Grads - I need you.

Please, for the love of pete... I NEED to hear stories of success. I need to hear from people who are 3- whatever years out who have NOT had a significant regain. I am having major anxiety attacks over this, and its effecting my ability to eat. Seriously. I am so afraid of failing, and regaining, I am over-scrutiinizing, over-thinking, worry worry worry... It's got to stop. This is no way to live. It's gotten to the point where I am afraid of reading posts here anymore because my inner fat-girl starts screaming SEE WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN? I TOLD YOU THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. Please someone, toss me a line. Meanwhile, I'm looking for a new therapist and getting my xanax refilled. Yes, the anxiety about this is THAT bad. I'm in tears, and a big freaking mess right now... Michele

Hi Michelle, I am not 3 years out - only almost 2. I am one of those people that have probalby added to your anxiety. I have been complaining a lot about weight gain. When I read your post, I had an epithany: I have been FREAKING out about gaining up to 138lbs!!!!! What kind of CRAZY CRAP IS THAT???????? 138 is not only VERY HEALTHY but actually considered VERY NORMAL for someone my heigth (5'6)!!!! I remember being THRILLED to be under 200lbs!!!! I think I need to take a deep breath, a step back and realize that freaking out over a few regained pounds is exactly what will cause me to fail at this. And a bit of counseling is probably just what I need at this point in my journey. We are all given the tool to help us physically, and a lot of us now need to find something to help us mentally and emotionally. Thank you for opening my eyes and strengthening my resolve to seek counseling. I hope you find what you need to get to a better place. You have helped me so if I can help you in any way, please email me! Patrice 227/133/135

Patrice, Thank you so much for replying. I find it incredible that I can help someone else, but find it practically impossible to help myself. This is bewildering. After cooling off this morning, I realized (again) that I am showing signs of developing a new eating disorder. I say new, because I don't think my old eating patterns were normal either. Do you want to know something really weird? I have been freaking out because I got down to 134, and I am now back up to 138. Maybe 138 is a magical crazy number for us both! The Drs think I am very close to being underweight at 138, as I have almost NO bodyfat left. Yet I still feel I must be 135 or lower. I do need help emtionally and mentally. Thank goodness for my husband and the grads here on this board! Thanks again for your words, they are appreciated. Michele

I am 2+ yrs out and have my days I am fearful but it is not okay to be so stressed. I am so glad you are seeing the Dr. I hate it for you that you are in so much pain. These are thoughts you are having NOT facts. Be good to yourself. Hugs, Laurie

Thank you Laurie, You are right, it is NOT ok to feel like this. The fear is overwhelming sometimes, and thats not ok either =( Thanks for the hugs, Michele

First of all, take a deep breath and relax. I am almost 2 years out. I had surgery on 08/10/2004. On the day of surgery I was 353lbs. I am now holding steady at 170 to 175. Considered normal for my height 5'11". I know what you mean about the anxiety, however I do think a little fear and anxiety is what keeps me in check. I will not allow myself to go back to where I was. Hell, I can't afford to buy fat clothes again. I still feel guilty everytime I eat, healthy food or not. It is getting better though. I too worry about regaining and but if you really think about it, it all boils down to a healthy diet and excercise. It is as simple as that. If you eat healthy most of the time and exercise it would be really hard to regain unless other medical issues were present. Don't get me wrong. I do eat some sweets and carbs if I have a craving, although I sometimes do pay for it, and I can eat what I would consider normal portions of food for someone my size. The days of 1/2 cup meals are long gone. In fact it scares me sometimes how much food I can put away. Nowhere near the amount I ate when I was fat but more than I thought I would ever be able to eat. Depending on how dense the food is, I can do between 2-3 cups at a meal. For me, I think exercise is the key in maintaining my weight. I lift weights 4 days a week and run 3-5 miles 5 days a week and don't anyone dare say you don't have time to exercise. You have to make time. I can eat pretty much what I want and maintain weight, however I do make healthy choices most of the time. I need to eat or I wouldn't have the energy to fuel my workouts. I weigh myself every morning. I don't do it excessively, but it doesn't allow things to get out of hand. If you weigh yourself every couple of weeks or so you can put on weight and before you know it you've regained 20lbs. At least this way I can adjust daily if need be. Don't worry so much. If you are living healthy and excercising you will do just fine. Most of the posts I read on here about people regaining weight always end up with the poster saying they don't like exercise; or they are eating the wrong foods; they are falling back into old habits; they are eating too many carbs again; blah blah blah. This is why most people are regaining. Get control. They are not doing what they are supposed to. Please don't anyone get too upset. I am not flaming anyone and I am nowhere near perfect but I do follow the rules the majority of the time and other than daily water weight fluctuation have not regained any weight. The way I look at it, the surgery got me started. If you don't make a conscious effort to change your lifestyle, it is just a matter of time before the lbs. start coming back. I am sorry if I pissed anyone off. Brendon

Hi Brendon, I am much calmer now than I was this morning. Thank you for writing. I actually had surgery less than a month before you Thank you also for all the points you made, it really did help calm me. And after thinking positively, instead of dwelling on what "could" happen if I fall off the wagon, I realized I am doing just fine. (except for the anxiety) I see the beginnings of an eating disorder starting, and I'm gonna fix that before it becomes a bigger problem. Thanks again for your insight. And I doubt very much if you upset anyone. It was very helpful. Michele

i was three years out this past Feb. 10th. If you have followed me on here, you know I have never had any kind of weight gain and in fact, struggle to keep some weight on. I just got back from Disney World with my grands this weekend and weighed and am down to 114 again. My lowest was 109. I looked frail and sick and felt awful. Actually, i was sick but didn't know it at the time. I have really been feeling great, got up to 122-125 for a few months. that is an ideal weight for me. Now, here I am losing again. i don't want to lose. I am grazing all day long. My bypass best buddy that went with me to help with the kids, couldn't believe how much and what kind of food I eat and am still losing. But this time I don't feel sick. It is just very distressing to me. Also, my friend is nearly four years out and has not had any regain at all. She never stresses about it and just keeps eating like she should with a few slip ups here and there and has maintained within a three-five pound range for about two and a half years now.

Thanks Delores, I do remember you posting about having trouble keeping your weight up. And I'm sorry to hear ou still seem to be having trouble with that. I hope it settles down for you soon. Thanks for telling me about your friend, it's good to hear she is doing the same things I am and still maintaining. Michele

Michele, I am over 2 1/2 years out (my surgery was Oct. 2003) and I reached my goal weight about 8 months after my surgery. I have maintained my weight, give or take 5 pounds, for 2 years. You can do this. I have a healthy attitude about what I eat. I have completely changed my life and I know I am doing well for myself. I moniter my weight about once a week and I eat and exercise accordingly. At one point, I was too thin and didn't look healthy. My family was freaking out, now people tell me that I look great all the time. I am 5 9 or 5'10 and I stay between 170 and 175. I feel great and I have tremendous energy and stamina. Hang in there. See your doctor and get the jitters under control and then try to enjoy the new life you have given yourself. Michelle Abernathy