divorce

i just had my surgery in june- i went a little nuts- which i guess many people do- i was smoking drinking and fuc&**- and not my husband- now he want a divorce- and i dont blame him- although now that i am 2 months out- i am feeling stbale- on my meds- not smoking- not screwing around and i just want my family back-i am pretty distraught- i havent acted that way since i was in my teens- and it confuses me as much as it confuses my family-  today i am doing everything i can- i re-entered 12 step recovery- wearing a nicotine patch and have emptied my phone of every bad influence i know-  i guess i want to hear other experiences- please dont preach at me i am fully aware of what i have done and feel like crap aboput it so i dont need more shaming- i am looking for experiences and what others have done in this situation

Well, I think a lot of people have gone through similar situations. I just had my surgery in July and I am having some of those same feelings, although I wouldn't act on them at this point in my life because I have a wonderful husband and kids at home. - that doesn't mean that I don't fantasize about running off with someone else or just letting go and partying. We are getting new bodies and a new self-image comes with it. It's kind of like, wow, can I start my life over with this body and see what happens? Although I know I could never find a better man than my hubby, maybe I could find someone sexier and more exciting. But would that make me happy in the long run? Also, I know the partying gets old fast. Don't be hard on yourself. Hopefully your husband will consider marriage counseling. If not, do what is right for you. I would suggest counseling along with the 12 step thing. Good luck and let us know how you are doing. Robin

I'll be honest.. I just dont get it.  I hear about it often.. (im a size 14 now) .. But i dont get the leaving the family kinda thing.  I think your true self shows itself.  Maybe you were just hiding your true self with your fat.   I know who i am deep down.  I like who i am deep down.   I have strong faith, etc.  Hope you find what your looking for..  Especially if it cost you the person who stuck with you through obesity. (THATS whats rare) Suzanne

Since you responded to my message and not the original, I will respond back. I think no matter what size anyone is, if there has never been a day when they have thought about what it would be like to just be selfish and not be a mom, wife, co-worker, whatever then maybe they are not being totally honest. This doesn't mean that they would act on that, I think everyone has those days, though. And sometimes being fat has kept people in relationships and situations that aren't the best because they felt they didn't deserve better. Maybe the original poster felt this way, or maybe she just needed to get something out of her system. I don't think that has anything to do with liking yourself or not. Maybe its just about finding out who you are and what you want from life. And just because he stuck with her through obesity does not mean he was supportive and accepting and loving.

i am in marriage and private counseling fulltime- i went off my meds because i couldnt swallow the pills and thats where things got hinkey-i started self medicating-which lead to bad choices-  my husband is very loving and supporting and has been all these years- but i have been alone much of the time with the kids while he is at poker tournaments and full time school and practicum- i strted to feel like i was just a tool for domesticity and sexual plaeasure- he didnt want the divorce till i laid hands on another man- which was a drunken mistake and i have never acted that way in the past-

Hi there;   It's been awhile since I've been here, I'm five years post now, but I can address your request for 'other experiences' as I'm actively exploring all the repurcussions WLS is having on my life. I don't know you personally, but I do know that a GREAT majority of us who became morbidly obese in the first place did so not because we were 'lazy, sloppy, stupid, or less worthy'.  We ate because food is/was an addiction, something we used to cover up or stuff down emotions from earlier emotional traumas in our life.  For me it was an abusive upbringing AND biological depression.  Once the weight started coming off and I physically COULDN'T use food, I turned to my pain meds.  Some people turn to promiscuity, alcohol, shopping, or gambling.  Heck, any behavior can be an addictive one, even using religion to the extreme, or collecting things.  The point is we go through life substituting, and not thinking there's something larger at play.    I'm going through counseling and I know it's a long road.   I'm just telling you this because most of us don't examine our emotional selves, or still think having emotional issues is a sign of weakness.  Is having a broken arm a sign of weakness??  No.  Same thing.      Emotions are powerful motivators, even ones that want to stay hidden.  I wish you all the luck in quitting smoking (I did that once, too) and on your marriage.  If your husband really loves you and wants to help maybe you can explain this to him, that the surgery often brings out these behaviors (It's VERY common) because our minds don't want to face the things that hurt us.  Even though our destructive behavior patterns can hurt us more.      I'm not preaching, I'm offering my support.     BTW I lived in Spokane for 7 years,  I miss the changing seasons now that I'm back on the 'west side'.  :-)   Good luck to you and your family. 

thank you thank you thank you

((( you're welcome. )))    This is a difficult process that we are all undertaking.  Some of us sail through because, fortunately, it really IS just about taking off weight.  The lucky  ones grew up in loving families, have lots of support and understanding, and rediscover their life.   I think that is the end result goal we ALL want.      This site is great because it brings us all to one place where we can exchange what we know and help each other through the hard patches.  Sometimes the hardest part is just asking for help.     I for one, am glad you all are here.

I'm sorry not to have been on the mb much lately and missed seeing this before now.  You won't get any preaching from me.  It isn't my place to judge you.  I think we were all put here on this earth just to get along and love each other.  Very prissy attitude but think how much kinder the world would be if there were more silly prissy's around.  Can't relate any experiences that would be of help to you, just offering support and hoping that things will eventually get better for you and your whole family. Molly