Is there anyone like me?

I know this is not the right forum for my question, but I would like to talk with someone who is fimiliar with our family concerns. So here it goes. Is there anyone on the site with children who has lost a child? If so, how did you prepare your other children and ease their concerns about your surgery? Our daughter was killed in a plane crash back in Oct, and I have a couple of children totally scared that I won't come out of surgery. I have given the speech that I will live longer and healthier if I have the surgery, but 2 out of 5 surviving siblings are having a really hard time with my decision. Thanks for your time. Suzy

First of all Suzy, I am heartbroken for you. I can't even imagine the pain and suffering your family has endured. There is a board for this http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/bereavement/ but I didn't see very much on it. I don't know if this interests you, but the Christianity board might have an idea of where to go. They are always sharing and helping. http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/christianity/ I think your children are going to be scared no matter what you tell them. They will have to put their trust in the doctor and staff and other people they don't know and that is very hard to do. Maybe write each of them a letter to open while you are in surgery and reassure them and let them know - in writing - how much you love and care for them. Maybe give them each a little token to hold close to their heart during surgery. If you can, spend a few moments one on one with each child just before going in. I know there are not any words - even from you - that will make them not have any fears, but you need to do this for yourself........and that will ultimately be for them. Good luck and keep us posted. Linda -208

Suzy, God Bless you and your family. I lost my daughter a little over 12 years ago, she would have been 13 next week. The following year I lost my husband when I was 4 months pregnant with my second daughter. So my daughter, who is 10 now, has grown up knowing that her father and sister died. She is tuned into loss-- so to speak-- and is really sensitive. She was very worried, but I tried as best I could to explain to her what I was doing. I also, chose to do the LAP BAND which is less invasive and carries fewer risks. One of the things that I was advised after the loss of my daughter and husband was to NOT make any big decisions within the first year after their deaths. The reason being that while we are grieving we view life through different eyes. How old are your children? Are they on their own as young adults or are they still at home? I would advise family counseling prior to making a final decision. It is never easy to lose someone, and the loss of a child is perhaps the most difficult, followed by the loss of a mother. I sought a number of different types of counseling after my losses, from group to private, secular to religious. You are obviously concerned about your children in that you are reaching out for answers. You will be healthier by losing weight, but you are right in wanting to address your children's fears. God be with you in your search for answers. Kelly

I wanted to say thank you. Your advise given is greatly appreciated and needed. I noticed you are from Everett and Marysville, I also noticed a few weeks ago that there was a support group in Marysville starting up. Could one of you give me information on future dates, I would love to attend one of their meetings.

I do go to the one in Marysville, we are very new and have about 8-9 members right now. It meets at the Marysville Library on the 1st Saturday of the month at 3 o'clock. The one in Everett: http://www.enjoyhealth.com/beccy.htm And there is one at the Evergreen Hospital in Kirkland http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/EvergreenWLS/ Tuesday April 11, 2006 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm This event repeats on the second Tuesday of every month. The next reminder for this event will be sent in 5 days, 4 minutes. Event Location: Evergreen Hospital Notes: Speaker Each Month

Hi Suzy, I believe the support group meets the first Saturday of each Month. I couldn't make the APril one because I was leaving the day after for my surgery. If I remember right it was at the library. Check out the old posts or wait for the May one to be posted. Take care. Blessings Strenght and Peace!! Kelly