Nervous

I'm getting nervous....everything is coming up so soon!! Derek's surgery is on the 16th and then mine should be shortly after.....wow! I can hardly believe this won't be my body for much longer. Does anyone else have a hard time grasping this all to be a reality? I can't imagine what life is like being smaller.....am I dreaming???? It's just too good to be true...don't ya think? How do you deal with this? I am serious.....I see all these miracles of people losing 100 sometimes 200lbs. and I just can't believe it could happen to me.

As twisted at it might seem, I don't see myself as a big person. I guess you could say that I have been wearing blinders for a long time. When I see a picture of myself, I am honestly shocked. In my dreams, I am as thin as ever. My husband is very kind and has always told me that I don't look like I weight xxx pounds and I am lucky that I carry it well. I think my big issue is the loss of freedom. I am a bit of a control freak. And, this whole thing is turning over of control to my pouch size. I can't change my mind later on. On a side note, we have been talking more openly with the boys about life after surgery. At diner last night, I told them I could only eat tiny amounts. For a visual aid, I pulled out that little one ounce cup they gave us a the nutrition clinic. Their eyes got big and don't think I can live on that little amount of food. Then they listed every food they could think of asking if I could eat it. I said no so many times that it got a little depressing. Hat

That is me too! I don't see myself as a big person until I look at a picture or can't fit into some of my clothes. Some people even tell me that I am not that big. I am only 5'2 so this weight is killing me.

I forgot to mention that I read your profile updates the other day. I am surprised at how quickly you can get your appointments. I swear that it was like pulling teeth to get some of mine. I still have to pick up my proof that I went to a nutritionist and my medical records. My medical records are still not ready. And, they can't say when they will be. It is absolutely amazing to me that it is taking so long. And, this was after they told me on the side that they would fast track me. My personal deadline for having everything ready to submit is next Tuesday. After that, I am going to be a really cranky camper. They won't like me when I am cranky. Anyway, we might be having the surgery at the same time the way your moving. You just better not go before me.

Ok, maybe it's because I am tall.....I have always felt like I am a giant. I feel like I am bigger than anyone else out there. HAT- if you can't get an apointment within 30 days they have to champus you out....when you get champused then you get appointments a LOT sooner. As for your records....make and appointment with your PCP have him print out everything you need proof of pap, dietician, blood work, and so on....they can do it in about 5 minutes. I bug they hell out of everyone until I get what I am there for. I don't put up with these bull**** attitudes that everyone tries to give me....or they'll get it back and it won't be pretty. For my EKG I walked into the Bangor clinic and said I need and EKG and told them what it was for...it took about 3 minutes to set up and 30 seconds to compete and they printed me up a copy of the results and poof I was outta there. I am very impatient....I will call ten different people if I don't like what the last person told me and I will write the time date and name of the person....with Tricare I always get a different answer....with health net services....I sometimes get a variation of answers as well....depends on what kind of day their having. I have been champused for just about everything. If you ever need any help I am willing to make a phone call for ya or just help you out with any info... Rachael

OK just how tall are you?

I'm 5'9 and 3/4 for my BMI they put 5'9