It's official.... I'm a MESS!!!!

This one's gonna be lengthy, so bare with me... Anyone who knows me on a personal level knows for years now I've wanted another baby. After DH got back from his 2nd deployment in December, we started trying for one, and as of yet have been unsuccessful. Well, a couple days ago, I was playing in the mirror and I noticed a buldge in my abdomen, and i started playing with my loose skin to try to see it better, and me and DH both got all excited immediately. It looked like I was 6 or 7 months along. I booked an immediate appointment and the dr. was convinced and told me he was definate that I was, with my period being late, morning sickness symptoms, the whole shebang, so again, me and DH are estatic. I did a blood test which turned out bumkis. Immediate devistation. So I scheduled another appointment with a different doctor, because now I was freaking about the bulge in my belly. He proceeds to tell me its all in my head, and made me cry because of the way he was speaking to me, I was so angry i was speachless and all i could do was cry. He looks at me as I am beginning to tear up and says, oh you're not gonna cry are you, hang me a kleenex and walks outta the room. You could imagine my fury. I ran out of there and DH saw how upset I was and when i told him he was furious as well. He took me to the ER where someone actually acted like they cared about what was going on, ran tests and found out what was wrong with me... it seems my bowels are not working properly and bile has backed up so far that my stomach is rejecting food. He sends me home with a serious laxative and said if my period doesnt show within 2 weeks to come back and have another blood test done, that I could be so early on that it didn't pick it up the first time. I called my PCP and asked him to go ahead and put my refferal in for my plastics. The way I see it, if i'm not pregnant I can start with the skin removal stuff, and if I am then I can at least be on a waiting list so I don't have to wait forever. I am seriously having a problem with depression right now, because everyone around me either is pregnant or just had a baby within the last 6 months. I get so upset that i refuse to go to the BX because I always end up sitting in the car waiting for DH, while he's shopping, I'm crying my eyes out. I dont understand why everyone else gets to have the 1 thing i want more than anything else and why i keep getting slapped in the face with it. For example, my next door neighbor and i because very close friends when i moved in here. They had no plans of getting pregnant, all they were worried about was getting out of the army. I confided in her about the baby situation, and she decides she wants one too. Apparently she is one of those people who can not think for themselves, they have to do what everyone else is doing. Anyways, she has been on birth control 6 years!! She's off of it 2 weeks and immediately gets pregnant, and since she is so competative with everything and everything has to be a contest to see if she wins, she comes running into my house announcing she was pregnant and how she beat me to it, so on and so forth. Needless to say I was crushed, ran into my bedroom slammed the door and have not spoken to her since. My mom keeps telling me I dont need another kid. Ok, I dont care if I "need" another kid, i WANT another kid, and why does she keep telling me this anyways. Some people are so insensitive, they just dont get it. Nobody told her that when she was having all of her kids, so why tell me. I have 1 child, a beautiful 4 1/2 yr old red headed daughter, and it's hard for me to see her by herself all the time. She needs playmates. She needs someone other than momma and daddy to play with. When we take her to the park, she doesnt play with the other kids, she plays by herself. But if kids come to the house, she cries when they have to go home. You see the mess I am in over here??? So, anyways, that's the update on my life... hopefully next time I will have more exciting news. Thanks for listening. I actually feel better lol

Hi There- This just struck a chord with me and I wanted to respond to you. While I don't know quite what you are going through, as a mother I can sympathize. I have two children, that are teenagers and just recently had surgery to remove my uterine lining which while taking away my month period also takes away my ability to have children. I know how it feels when you want a child and everyone around you seems to be pregnant but you. It's a very helpless feeling. It sounds like you have a very big heart, and perhaps god has another plan for you. I know it probably doesn't feel too reassuring right now, but believe me, it will work out for you.

First of all (((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))) Secondly, I know what you're going through to an extent. We started trying to have a 2nd chlid when my (now 13-year-old) daughter was two. We did absolutely everything from herbs to all the different positions to changing hubby's underwear (some said tighty-whities, some said boxers) to the temperature taking - you name it we tried it. I, also like you, saw everyone in the world getting pregnant from celebrities to people in my church and darn-it if everyone at the grocery wasn't pregnant - EVEN THE MEN! Okay, just trying to make you a little. At the time I worked in the medical field so if I was even 24 hours late, I gave myself a pg test - they always came up negative. I went through the depression, the anger, the frustration, the insensitivities "If/When God wants you to have another one it will happen..." and everything else I'm sure you have heard ad nauseum. I finally got to the point where I didn't want one anymore. I said, "Screw it!" I'll just be happy and content with my daughter and be done with it. After two years of trying I actually said, "I don't want another one." and wouldn't ya know it - I got pregnant. My son is now 8 and is the light of my life. I'm not telling you to give up, but hopefully giving you a little bit of hope. I hope and pray that it will happen someday for you. I'm not going to tell you it definitely will, because I can't. But don't give up. See the specialists - you're military (I'm Navy) so I don't know Tricare's policies on infertility, etc. but go for it with everything you've got! I'm behind you 150%. Keep us posted! Michelle in WA

I agree with Michelle's post. Sometimes just stepping back from it all and not worrying about getting pregnant is the best thing you can do. You are stressing out your body as well as being stressed out mentally. Give your body a rest from the anxiety and anticipation of wanting a baby so badly. You will get pregnant when your body is ready to if a baby is indeed in your future. I pray that someday you will get pregnant. I have two kids myself and don't know what I would do with just one. I hope that you can take what I said in a good way. I don't want to come off as sounding harsh or mean in anyway. I truly do hope you can calm down and relax and wait for things to happen. I am sure your little one see's momma crying and wonders why. She needs you too. And so does your hubby. But most importantly, take care of YOU sweetheart! Take care and lots of love Lori