HELP...WLS and Marriage Problems

Has anyone from the area, or any place for that fact, had WLS and then their husband gone out and cheated???? I know recovery is a little slow. Maybe quicker for some??? But OMG I had surgery in March 06, got married in Oct 05, and he cheated for sure in Dec 06??? That is a huge hit to my self esteem again. I don't get it. I am so depressed, and sad and HURT!!!! Do I go out and get even???? I know I can, because I have been told I look so good, by everyone BUT my husband,, he hates the way I look.......or is he jealous??????? The woman he slept with weighed in at 320 when their daughter was born,,,,,,,she had this surgery, some time ago...not sure when but she told me she did.......now she wants to meet me..........HELP...I don't know what to do. My new DR says I need counseling......which I probably do....my last marriage was NOTHING like this one. My husband passed away 10 years ago and I waited all that time to meet and marry........why someone that is a player?? Did I get desperate, seeing my years going by???????? God I don't know~

Patricia, First of all I want to send you big hugs! I really don't have any advice for you other than you should think about getting out of this relationship. If he cheated on you once, he WILL do it again. It sounds to me like he has no respect for you whatsoever. If he was willing to throw his vows out the window, then he isn't worth it. I am sorry you are going through this. I know what it's like to be cheated on. Only everyone else knew about it and didn't tell me. I didn't find out until the relationship ended. Have you sat him down and asked him what he wants to do? Does he want to stay married and keep cheating on you? Or is he willing to go to counseling to fix this? I would say if he doesn't want to talk or try counseling that it's pretty much over at this point. Maybe you should tell him that. Either he steps up to the plate, or you're done. Please keep us posted as to what you do. And how you are doing. I am worried about you! Take care, Lori

Patricia, I agree 100% with Lori. You have come too far to allow this to bring you down. I too fell once a cheater is always a cheater. You are beautiful and don't let him hold you back. I don't belive in two wrongs make a right (you cheating as well) but I do believe you should leave him and start a new life for yourself maybe he just isn't your Mr. Right. Don't sell yourself short and stay with him if he isn't going to work on the marriage or if you can't trust him. I wish you the best of luck but only you know what's right for you. Susan

My sincerest apologies for waht you're going through, Patricia. A cheater cheats because of their own insecurities, not because of their mate. Don't blame yourself. What you have to decide is what you're willing to put up with. Life is too short and too precious to waste it one someone who can't give you what you want or need. As for meeting her, I can't imagine what sick game that is!! I wouldn't play it myself. Sounds like she wants to maybe gloat? Does he know that you know? Does she? Take care and know that we're here pulling for you. Let us know how you're doing. Many hugs, Carol

Patricia, First of all put your arms around you and squeeze. That's a big hug from me. I'm so sorry for what you're going thru. It is not your fault. Guys like he seems to be have been doing cheating for a long time and will never change. Seems they seek out the vulnerable and use them. There are great guys out there, so don't let this one spoil your outlook on men and marriage. You have done things to improve yourself and self esteem. Don't let a jerk tear that down. Hold your head up, see a lawyer and get him out of your life. It will be hard, but you'll be grateful later. Since it hasn't been a long term marriage, hopefully the court system will go more your way so he doesn't get a thing but what he brought into marriage. Please do see a counsler, they really help and can make you stronger to deal with this. And please don't meet this other person. She wants to gloat and you don't need that right now. Keep in touch and know others care and are here to help. Take care, Kathy

I am so, so sorry this is happening to you. Big hugs and prayers coming your way. I was married to a cheater too - he called me fat, stupid and ugly. Finally, I got enough guts to divorce him. Best thing I ever did. Waited 14 years to remarry and got lucky with a great guy. In your case the cheating seems to be so open - I agree with your new doctor that you need a counselor. They can help you work out the problems and make a frame for making decisions. You are gorgeous and you certainly don't need to be brought down like this. No woman has to put up with this - I agree with the others that once a cheater always a cheater. Look out for yourself - don't let your ego get in your way - sometimes I think we can be better off without a man. I see perfectly happy single women every day. By the way I'm 70 and have been around the track a few times. Please get some help and don't let this situation drag on. Rudie2

I feel so sorry for you, but I can relate. I had WLS about almost 5 years ago, and I found out that my ex-husband cheated on me before and during my surgery, and then when I got thin he wanted to make things better. Needless to say, there was no hope. The person he cheated with was my neice who was underage. He is now incarcerated and I am remarried to a wonderful man and I am a size 12, from a size 26. Hun, please do what is best for your self esteem and kick him to the curb. You deserve better! I wish you the best and feel free to email me with any questions or if you just want to talk. My email is [email protected]. I am in Yakima. Good Luck