Am I the Only One ..

I am 2 years and a couple months post op . And while each day of my life is spent monitoring what I eat .. and being accountable .. I still feel so scared each day .. scared of regaining .. Scared of failing . I went to the May 04 Boards to catch up on how everyone was doing .. and almost all of the post I read where ones where they where regaining weight , or eating lot's more .. and this scares me to no end ... I know the triggers .. I know how to beat them most times ..but there is this insaciable ( sp ) fear of regaining . I weigh every day , have since day one of my surgery . And while I know there will be some fluctations .. and I am ok with that .. It is just something that I fight everyday .. And I guess to some degree , I knew this would be a lifelong fight . Does it ever get any better ... will there ever be a day that I do not fitday.com LOL I am such a planner .. and have to have things just right in my lifestyle now .. It just gets overwhelming sometimes .. Thanks for letting me vent .. I need to do this from time to time I guess .. and to achieve what I have .. and to maintain .. I guess I am still on track .. Hugs, Natalie 310/125 and holding on tight ...

Natalie, you definitely are not the only one! I'm right with you. I too weigh every day and constantly am talking to myself, you can't eat that, you can't have that, you will gain weight. Went on vacation two weeks ago and now my weight is up 5 lbs. I am freaking out. I am back to seriously watching what I put in my mouth and I'm walking an additional 30 minutes a day on top of my workout program. I have always fluctuated 3 lbs but never 5 lbs. I will get back to my goal weight. I have watched as others have failed at this and I will not be one of them. I didn't go thru what I've been thru to gain it back. I love where I am and love being able to do the things I do. So for today, I'm on yogurt with baby food prunes (Love prunes), corned beef with cheese for lunch, a small salad for dinner and maybe some cheese and water and walking. Oh yeah I'll work in my garden too. The above will fill me up to the max, I just won't be snacking for a week! Snacking is the killer I believe for all of us. (I mean chips, cookies, sf stuff.) Have a great day and I'm holding on tight also!

I think it is good sometimes that we are accountable and do police ourselves... So in saying that ... I am off to work .. with lunch and snacks packed in hand .. All my water for the day .. and yes .. I love my life now .. and would not trade it for anything ... will I falter some days yes... but I am lucky and smart enough to rebound .. Thanks for your post ! Nat

Natalie, you are NOT the only one, I live in fear everyday worried that I'll gain, and yes I see it from many on this board and other support boards I'm on. I know what I have to do but some days I just don't, then I beat myself up because I let my mind tell me "Oh that's ok, don't worry about", that's how I got to 260 lbs. I never want to go back there and deal with the co-morbidities I dealt with. I also didn't pay $25,000 to blow it, don't get me wrong it's the best money I ever spent but I don't want to throw it down the drain and I WON'T. I strongly believe being in several on-line support groups and my local support group will be necessary forever. Being accountable is definitely part of my strategy. When I had surgery I knew my life would change significantly but I wasn't expecting the obession to remain forever. It can be quiet overwhelming that everyday I have to make good choices and stay in fear. Oh well, this is my new life, I'll deal with it daily and live a healthy life enjoying every minute of mobility I have. Hugs, Dana

Hi Natalie, I too am a daily weigher since having surgery. I live in constant fear of regaining the weight back. I deal with emotional and binge eating so everyday is a struggle "to do good". My goal was 150 pounds but fluctuate between 143 and 150. I made a pack with myself that 150 is my weight ceiling. When I see the scale getting close or at it I take drastic measures to get it back down. I wish sometimes I could just get up in the morning and food not rule my mind, body, and spirit. Itd be so nice not to have to worry about every morsel you put in your mouth, weather its enough protein, if its got too much sugar/carbs. But I guess if I didnt worry Id be giving up and heading back to 263 again. I visit Fitday everyday sometimes 10 times a day changing the menu. I too am a planner and try to plug in the days menu ahead of time but I ALWAYS have to go back and make changes. The saga continues.... Candy

I'm right there with you girls! Gaining weight is my BIGGEST fear since having wls! I weigh every day to help myself stay accountable and so far its working. If I go up a pound or two then I really watch for the next few days and get it right back off. I hope this plan continues to work in the future. I know that I can't be perfect with my diet every single day, but I do my best to make wise food choices most days. Lets face it~I was never good at maintaining my weight, otherwise I never would have ended up at 328lbs~I guess that scares me the most~kind of like the fear of the unknown. So, we do all these crazy things to stay on track. I did do a post on weighing daily awhile back and I was surprised to find out that ALOT of people here at the Grads Board weigh every day~it always seems like you see people say "throw out your scale", but I say NO WAY, LOL! I am like you~a planner~and if I get off schedule it can totally throw me for the day, so I try to stay perpared as much as possible. Anyway, I understand exactly what you're saying!!! Hugs, Tracy B 328/152 5'9"

I live in the same constant fear as all of you do. My lowest weight was 162 my average weight is around 170, so I think the Gods are telling me that is where I should be. If I go over that, which I have, I try really hard to get back down as I know what it is I am doing that creates the weight gain. Since I am farther out I tend to struggle with hunger...do you? I drink quite a few mocha frappe lites from Starbucks, which I'm working on cutting back on (BIG addiction problem there) and also find that I drink more alcohol now than I ever have...I usually have a shot or two of bourbon in diet coke at night when I get home from work and/or on the weekends when we watch T.V. I drink it and think hmmm, this isn't worth it, but when it's gone, it's like wow, I really miss it. So I've got two major addictions on my hands - the frappes which are costly as well and the alcohol and I'm struggling with both. Do any of you have anything in particular that you struggle with? I come from an alcoholic family so the alcohol really scares me. Plus, I know it's not good for the liver either. It also will create feelings of hunger and keep my ulcer (which I got after surgery) acting up, which also creates feelings of hunger. Why do we do this to ourselves, I don't know. I do know that I want to be a winner always...I don't want to be a statistic that gains it back. I think a gain of 5-10 pounds is normal - but I don't want to go beyond that and I really want to stay at 169 because then I have a "normal" BMI...to some, that might be strange, to you guys, I know you understand. Anyway, to close, right now when I weighed the other day I was 170.4...I have to get that back down a bit but it's hard and honestly, I'm struggling...thanks for being there and listening...here you are asking for advise and I come along and ask for more, but then, that's why we are here! Have a safe and happy 4th to all!

NO you are not the only one. I fear everyday about gaining weight back. I heard nothing but horror stories about people who had the surgery gaing it all back. I too weight myself every day and mu ceiling is 120 , it is 120 becaue at night I can weigh up to 123 and day 120 so I watch every day. I am sooooo scare. but maybe just maybe it is a good thing to be scared. hugs to all T erri

Thank you all for sharing with me . It does help me to know that I am not alone in this . I know that I will have to be accountable each and everyday ... and it is worth it .. to feel as good as I do .. and to yes.. Look this good .. I am doing all that I can . I know that if I falter .. tommorow is another day .. Happy 4th of July to all ! Natalie

Hee hee, Nat... funny timing that you should post this. I'm out camping with the family. Hit my goal of 125 a couple of months ago and flucuate between 124-128. Well, I have been sneaking a nilla wafer here and there and have really been hard on myself about it. Well, I guess I fell asleep last night kickin myself...because i dreamt that I went to my surgeon's office and when I got on the scale, I was leaning forward and back trying to get that scale to go down just one more click.. when SUDDENLY I became so heavy on the scale that the thingy just spun and spun and then the scale started breaking apart until it just crashed through the floor! Oh, it was awful...and GOD it felt so real. so yea, you could say I'm scared!! Hugs, Pam