Coming out at work...

Hey everyone,
Since I've gotten my surgery date, I've been thinking more and more of how I'm going to handle "coming out" at work about having surgery. 2008 is the first year that our employer sponsored insurance covers WLS, and there are quite a few people who have negative things to say about it being the "easy way out" or just saying some terribly rude, insensitive things about surgery. One individual who is particularly negative about it is my boss. Go figure, she is an overweight woman herself, so you'd think whatever someone else tried to do to improve their health, she'd be supportive of... but NO. One of my co-workers had WLS in March of this year and she looks phenomenal... but everytime my boss talks to her, she always has something negative to say... like "You are losing too much weight!" or "You're not still losing weight, are you?" or "You are starting to get really skinny," and while these statements might sound neutral as you read them, the tone she says it with is less than supportive.

So the problem is this. I don't plan on telling the whole office of 200 cackling ladies, but I need to submit a leave slip for my 2 weeks of medical leave post-op, but I don't know how to handle her. And yes, I realize that after 2 weeks off and after a month or two, everyone will catch on... but the last thing I need is to be badgered every 2 seconds about my decision to change my life for the better. I'm sick of the negativity already.

Any help would be great... thanks!

If you don't feel comfortable telling them, then don't. Just tell your boss you have to have a medical procedure, and you'd rather not go into details about it. And you don't have to. There is no requirement that they can make you tell them what you're having done. I certainly wouldn't want to say anything in that kind of environment!

Jcheryld...

I agree with Annie... just tell your boss that you are having a procedure and need 2 weeks off.  Then after a couple of months ... you can begin to share with people who will be supportive of you.

Can you eat and/or drink at your desk?  I am so gratefull I can.. because it's hard to eat your meals just at lunch or breaks.  Especially in the begining. 

Helen

I had a similar situation. I didn't want to tell the gossipy women in my office all of my business. So I just kept my upcoming time off secret. Also, when I spoke to my HR department about the time off they were VERY clear to me that I didn't need to tell my boss anything. All they need to know is that you are going to be out for medical reasons. It's against HR policies for your boss to ask you any specifics. Even the HR department didn't need to know. My surgeon didn't write what the procedure was on my FMLA paperwork. So that should take care of your negative boss.
As far as co-workers, I'm almost a year out and I've only told about 3 people in my office. No one else actually knows that I had the surgery. I'm sure some suspect, but only one person came out and asked me if I had had the surgery. People still approach me asking how I am losing, but I just say, "oh, hard work", or "getting in that protein!" and I quickly change the subject or keep walking. I knew that if I heard any negative comments in the beginning that I was a ticking time bomb and might go off on someone.lol. Now, I feel better about it and would probably be open to telling people if they ask, but it's your business. No one needs to know.
Oh, and you can always fall back on the excuse that'll shut everyone up, "I'm on the new crack and anorexia diet!"haha

Your Friends will support you! But I agree Mum is the word,you don't need Rude people just smile and enjoy the new you! Merrilou

I worked full time as a union representative for about six years, and handled tons of FMLA issues for the 450+ folks I represented. The medical department of your company (or the HR department, if you have no medical department) has a legal right to know what your medical condition/cir****tances are, but they are bound by HIPAA laws not to discuss it with anyone, even others within the company. Be sure to remind them of that when you turn your paperwork in... tell them you consider this information extremely confidential, and that your expectation is that your cir****tances will not be discussed outside of the circle of you, your doctor and the one company representative. Drop the "HIPAA" word, and don't be afraid to print some info off the internet just to let them know that YOU know what your rights are.

The FMLA paperwork itself has a couple different parts - one that deals with your medical condition and/or procedure, and the other that deals with your time off work. They shouldn't be filed together. My company was huge. We'd turn the medical portion of the paperwork into the medical department, and the "time off" portion of the paperwork directly to HR. The two never crossed paths, unless the HR department had questions about the validity. They'd call medical ... ask if this amount of time off work was reasonable for the condition, and the medical department could only comment on that one aspect:. "Yes, it's justified," or "I think I'll give the employee's doctor a call, because it seems out of line, somehow."

But none of this even begins to matter unless you qualify for FMLA. Your company needs to employ more than 50 individuals, and you need to have worked there for at least a year, and have worked at least 1250 hours in the last year. If even one of these criteria fail, then you don't qualify for FMLA. I'm very happy to talk to you more about FMLA, if you'd like. Just drop me a PM.

I'm sorry you work in an environment that isn't 100% supportive. I worry about that at my work, too, because there are a handful of people that have lost 100 pounds or more on their own. One of them is a very good friend of mine.

What if you were to tell a couple of trusted friends what was happening, and then have them spread the news once you're gone? The gossips will have two weeks to flap their negativity around and you won't be there to see it. I'm guessing two thirds of the nastiness will be history by the time you return ... and by then you'll be smiling ear to ear, and nothing will break your spirit! And think about a standard line that you can offer anyone who dares to approach you with a negative comment. Practice saying it, so it trips comfortably off your tongue at a moment's notice. "I thought very carefully about this, and it was the right decision for me and my particular cir****tances" ... something like that. Something that tells them that it wasn't a quick or thoughtless decision, and that everyone's cir****tances are different.

Then kill them with kindness and say, "wow ... it blows me away that you care so much about what's going on with me. Thank you for that!"

Good luck to you, and let me know if I can help you navigate your FMLA stuff.

- Kathy

Thanks everyone for your advice! I'll let you all know how things go

Well, that was a big freak out for nothing. I told my boss I needed 2 weeks off for surgery... she asked me if things were OK, and then approved my leave. Thank God those were all the questions I got.
We just planned out holiday parties at work... and I'll be on my pre-op diet during that time.

LOL  Have fun at the parties, at least your company is still having them.  Remember they are for having down time and socalizing, good practice for the rest of your life.

Glad things went better than expected at work.  Be prepared though, when you start losing a bunch of weight people might think you are sick.  Several people I work with thought I had cancer or something.   ( And I told several people that I had WLS surgery)  I guess gossip didn't make it to all areas. lol

my 2 cents, there is a thing called HIPPA, basically your private health information is confidental and you do not need to tell your boss what your leave is for (I assume you will be using FMLA), you only need your doctor to fill out the paper work and you (not your boss) or your doctor fax it into you HR.
Be funny and dont say a word, then will people start asking tell them "OK, this is a secret, dont tell anyone but In order to lose weight i started smoking crack"...jk But seriously i might use that line on some people at work.