My Mom passed away... warning...LONG

Some of you may already know this... since I posted on Facebook a couple of days ago.

Mom was diagnosed with Lung Cancer last summer... and at the time we were told that she would probably have about 1 to 2 years.

What we did not know at the time... my Mom genetics were working against her... my Mom's body was a blood clots manufactoring machine.  We found out she had Cancer because the doctors found blood clots in her lungs... along with the cancer.

While the chemo treatments made her tired ... and confused at times....it did keep the cancer from growing.

On Christmas Eve... we found out that she had a 6 to 8 inch blood clot in her left leg... after a few days in the hospital... and a new anti coagulation drug... we hoped that her body would stop creating blood clots. 

We had a great time on Jan 2 with the whole family celebrating Christmas.

On Wed Jan 6th... My Mom had fallen 3 times within 24 hours... the last time she had shortness of breath and had to go the Emergency room.  We found that we had developed a blood clot in her lung... and within 12 hours she had another one.  To make matters worse... her lungs begining to fill up with fluid. We did not know at the time if the fluid was blood or other fluid... it turned out to be blood.  Because of her blood clotting  and bleeding issues... she could not not have any more anti coagulation drugs.... thus she was sent home from the hospital on Hospice with comfort measures only.

We brought her home she was talking and was still eating... but by the next morning she was non responsive and the hospice nurse said that she was in pain... so we started to give her morphine and lorazpam to keep her comfortable. 

Last Wednesday, my brother and I spent all night with her... I can tell you it was hard to hear her struggle to breathe.  By Thurs morning... her breathing seemed better... her husband woke up about 8:15 am... and went over and held held her hand...told her he loved her... and within 20 she passed away.  Thankfully the whole family was with her.

My eating has been a bit crazy this past week.... thankfully I am home now.  I had my husband take away all of his sugary and other non weight loss  friendly foods out of the house.  I am going back to basics... protein first, veggies next and only complex carbohydrates.  Drinking at least 64 oz of water.  I know that I am really at risk to go back to my old ways of eating... so I making the committment to going back to writing down my food... and also looking into getting into some grief therapy.

I have not lost all this weight to gain it all back!!!!  My Mom was very proud of my weight loss.

Thank you to everyone here...

Helen

Helen,
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. My prayers are with you and your loved ones during this difficult time. I'm glad you got to be with your Mom during her last moments, and I'm sure you'll carry her with you in your heart. Continued success to you as you remained focus on your healthy eating and continued success.

Helen

I am so sad to hear about your mom.  I pray that God will wrap his loving arms around you and your family during this time and give you the strength and comfort you need.

Just remember that yes your mom was very proud of your weight loss,  but she was also very proud of YOU! 

Hey Helen,

I have been worried about you.  I heard your mom was ill, I am so sorry she passed.  I am confident she is in a better place.  Take very good care of yourself!  If you need anything let me know.  I miss you and am thinking about you everyday. 

Love, Emily

Helen,
    My deepest condolencses, thoughts, and prayers. Very sorry for your loss. We just lost my DH's mother on the 15th. Mom's, I truly believe, are always watching over us!

Take care,
Hugs,
Kathy

Helen, My deepest sympathy to you and your family.My Dad pretty much had gone the same path as your Mom. It gets to a point that you feel helpless because there is nothing to stop the illness.... preparedness is all there is to do. Be strong.... My Mom is 94 so... I need to prepare myself one more time in the future.     Steve

Helen , I did see the post on FB & responded . I feel so bad for you . I lost my Mom 4-08-09 to Emphasema . My Mom was very sick all last winter & never got better . She also was on blood thinners & fell many times . After her 4th hospitalization in less than 4 months I (being her Power of Attorney) had to make the decision to allow her to peacefully pass . It wasn't a quick process & i'm dealing with a whole myriad of feelings . After many years of illness & a quality of life that was poor , she is at peace at last . I will eventually come to terms with my feelings . But , I will always miss  her . My Mom too , was my biggest cheerleader . I think Grief therapy is a great idea , Helen . you're in my thoughts .

PS - don't let people tell you what is a "normal" amount of time to grieve &/or tell you "it's time to move on with life" . There is no book with a magic number on normalcy where grieving is concerned . We are all different & no one knows how you are feeling , except you . After only 9 months , I have actually had a couple of people say these things to me . And I have not been wallowing in self pity at all . People can be very strange & judgmental . Kathy

Kathy...

Thank you for your kind advise.... I can definately can relate to the "peace at last" .  My Mom has not been herself this past year.. and the cancer diagnosis accellerated her Anxiety disorder.  It was hard to see my Mom live in a state of confusion and anxiety.  I am gratefull that I was able to be with her at the end. And was availible to come and help her when she had her panic attacks.

My food today has been the best its been in weeks... I am SO thankful... I am so worried that I am going to eat my way through my grief.  I called the King County Grief center today... and they are mailing me some info about grief counciling and support groups.

My mom was one of my cheerleaders... I know she is looking down on me wanting me to stay successful!

Helen

Any time you need a shoulder , know that I understand . I was with my Mom when she passed . It is not something that I ever thought I could do . But , When it's your Mom , somehow you find the strength .

I have at times turned to food in my grief . Old habits creap back in . I try to have lots of fresh fruit , lunchmeat & cheese available . I've eaten 2 oranges this evening . But , that's better than a lot of things I could have eaten & have . It's a challenge , but one i'm tough enough to keep a handle on . I'm confindent you are too .

Helen:

I am so sorry to hear the passing of your Mom. You have always been here for us and now we are here for you to provide prayers, support, and encouragement.

Queenie