Flailing and asking for support

Hi, my name is Kristina and I got banded April 2010. I don't know why, but I have sabotoged myself since about 8 weeks after the surgery. I could have lost 80 pounds by now, but have only lost 15. One thing I have not done is get connected with any groups or support of any kind. The lap band hasn't failed. It's me that wanted this so badly,   and I have failed to do any of the right things to make it work. Anybody out there want to toss me a line? Start giving me instructions to be obedient to? One day at a time check ins? Something? Every day I do all kinds of things to outrun facing up to this and today I was going to sit and force myself to journal for 5 minutes and decided it would maybe be more effective to tell my truth to other people rather than write it and forget about it.

I don't know what else to say right now, except that I know it's possible that even 60-90 days from now my outlook towards life could be so much better, and using this tool I've been blessed with (lap band) could be showing so much better results.

I have 8.5 in 11 CC band right now and am due for a fill Monday, Jan 10.  I don't even think I should go to that appointmen because I know I haven't done things right from the get-go. I hope I haven't stretched my stomach pouch all out of whack. What a waste of surgery that would be. Please help.

 Hi Krisinta,

Don't be so hard on yourself!  You are not alone.  Ok, you have an awareness of your lack of support and I am a true believer that SUPPORT IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS!  Statistics show that succesful post ops go to a few support group meeting every month and utliize as much virtaul support in between as humanly possible.  
PLEASE don't give up!
Please read this poem that I found a few years ago here on OH, I hope it helps you.
      LIPO (Long Island Post-Ops)
START OVER!
If you've started out in pursuit of your goal
And you've really tried with your heart and your soul,
but somehow things got out of control ---
START OVER.
When you've tried your best to do what you should
And you thought this time that you surely would,
But once again, you didn't do good ---
START OVER.
When you've worked so hard to follow a dieter's way
And you fought to win a victory each day
But one more time you went astray ---
START OVER.
When you've tried so hard to yourself to be true
And do the things that you know you should do
But once again you failed to come through ---
START OVER.
When the road to success seemed much too long
And each temptation was oh so strong
And once again you gave in to wrong ---
START OVER.
When you've told your friends what you planned to do
And trusted them to help you through
But soon discovered it's up to you ---
START OVER.
When you know you must be physically fit,
But your hope seems gone and you're stuck in a pit
That's not the time for you to quit ---
START OVER.
When the week seems long and successes few
And at weigh-in time you're feeling blue
Remember tomorrow is just for you ---
START OVER.
To start again means a victory's been won
And starting over again means a race well run
And starting over again proves it can be done
So don't just sit there ---
START OVER. 

Hi,

Just wanted to thank you for your reply...my outlook was so gloomy I didn't expect anyone would reply...I'm doing better and am going to make an effort to log on here at least once a day...

Thanks again!!

I absolutely agree with Mary Ellen! With the band you can always start over at any time. First of all I suggest you come on over to the lapband board and post there. We have daily posts on what folks are eating and execise challenges. I find it much easier to stay on track if I journal what I'm eating. Go to your doc appt. that's what he's there for to help you thru this journey, fess up to him and ask if he has any suggestions. Hope to see you on the band board we'd love to try to help you out, believe me you aren'tthe only one in that boat!

Hi Paul,

I didn't think anyone had replied to this because I checked the box for it to notify me if anyone did, and perhaps it went to junkmail? I have been stuck in this frame of mind that I can't show myself to any of you until AFTER I get results...but believed that sharing the process was to ugly or something. It's hard to explain. I suppose one way to put it is that when a person looks at the before/after pics, there's this perception that the change was an EVENT. But when I look at the dates under the pics, I remember that it's a PROCESS.

At any rate, thanks for your reply.

Kristina

Hi there, I work for a Bariatric Program local to you - Our wellness and aftercare is done through Pacific Nutrition & Wellness in Edmonds. There are programs that you can join in for aftercare even if you had surgery elsewhere! Please... go to website www.pacificnutritionwellness.com and check events calendar for free support groups!!! We have a band one in Edmonds, not sure when theyre meeting this month, but we have one in Marysville for all surgeries too! Check it out please and you will find you are NOT alone Kudos to you for putting yourself out there - that is NOT easy!!!!

Thanks Katie. I will make myself go to some meetings locally. I only live a mile or so from NWWLS on 132nd, but had the impression it was an exclusive groups. HOWEVER, I do believe we tend to find what we expect to find, so I will  explore those options you put out there. THANKS!!

You're welcome! Hang in there!!! There are groups everyewhere.... just have to find them!

Thanks Katie! Please do let me know some specific meetings, as I looked on this site last night and it looked like all the upcoming meetings are informational (pre-op, applicant) type meetings. Except for one held the 2nd Thur of each  month, which I already missed. I see a few other people replied to me with specific invitations as well, so I'll try and hook up with them.

Stop and take a breath.

If it were easy for us to diet and lose this weight with will power and discipline, then we wouldn't have needed surgery!

So GO to the next fill, and get to where the band is giving you adequate restriction, which is what you need for help. If you're going to just try and white knuckle it, you wouldn't have tried the band, so try to use it to the best of it's ability, and go through with the fill. Cut yourself some slack, and things should get easier when the band if filled to it's "sweet spot".