HELP

Ok, I'm so depressed. I wasn't prepared for what has happened in my home. My husband doesn't talk to me anymore. He spends his time down stairs. I spend my time up stairs. We have nothing in common anymore. I've asked him numerous times this week to take me to the Olive Garden. He's not interested. And after months of being without, I came to him one day and said "when are you going to give it up?" He response was right now. Let me tell you he must of won a world record of hoping on and off in less than 3 minutes. I can't stand it. I want companionship so badly. I want someone to share my new life with. I have been so depressed, I can't even eat. I haven't eaten in 3 days. I've lost 8 pounds in those 3 days. That's the only good part. So has anyone else experienced this? I'm sorry to be so graphic. I just need some feedback. Thank you all for any comments you leave. I appreciate it.

hi arlene, i am new to this site, hoping to have wls. i am reading everything i can to learn all i can. this posting really shocked me, this is one area i never considered...how lives change when you change. i read your profile, and i wish i lived in spanaway just to have a wls friend to share with (spokane). i would tend to think that you have become a whole new lively vibrant person who has gotten a new lease on life and maybe your husband is stuck in the hum drum of major bore and misses his major bore fatty wife??? this will certainly be a conversation i bring up with my husband. thanks for your honesty in your posting. your profile sounds like you have a few kids to sink your time and energy into, suggest some grand kids to them and your world will be somewhat closer to heaven, with or without your man.

Thank you Renae!! As I read your reply, I do what I have been doing all week. Crying. My husband and I talked about all kinds of things about this surgery before I had it done. We went to alot of support group classes before hand too. We heard all the stories. We said that would never happen to us. Well, guess what. It did. The words lively vibrant person is so right. I can't sit around the house anymore. I have to keep busy. His shift changed as of the start of the year and now he is on graves. So when I get off at 5:00, he expects me home by 5:45. The other day, traffic was heavy and I probably got out of the office about 5 minutes late. When I got home, I walked in the house and his reply was, "where have you been??????????????????????????????????????" I do have a few kids. Four of them have their own lives and I still have one at home. She's 15 going on 30. But I do have a grandchild coming in March. I can't wait. My husband and I use to do everything together. Now we're hardly ever together. I love my new body. I love the confidence it has given me. I love that there probably isn't anything I couldn't do now. I just want someone to love me back. I hope the best for you. Do alot of research! But I have NO regrets!! Take care. Arlene

Hi there - I am so sorry to hear this, I was truly hoping that things would be better. YOU know what YOU want out of life and you have gone for it. GOOD FOR YOU!! Now it seems that your husband doesn't know how to deal with the new wife that he has. Was he this way before the surgery? Maybe it is time for counseling or a good old fashion heart to heart between the two of you. All I can say, you know the phone number if you want to get together and talk. By the way - less than 60 days and counting!! Susan

Thank you Susan! Yes, I believe he doesn't know what to do with the new me. Counseling, I don't know. I know that what we need but I can't see it happening. The heart to heart, it never works out. Either he doesn't talk or I don't talk. Then it ends up being a shouting match. I don't want that. There nothing good that ever comes out of it. I'm so glad your doing this for you. You WILL be happy in the end. Talk to you soon. Arlene

Oh Miss Arlene... I wish I could give you a real hug. I am sorry you are going through this. I really don't have any advice for you. My husband is the same in some ways. I figured he would be all over me when I started dropping lbs. But he isn't. I think that you should just make sure that you keep your confidence up. Maybe if he sees that what he is doing isn't (even though it is) effecting you, he will come around. Or he will wonder what you are doing to stay so happy! He has some serious issues that need to be addressed. Obviously he doesn't care how you feel. Do you have kids at home? If not, or even if you do, I would consider a separation. My husband and I did it a couple of years ago and it worked wonders. We were able to communicate better and be better parents. But it's going back to the old ways slowly. I try and remind my husband that he is reverting back to the old him that drove me away. But I don't know what the future holds once the kids are out of the house. I really don't know if I will be there. Keep you chin up girl. You deserve to be HAPPY!!!!! Lori

Thank you Lori. I am making sure I keep my confidence up. Atleast trying to. Last week was a real bummer for me. I even had terrible thoughts of suicide. But it isn't worth it. I just want to be happy and want to be wanted. Hopefully things work out. Time will tell. Have a good day! Arlene

Hi sweetie, You really should consider going to counseling. That remark you made about suicide scares me. You need to talk to someone. Obviously not your husband from the sounds of it. A counselor will help you get through your feelings. But also, I would give up trying to talk to your hubby either. He needs to know how serious things are between you two. You need to be happy. You both do. Take care hon, Lori

I saw Gregory Dorris, PhD yesterday for my psych eval. One of his questions was "has anyone ever tried to sabotage a diet or weight loss for you?" My answer was, "No. Never intentionally." Husbands and other people who love us don't want us to remain the same weight or have failures. However, I think that changes in our lives may often create concern for them. Will our perspectives and loyalties change? Will we not need them or love them? When we leave our obese bodies, will our healthier bodies become of interest to stronger suitors? Shee**** can be tough on relationships! And, it can be a real bond strengthener. I believe that whatever we had going pre-surgery will become stronger post-surgery. It's a change for everyone in our world--not only us.

Thank you Elizabeth. Good luck on your journey. I would do it all over again!!! Arlene