed a reasonable "Goal." But, Statistically a few patients have extreme complications, (Not 'Everything' is within our Control.) I lucked out and got to be one of those few, So my First Post-Op Goal? Had nothing to do with weight, but rather was- "I Want to Live!" For a while, that was actually a 'lofty' Goal. Then My Goal became, "I want to be able to Walk." Reached that Goal around 4 months out. Then my Goal became- "I want to have my insides on my inside. And be reasonably Whole." At just over 6 months Post-Op, Success! A whole body! By then I had almost reached the Doc's Goal, So I pressed on with my new one- "I want to be able to run, and have a 'Normal' Life." By that I wanted the trappings of 'Normal' so a 'Normal' BMI. A Normal BMI of 24.9 or less meant getting to 189lbs or lower. I figured- "Why not just go for an even 200lb. Loss and aim for 185lbs?" Right at 18 months Post-Op, I reached it. My Goal of "running" became- "I want to run a 5K! And do it like a normal person, not last, not first." Working toward that Goal, brought my weight down to a low of 179lbs And by 3 years Post-Op, (to the day) I ran in a 5K run. Just ahead of the middle of the pack. Still had some lingering health issues from excess skin, so Had my PS 3 days after my first 5K and now, I have a Whole, Normal sized/shaped body That can run a 5K and I turn 50 the end of this next week. My New Goal? Same as my first day Post-Op- Has little to do with weight- "I Want to Live!" I accept that unforeseen, events may happen, But until they do, I'm aiming to have a Textbook published before 2010, (The same year my house will be paid off) And continue living in a body that is capable Of running in an annual 5K run. That should help me keep the weight in a 'Normal range' I think, But the weight, in and of itself, is not really the issue at all. I'd like to be that 'Old-Dude' that they interview For running in the event at the age of 80! "What keeps you coming back every year Old Man?" "I Want to Live!" Best Wishes- Dx

This is such a thought-provoking post -- because the vast majority of us are always looking to lose 5, 10 (or 20 or 30 or 40) more pounds. I am 49 years old. My mother sent me to Weigh****chers for the first time when I was 11 years old. Before that, my thin mother was always limiting what I ate. (Of course, I became a closet eater.) In other words, I have been on a diet almost my whole life. It may be a miserable way to live, but it's really the only way I know. Does goal guarantee happiness? I hate to break it to you -- not necessarily. I got down to my doctor's goal of 160, and then to my goal of 155, and then a little below. Then what? I've ALWAYS been on or off a diet. I didn't know what to do, and I certainly had never had to deal with maintenance. Of the 10,000 times I had joined an organized weight loss program (slight exaggeration) I never got to goal. For the first time, I actually lost 100 percent of my excess weight and had a normal BMI. Did getting to goal finally make me happy -- for a few days. Then I lowered my goal a bit so it would give me a bit of a leeway. Then I gained back five pounds. Even though I was still below goal, it made me crazy. I felt like a failure even though I was still technically below goal. It's nutty thinking. I could really relate to Jay's post the other day of cruise control or auto pilot. Even when we reach goal, we'll never be "normal." That kind of thinking just gets us into trouble. I have come to realize that if I can wear a size 8 then other people who wear a size 8 could have flaws in their body as well. Clothes can hide a lot. I certainly have way too much skin. Then why are we so critical of our smaller bodies? Sometimes we're harder on ourselves now than when we weighed much, much more. Maybe goal is not the issue. Maybe it's just a matter of acceptance at whatever size. "Goal" or "BMI" are just numbers. Somehow we need to learn to accept OURSELVES NOT the number. As I approach my second year anniversary this week, I'm going to try to be nicer to myself (and that doesn't mean giving myself permission to eat inappropriate foods). Join me in this journey of self-acceptance. Joni

Very Well Said Joni! I am harder on myself now than I was at 328lbs. I'm always trying to dress to "look thin" even though dh tells me I look thin in everything I wear now. Clothes CAN hide alot~thank goodness! I am trying to learn to accept where I'm at~its not that I'm not happy at 150lbs, my head just hasn't really processed the fact that I truly only weight 150lbs. The mind/body connection hasn't happened for me yet, but hopefully it will soon! Tracy B