Thanksgiving: holiday or horror?!

When I decided to begin the process to have WLS, back in late May, I began to focus very hard on changing my eating habits immediately. I told myself that if I had the surgery, I would have to change my eating habits for the rest of my life. I reasoned that if I couldn't change my habits for the six months or so leading up to surgery, I might not have the surgery. It was a personal test. I was already working hard on monitoring my food for my diabetes. No matter what I do, I can't get my blood sugars in the healthy range, even when I eat no carbs at all and take my meds. Anyway, something shifted inside me once I learned that my insurance would pay for the surgery and if I just waded through the lengthy process, I could have WLS. I changed my relationship with food. It doesn't mean the same thing to me anymore. Food has become fuel. I was moving in to this attitude for some time, as I coped with my diabetes, but over the summer, I stopped needing food emotionally. I mentioned this to my PCP and she disclosed to me, for the first time, that she had some serious overweight issues in her twenties before she decided to go to med school. And then she changed her whole relationship to food. She said that for her, the shift contributed to her decision to apply to med school. She said she knew just what I was talking about and she asked me to think about what had happened to me to 'change my relationship with food'. She said if it could happen to us, it could happen to others and it would be helpful to know what the shift is. So I've been floating along, eating more healthfully than I have ever in my 52-year-old-life. And I've been loving my new relationship with food. Each day of food success has affirmed my decision to have the surgery. Each day, I see progress towards my goals. Then Thanksgiving. Something about the combination of the holiday season, which is food-laden, and the fact that I'll probably have the surgery right after the holiday season has triggered me. I want to eat every holiday treat that I can possibly think of. Dips, desserts, cheese, chocolate, stuffing, gravy. My old crazy food thinking has been unleashed. While I have changed my relationship to food, one of the keys to my success is that I have become extremely disciplined about grocery shopping. I don't buy foods I am not supposed to be. So later in the evening when I might crave a binge, there is nothing in my home to binge on. There is only low fat protein, low carb vegies and milk. A glass of skim milk in the evening has become my version of decadent food indulgence. But in the past week, I have gradually stuffed my fridge with food. So far, there is not too much in the forbidden food category, but I don't kid myself. I am gearing up for a holiday binge. I tell myself, in my weaker moments, 'what the heck, go for it, this will be the last food holiday of your life'. Or I tell myself "no one will know, do it, have some food fun". But I will know. I promised myself that I would not have the surgery if I couldn't change my eating. So far, I'm winning the battle. . . . but I exepct to have some slips in the next few days. I forgive myself in advance. And I pray that I keep my resolve to not use food emotionally. I hate the holidays.

oh come on! I don't think many of us, before our surgery, didn't go out and splurge on a great meal or couple of meals. As you said, it would probably be the last time. Kind of like a condemned man's last meal. LOL I had BBQ ribs, lobster, and a few nice deserts. I guess enjoy them while you can, because after surgery they won't taste the same. At least not for awhile. After 4 months, some things taste the same, but other things i loved taste yucky still. In a way that's good. But other things that had good sources of protein that I can't stand anymore is bad. LOL So don't worry, the surgery will help you as you won't be able to eat much, nor will you want to. Jer

I know just about anyone would splurge on favorite meals before WLS and maybe I am being hard on myself. But when I decided to go for WLS, I made a real inner commitment to change my relationship with food. Like any commitment, either I am in or I am out. I don't want the physical chaqnges to my body that will be imposed on me by surgery to be the only reason I grow a more healthy body. I want it to be the result of my effort as well. Otherwise, it feels like I'm pulling off a 'trick', like a magic stunt that isn't really magic. Last week, I attended a required information session at my hospital. There was a support group afterwards and I stayed for that. I was surprised, kinda shocked, really, to listen to some people talk about food. There were a couple post-surgery people there who had each lost a heckuva lot of weight, 100 pounds+ and they were talking about food the way a junkie might speak of heroin. One woman, a year and 100+ pounds post surgery recounted at great length her many 'last meals' before the surgery: she lovingly recounted the shakes and steaks and cheeseburgers. At one meal, she reported, just before surgery, she had three cheeseburgers with the works and fries and a malted. She had an aura about her like she was dreaming, sorta like the old Christmas story where the kids have visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads. Food has never been this important to me. I have felt a lot of pressure, as an ever-growing, morbidly obese person to THINK I am obsessed with food. Non-obese people seem to need to believe that everyone who is morbidly obese got that way by living for food, by steadily indulging in extreme overeating binges, etc. and I think that many obese people buy in to this. It sorta self-perpetuates the belief system. I am not obsessed with food. There is no food that gets me off or gives me as much pleasure as having a good blood glucose reading. There seems to be an assumption in these forums and just about anywhere I see morbidly obese people talking about food that all of 'us' are food obsessed and got morbidly obese because of it. That's just not true. I appreciate what you've said, Jerry. I know the surgery will help me not eat. The whole point of making this change in my life is to make the inner change along with it. I have changed my relationship with food and I am not going to eat mindlessly today, over the holidays or pre-surgery. I am never going to eat mindlessly again, pre- or post-op. Besides, my surgeon requires a liquid diet for three weeks before the surgery!

ouch! Three weeks before? I had that for 4 weeks after. If I ever see another protein shake again i'm gonna yack! Those things wouldn't be so bad if you could drink it all at one time and get it over with. But nooooooo! You could only take little drinks. LOL For some reason after surgery, taste buds go out of kilter. When trying them out before surgery they weren't too bad. But after! Gag me!! At this time I'm hardly eating anything but salads, hard boiled eggs, steak, soups, and veggies. It also seems that you like something one month and the next it tastes yucky. And another thing. After 4 months I am noticing a little thinning on top. And here I thought I escaped that fate. It's funny because I never notice any hair in the sink, on my brush, or in the shower as I used to before the surgery. I think some alien abducted it thinking it was William Shatner's toupe'. Big Star Trek fans those little gray men. But we'll survive.