Need advice from moms ( or not moms)

My daughter went to a chinese restaurant and got a fortune which says, "If you wish good advice, consult your mother."  She sent it to me in the mail (even though we live 20 minutes apart) with a note that said, "Shower me with good advice!"  I decided to send a letter back with a typed list of good advice.  Of course when I sat down to think of some, my mind went blank.  So I decided to come to my OH friends for some good liners.  The only 2 I've come up with so far are:  Wash your hands before you eat and Always wear clean underwear.  My daughter has a great sense of humor.  Can you help me think of some great one liners?  The crazier the better!

Thanks!

Always eat your dessert first!

Oooooo......  that's a good one.  Thanks.

Alwaye eat your dessert first!

DO AS I SAY NOT WHAT I DO........KIDS OVER IN CHINA WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THAT FOOD UR WASTING........APPLE A DAY KEPTS THS DOCTOR AWAY.......THE GRASS ISNT'T AWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE.......IF UR FRIENDS JUMPED OFF THE BRIDGE WOULD YOU JUMP TOOO.......I WASNT BORN YESTERDAY........ITS LIKE RIDING A BIKE......U JUST GET BACK ON.....lol   just a few of my mothers saying........oh yell    I"D RATHER LIVE WITH A THEFT THAN A LIER......CAUSE I CAN ALWAYS HIDE MY MONEY  BUT A LIER U NEVER KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE.....something like that........

OK - I can't take credit for these, but found them on the web.  Some are definitely ones I've been known to use or have heard from my own mother!!  Pick and choose the ones you might like.  I love your idea!!

• Money does not grow on trees.
• Don't make that face or it'll freeze in that position.
• If I talked to my mother like you talk to me....
• Always change your underwear; you never know when you'll have an accident.
• Be careful or you'll put your eye out.
• What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?
• You have enough dirt behind those ears to grow potatoes!
• Close that door! Were you born in a barn?
• If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
• Don't put that in your mouth; you don't know where it's been!
• Be careful what you wish for, it might come true.
• Don't eat those, they will stunt your growth.
• If you don't eat those, you will stunt your growth.
• What's meant to be, is meant to be. (Mom only used this when something bad happened or when you experienced a disappointment.)
• It doesn't matter what you accomplish, I'll always be proud of you.
• I hope that when you grow up, you have kids "Just Like you"! (Also known as the "Mother's Curse")
• Because I'm your mother that's why.
• This is why we can't have nice things.
• If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times.
• Eat your vegetables, those children in China (Africa, Vietnam) would be happy to have some broccoli to eat! (Contributed by Sheryl McDermott)
• If you fall out of that tree and break you leg , don't come running to me.
• "Cheer up, the worst is yet to come." Usually said in advance of grounding.
• Someday your face is going to stick like that. (Contributed by Karen G in AL)
• Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. (Contributed by Karen G in AL)
• Yes, I *AM* the boss of you.
• (Contributed by Karen G in AL)
• Because I said so. (Contributed by Karen G in AL)
• Just wait till your father gets home. (Contributed by Sandra Stofan)
• No dessert till you clean off your plate.
• (Contributed by Sandra Stofan)
• I brought you into this world and I can take you OUT !!
• (Mostly said after one of us 5 had done something really bad. Contributed by Marcie in Indiana)
• I've got eyes in the back of my head, that's how
• Get that thing out of your mouth! (or nose)
• Just you wait until you have kids of your own - then you'll understand
• You tell that bully to cut it out or you'll tell the teacher...
• I slave for hours over a hot stove and this is the thanks I get?!
• Honestly... You'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on!
• Honestly, that cardigan looks great on you - the girls had better watch out with you around!
• Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
• Who'll end up walking, bathing and feeding it...?

You found a good list!  I searched online but I must not have typed in the right words to search cuz I couldn't find any good sayings!  I'll let you know what she thinks of my/our list.