How did you handle changes in relationships? (semi-rant)

I am having RNY on 12/30/08! As I am becoming more and more comfortable with telling my friends and associates about my upcoming surgery, I am also encountering some odd reactions. I've always had plus size friends who I've spent the majority of my time with. We've had fun shopping, going out on the town, and "livin large" so to speak, but those relationships specifically are changing. I've lost almost 40lbs since I started this journey and one of my closest friends seems to have trouble with this, and the fact that I am going to be rapidly losing post-op. She readily admits that she is jealous of my RNY, which I guess I can appreciate her honesty. BUT, she's gone and started a new weight loss program and is acting like we are in a competition now! I want to be able to share my weight loss successes with her, but I don't want to feel like I'm being "one upped" every time we talk. This is beyond irritating! I don't know what to do. Should I keep my weight loss success to myself? I am just so excited that I'd think everyone would be happy that I am doing this for ME to change my life... apparently that is too much to ask? Even my sister the other day said she is going to go get a tummy tuck so she can "be skinny too"  and I feel like just screaming at her! She has always been the "skinny sister," but it seems as if the threat to the thrown has sent her on this mid-life crisis path to prove she's still got it. Whatever. I had yet another plus sized friend ask me if I was going to "forget all of my fat friends once I got skinny." What? And then another jokingly asked me if I was going to become one of those "skinny gym rat B's" ... LOL does this even happen to people?
ANYWAY... I'm just wondering how all of you handled your changes in relationships post-op. Have you heard of anyone morphing into a neurotic skinny hoochie post-op? I try to calm everyone's nerves down about what I'll be like post-op, but I don't even know what life has in store for me. HELP!

I am sorry you are experiencing this at a time when you are so excited and needing your friends the most.  Alls I can say is if it were me I would be very hurt, but those friends whom are your real friends will be there for you regardless.  Maybe you should say something to them that it bothers you that they are making these comments.  Not sure if I could confront anyone like that, but in an ideal world:)

Good luck to you!  I didn't have RNY, but had lap and can understand what you are going through.

My prayers will be with you on your big day!

It is sad this is happening to you...

I only had one friend *****ally was not supportive...  she told a mutual friend "why is Helen even coming to this party.... she won't be able to eat anything?"  .... and at the party it made her crazy that I was the center of attention (my 15 minutes of glory... ;)  ) 

I was surprized by the reaction on another one of my plus size friend who I thought would be very unsupportive... since she is a firm believer of NO Dieting.... but she has been very supportive!

For me... I now know who my true friends are.... the ones who loved me fat, unhealthy and unhappy to thinner, healthier and happier me.  These are also the friends who help me through the hard time during this life changing process....

Helen

I think Helen is right ... you will find out through your journey who your true friends and supporters are. However, I would extend a bit of grace to your other friends/family members who seem to be struggling with their own insecurities as they watch you transform. Try not to focus on their seeming to want to "compete" with your success. Yes, we will all want to be praised and noticed during the process, and we may know some people who are used to having that attention on themselves. Extend grace to those who will need it for the time being, and just focus on doing this for yourself.

I have found it helpful to look back on a letter I wrote to myself pre-surgery about why I was doing this, how I hoped my life would change, and a few goals of what I thought I would be able to do that I couldn't do at 300 pounds. I even reminded myself of a few embarrassing episodes of what my life was like at that weight, because we all have those stories to tell (things you think you'll never forget, but that do fade over time). I wrote another letter to myself on my 1-year surgiversary. It may seem corny to some, but I have found it therapeutic to look back to where I was and analyze why I thought I'd be where I am today and where I'll be in another year or six months or whatever timeframe you choose. Does that make sense?

Congratulations on your decision. I am wishing you the best!

Thanks everyone for your replies and support. One thing that is great about this board is that I know that others are supportive and can relate. 

I don't doubt that my friends are my true friends- I just think their insecurities are getting the best of them, and irritating me LOL! I've realized that I won't go around tooting my success on a megaphone to those 2 people unless they specifically ask how I'm doing. What's even more wonderful, is that 98% of my friends, associates, and colleagues are SO excited for me and can't wait to hear how I'm doing! Most of those friends have already offered to help me post-op with entertainment and things to do during my time off from work, which is so sweet! I appreciate them so much! I'll have to shift my "megaphone" in their direction when it comes to celebrating!

Thanks again everyone for your feedback.

Good luck in 2 days....... your lucky, all of my plus size friends were haters to begin with.... I got alot of guy/girl attention when we went out. All positive and they all left when I started dating my hubs. Please dont let there negativity affect how you feel , going into surgery. I was happy as Hell going in. Knowing that I will drop at least 100lbs by summer time. Look out world. Sexy Sunny is back. lol.

Good luck on Tuesday.

Sunny

It's tough . One of my two best friends couldn't handle it . We're no longer close . Some people have been great & some just ignore the whole thing . Losing one of my 2 best friends was heartbreaking . It's a sad reality , that happens to too many of us . I have also been surprised by the people who have been the most supportive . My sister who i'm not that close to , is very heavy & negative . She's been great . It's all an adventure . Some bad , most good .

Like others have said, Your real friends will be there for you! It won't take long for you to figure it out . Join a support group and make some new friends and take the old friends on your journey!
Hang in there things will be so much better! Merrilou

Tomorrow is your day right?  Just go in there knowing that you are continuing this marvelous journey and have plenty of support here.  Keep on Keeping on.  I am just in awe of all of you who are about to have surgery and who have had surgery.  What a life changing moment.  Hurray for you. 
If there is anything you need, let me know, I think you have my number.
Connie

Don't sweat the small stuff...this is your time and journey...if they want to enjoy the ride with youthey will, if not their loss.  It will all work out in the end.  best of luck to you tomorrow and the rest of your journey.   Making room for you on the bench....