Perceptions of You?

So, do people have a different perception of you now? If so, in what way? Most people that really know me (and knew me at 328lbs) say that I haven't changed at all~I'm still a down to earth, tell it like it is kind of person. But, I heard yesterday that my dear (I use this term loosely) sister in law in going around telling people how much I have changed since I had my surgery. She says that I don't care about anyone else anymore and only think and care about myself. She's nuts, LOL! The lady that she said this too was like "oh wow, well she doesn't seem like she's changed to me at all". Maybe I don't let people treat me like crap anymore and that's what sil doesn't like~I don't know. I'm sure she's said alot worse things about me too, but this is the only one that I've heard so far. Anyway, does anyone else deal with these kind of rumors? Tracy B 328/152 5'9"

I know the feeling. My ex-mother-in-law (now my step-mom, VERY LONG STORY THERE!), talks all kinds of garbage about me. Tells complete strangers, "Can you believe, she used to be "this big"(as she stretches her arms out)? Then when I recently was talking about a TT, she told me I am "obsessed" with surgery, and the only surgery I need is to get my mouth sewed shut....needless to say, I don't get along with this woman. My husband says she is just jelous. She is quite overweight herself, and is the type to not do anything about it. She feels people who have the surgery are quitters, or losers since they have to resort to surgery to do so. I say, "No, it took more courage than anyone can possibly imagine, and I at least took the initiative to make my life better instead of sit there and complain and do nothing about it.." My step-mother doesn't like the fact that I have developed a backbone and don't tolerate people degrading me or treating me like crap anymore. I speak my mind and she doesn't like that. Too bad for her and other people out there like that. You are a beautiful person, all that should matter to you is you and your family who loves you, if the rest of the world has a problem, it is their loss. Keep your chin up...you look great! Connie

Thank you so much Connie!!! You're right~it does take courage to have wls. I did not go into it lightly and it was very scary! Now that I'm on the other side I couldn't be happier!!!! I've been called obsessed too. My sil also go very "worried" about me as soon as I got into a smaller pants size than her (she's a 14). She was all the sudden so worried and thought something was wrong with me and that I was getting too thin, blah blah blah. I just don't get people. Who cares what size you are as long as your healthy and happy?!?!?!? Anyway, thanks again for your kind words! Hugs, Tracy B

Yes they do...I was overweight for six years and before that when i was like 25 I was not overweight although I did have to fight to keep the weight off...even then...now that I have lost the weight I am just so much happier and it shows...everyone talks about how outgoing I am again...when i was bigger I just wanted to hide and stayed depressed...now I am more out there...I also do not take crap from anyone anymore...I did not deserve it when I was bigger but felt like I did I guess...Hugs, Sonya Brooke

Sonya Brooke, I know what you mean about trying to hide out. I did that too. I always stayed active and had lots of friends, but within a certain group of people, not really outside of my comfort zone. Hugs, Tracy B

Tracy, I have noticed that some people are so mean to me now, people I thought who were good friends. I don't think I have changed overall ( yeah, I'm happier, more active, more energetic....), but people's reactions have definitely changed. My MIL is "so afraid" that I'm gonna gain my weight back... she bugs me daily.... I finally told her that when she is as skinny as me, then we can discuss the issue... but until then, she is the one with a weight problem, not me..... well that shut her up!! Now she complains about how fat she is.... I just tell her she is fine.... I do believe that a lot of us, pre surgery, took a lot of crap from people, and with the weight loss, we build confidence and just don't take that kind of behavior from others. That doesn't mean we have channged or are not caring.... it means we are less dependent and less needy of other's approval.... Just my thoughts... you have a great day!!! Laurie - minus 186 lbs!!

I agree with you Laurie. And good for you for handling your mil! I know I certainly don't want/need anyone looking over my shoulder waiting for me to gain weight! I'm sure there are certain people secrectly wishing that I would, LOL, but it's not gonna happen if I can help it! Hugs, Tracy B

I'm hoping I have changed. I've entered what I like to call my "self care" phase of life. That means that I worry as much about myself, as I have always worried about my family. Before WLS, I was always there for everyone else. Dependable as a rock. The one that was burdened with resolving all my families troubles. The stress was difficult and it contributed to my allowing my weight and my health to suffer. Now, I ask myself "do I really NEED to worry about this?" I assess the troubles thrown my way and don't make efforts to solve those that don't impact on my life. I place the responsibility for those, back on the family members who created those problems. I am now able to freely proclaim. "Sorry, not my problem". The "old" me gave so much of my time and money to others, that I left myself in a lurch. Not anymore and anyone who doesn't like the "self care" me, is welcome not to call me...for loans, advice, free rides... and any of the other ways in which I allowed them to take advantage of me. When I can offer those things, I still do, but I don't want my family expecting me to bail them out. I hope to keep changing. Keep fine tuning my priorities around my immediate family and my closest friends...but also (and MOST importantly) around ME. For the first time in my life, I realize that I am important. I am valued. I don't deserve to be abused or used by others.... and I'm not gonna take it anymore! Sorry for the rant. Lately, I've been hearing complaints from others that I have changed.... and my answer is YES... I am changing for the better and learning to love myself enough to do what is right for me. Thanks for getting me going. I needed this little vent. LOL Cheers Karen G

That's cool Karen! It sounds like you're really getting your priorities in order these days! Good for you for taking care of YOU first!!!! I guess maybe that's what people don't like and I know change is hard, but if we're happy, then why can't others just be happy for us??? jealousy~maybe, envy~could be, fear~quite possibly.......the list of reasons could go on and on I think. Hugs, Tracy B