Am I crazy or responsible?

My surgery is August 2. I am a single Mom with a 14 year old son. I know I will make it through surgery fine, but it is a major operation and there is always a risk. My son is of course my most valuable thing in the world and I need to make sure no matter what he is ok and taken care of. I called his father (He knows I am having the surgery) and said " I know I will be fine but if anything happens will you let our son make his decision about who he lives with?" ( My parents have helped me raise him.) His Dad refused to have the conversation with me and said "You'll be fine" I asked him to understand I needed to have this conversation and not be upset with me. He said " Im not talking to you about this!" and hung up. Of course I was left in a heap of tears. My son said that he just cares about me still and said I freaked him out about death. I felt like I was being responsible and just wanted to share my wishes with him. We have a good relationship and he get's along with my family well so he was not upset that my son would live with my parents, he would never fight that. So am I crazy for having the conversation or am I being responsible?

I'm no lawyer - so you may want to check with one...  I intend to.... but it is my UNDERSTANDING that a minor of 13 or older can speak to the court on his own to help determine who will have custody. In my case my ex has not taken visitation since my son was 8.  His dad lives 20 minutes away.  If something happened to me my current husband, my sister and my parents would fight for custody against my ex and I know that my son would ask the court to stay with his stepdad and family that he knows.

I don't have any comments on legalities of all this but from an emotional aspect you definitely don't sound crazy.  Why isn't it responsible to be thinking of all the different things that can occur with a major undertaking like surgery, even if the worst-case-scenario isn't a very high probability?  I'd be worried about a person taking on wls who doesn't have these fears...maybe they really don't understand the serious nature of this life-changing decision we're all making.   You love your son and family and are concerned for his well-being and their relationships.  That can't be irresponsible and I think your son's dad was just reacting out of a knee-jerk fear.  He must not be very informed about the wide range of emotions that is typical before these types of surgeries and maybe your serious comments really shook him.  Some people just don't handle those kinds of situations well.  I'm sorry it got you so upset.  You have so much to deal with right now and certainly his reaction was no help.  At least you were good enough to open up this discussion with him even if he wasn't ready to have it. Hang in there! Molly

Responsible.

Some ppl cannot discuss death. At all. Makes them feel too fragile/vulnerable.

I'm behind you all the way. IOU a hug anyway, from the meetings I missed with you!

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Just a small bump in the road to success. Im sure my state of crying was part of the clear liquid diet. I've had 1 or 2 emotional outburst.  Michelle-Looking forward to see you soon! Missed you while you were gone! Liz