Am I over reacting

Today my DH(this stands for D*** Head today) asked me if he had to wait while I'm in surgery.This has really upset me I don't know about all of you but I want to see his face before I go under and when I wake up. I am guessing because my surgery will be done laproscopic that I will be in sugery about 1 1/2 hrs.I have to be there on monday at 5:30am and surgery is at 7:30. He wanted to go to work for a few hours while I'm under. I really want him there (nobody else will be). Am I being unreasonable??? Please help me understand this and perhaps see a different perspective.Thanks for listening.

Hi Latzy, I don't think you are over reacting one little bit. Surgery is not like going to take a nap, there can be complications. Not only that its comforting to know there is someone there for you all the way. I will keep my other comments to my-self concerning your DH. You will find support here. Who is your doc and where are you going to have wls? Keep up the good work Latzy and don't let anyone bully you out of wls. SIWL, Tee

I had surgery without my dh here, he's currently deployed in Iraq. But if he had been here, I would have definately wanted him to be there with me the whole time. I can't even imagine my dh telling me he wouldn't be there, I'd be devestated. But I didn't have a choice. As it was, my sister went with me and she stayed at the hospital for 36 hours before she went back to my house, showered, ate and came right back. ~Tanja

Hey there Latzy, NO WAY are you unreasonable. If my DH asked me that I would come unglued. I'd tell him if he's not there, he better be sleeping with one eye open for the next few months.. But hey, thats just me. But seriously, like Tracy said, this is not like your going to take a nap. This is MAJOR surgery. Have you sat down with him and told him your fears and how important it is to you that he be there? Sometimes a rock has more common sense than a man, so you may have to do this a few times to get him to really understand. Your in my thoughts and prayers for a smooth surgery and a quick recovery, I'm sure you'll do GREAT!! Take care.....Amanda

oooops, Terry not tracy, sorry Terry.

Hey Girl, If I had a DH, I would want him there definitely. This is major surgery, and not only a physical journey, but an emotional journey as well. I am shocked he would even ask you! In my opinion he should take the day off to be with you... I know that when I come out of anesthesia, I am very emotional *lol* and want my closest friends around me. They say that being under is the closest to death we will ever come without actually dying, maybe thats why I get so emotional, who knows... So to answer your question, NO you aren't being unreasonable, I think he is Love God, Kimanne

Hello, Latzy, I certainly don't think you're over-reacting. Your feelings are very real; just explain to DH how you feel, so that he can understand and perhaps get an inkling of the depth of your feeling. On the other hand, most men do not have the same emotional depth that most women do. My DH judges and governs himself by his accomplishments. If I ask him how was his day, he responds with a litany of what he was able or unable to accomplish, and how much of the day went by before he "made any $". He was raised on a farm, with a very strong work ethic. We've been married 34 years, and it's still very difficult for him to separate and identify feeling, instead of doing. From that standpoint, I know that he would much rather send me into the surgery, go off to his office, and hopefully be back to the recovery room before I wake up. And for me, that would be ok, because while I'm in surgery there will be nothing for him to do except sit in the waiting room and try to read something. When he has had surgery, I sit and wait. I read, I watch the other family groups who are waiting, I go get a snack, I read some more, etc. That works for me -- but because I know how he's wired, I know it would be very difficult for that to work for him. Perhaps that slant on a different perspective will help you understand where he may be coming from, as well. I'll keep both of you in my prayers. And please, as soon as you can, let us know how it has been for you. Thanks for sharing, Susan

You have every right to consider yourself and your feelings about this and let him know what you want and need. For me, I'd rather he stay the first night, especially if not in ICU because I'm afraid the nurses won't pay close enough attention. There is not really a lot he can do while you're in surgery. But how about he goes out for breakfast, takes a break from work and then comes back when you are due out of surgery??? Some people just can't stand the wait and maybe feel helpless to do anything. And you are really in the hands of the medical pros who will have your best interests at heart. I understand how you must feel. Talk to him.

If your hubby is George W... and he's going to stop the war that day is the only excuse he can give you...Hold your gunz girl!!!!

Apparently this is really common for some people. Get dropped off at the hospital, then the significant other just comes back later and picks you up or visits or whatever. I was floored when I heard my in-laws were like that. It's not how it's done in MY family I'll tell you what!! Maybe it's because we understand that any bit of anesthesia is risky and it's necessary to be there if something should happen. Heck, if we had left my husband at the hospital for his last surgery he'd have been in big trouble! He got scared and had a panic attack in the OR and it was cancelled at the last minute. 15 mins after we left him to go to the cafeteria we were being paged back! Is it unreasonable for you to expect he do something silly like, take a sick day or a vacation day? Who's going to be helping you at home while you recover? I do value my job and understand that my responsibilities there are important but when they down-size me or some other such garbage it'll be the family that's left. Not the other way around.