Whatcha Eating Today, VSGers? Friday, 08/10/18

It is very early! I am staying up all night in order to switch to my over night schedule and will be going to bed in about an hour. Didn't think I would make it since I was pretty exhausted and worn down, but I made it past 4 am at least. It's late enough that I can take my sleeping pill and hopefully manage some rest.

The fight with my mother is over. Had contacted social services, but before anything could really be discussed I had to call paramedics to come and get her. She went completely incoherent, unresponsive, and the state she was in was just so awful. She is currently in the ICU in the hospital and they are trying to prepare my grandma, my sister and myself for her not making it. She is on a ventilator and has massive amounts of infection that has gone septic. At her current state, they are not hopeful it seems. My sister is taking it very hard, my grandmother is an anxious wreck (and understandably so) and I am trying to keep everything else together. This will sound so horrible, but passing on would be the best option. Her quality of life is just gone.

I am glad to be going back to work for the weekend, it will keep me busy, and I have my food planned out.

QOTD: What are you afraid of? Do you have any phobias? Could be simple fear like the dark, or something more subjective.

I'm afraid of Ouija boards. It's funny, I love horror everything. However keep a dang Ouija board away from me! Don't summon your evil spirits with me around, please.

As long as I actually eat everything, my calories are pretty on track for this weekend. I have some open calories, but am still trying to decide which veggie I want to pair with the ground beef, or if I want to just take a babybel with me.

Good morning, Mersh and VSGers. Hopefully you are asleep as I write this. I have been awake since 4 am!!! Ugh. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I hope after you get through all this, your lives are more peaceful and happy. Addiction is a horrible thing (I have family members who have addictions as well).

We are heading to Ogunquit Maine today and to my cousin's lake house on Saturday. I've been on a mission to "live life" this summer - so far, so good.

QOTD: I fear my addicted family member relapsing and the consequences from that, I dislike driving over bridges and I am afraid of bugs and mice even though i am bigger and can kill them.

B: cheerios

L: probably on the road - maybe beach pizza

D: going to an upscale "farm" restaurant. Baked haddock looks good

L/V: should be fine

E: expect some step accumulation but nothing formal

Addiction destroys so much, it's so easy to put trust in everything being better.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. It is okay to feel like your mother passing would be best. I think frequently it is at this point.

The heat/humidity seems to have abated a little here this morning. It was only 70 (vs 80) at 7 am and the air doesn't seem as thick. It is still going to be a warm day regardless. I am going out to lunch with my two longest running friends (twins who shared the same neighborhood growing up and live near me now). Then I am taking DH to a photography exhibition where the photographer is part of the Alzheimer's group. We have seen some of his photographs previously and they really are wonderful, but his wife has to explain where they were taken now as the photographer can't remember. Probably dinner out too as we will be pretty far down the Cape at that point. Oh and I have to finish cleaning my house this morning (fun, fun).

QOTD: I am mostly afraid of what the future will bring with DH. I do have a couple of phobias: Acrophobia (heights) and claustrophobia. I get a little nervous traveling, but I think that is not having control over everything.

2 Years, 4 months post-op (maintaining at goal for 20 months)

Always lots of coffee...

B: eggs, cottage cheese and Canadian bacon

L: Out to lunch - probably seared tuna appetizer

D: Out to dinner - probably crab cakes

S: Siggis yogurt or homemade cottage cheese with fresh berries

I'm sorry, Liz. I can't imagine the worries. You are so strong being there for him.

Mersh I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I hope you are taking care of yourself too!

I am crazy sore from weights on Wednesday. It's the worst DOMS I've had in several years. It's mostly my chest and shoulders although the arms and abs are pretty sore too! I went to yoga yesterday and will go again today. Hopefully that will help.

QOTD: I have always had a fear of being trapped. Any time I get the sense that I can't leave I get overcome with fear. The first time I got on an airplane and they closed the door I had a panic attack. The irony is I now work entirely in prisons and detention centers where I get locked inside. The first couple of months on the job I would be shaking and trying not to cry when the doors/bars would be locked behind me, but now it barely bothers me! Exposure therapy at its finest :)

B - coffee & protein

L - yogurt and almonds

D - shrimp ceviche on a toasted tortilla

E - elliptical and yoga

Happy Friday! I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this Mersh. I hope everything gets less stressful for you very soon. I am still not feeling well. I am starting to think its the lack of sleep. My insomnia is extra bad lately and my body is telling me it needs rest. I don't really know how to shut my brain off at night.

QOTD - I am scared of bridges! Always have been since I was a kid and driving over them I have severe anxiety. I don't know why but my fear is going over the side and then not being able to get out of the car when it hits the water. I must have seen something when I was little.

B - coffee and protein

L - leftover turkey stuffed red pepper

D - chicken alfredo pasta (making a healthier version recipe I found with whole wheat pasta and spinach and alfredo is made with skim milk and parmesan we will see how it goes)

S - Blueberry YQ Yoplait yogurt

E - Leg exercises but taking a rest from any cardio today since not feeling well

Hi, mersh. I wish that your family didn?t have to go through any of this. Your poor grandmother?it?s one of a mother?s worst nightmares that her child succumbs to an addiction. As I?m sure you know, sepsis is hard to come back from?especially for someone who has abused their body so much. It can be guilt inducing to think that death might be a kindness?if she passes, you will probably all feel that on some level. You guys are human and sound like good people who have done all a person can do. It sounds like your mother doesn?t really want to be in this life anymore.

QOTD: sticking to phobias vs actual human fears (like my kids getting hurt, not losing weight on wild, regain, dying with regret)?I don?t really have phobias. I?m not saying I want to swim with gators, hang out at the edge of tall buildings,play with spiders, etc, but I would not freeze with terror or freak out either (okay, I?d freak out inside, but I am usually able to master fear enough to push through) Oh wait, except roaches..if I saw a giant roach in my house, I?d burn it down and start over lol. But mersh, I hear you on ouija boards?I don?t believe in evil spirits or demons, but sort of think that human belief can give bad thoughts and feelings power?why invite that?

I am tired today. I haven?t exercised so much this week and wonder if that?s part of the issue. The smoke from the fires here out west has made the air bad for walking and swimming. I feel guilty to say that I have not hopped on the maxi climber?I know it?s going to be so hard and I?m dreading how being so bad at it is going to make me feel weak. I?m also losing weight at a true snails pace over the last two weeks (even last week, when I exercised a lot)which is ANNOYING. I?m 3lbs from my halfway point (to surgeons goal)and it?s tsking forever. I have a mini vacay next week that involves lots of walking and swimming, and in my ambitious mind I wanted to be at 200 by then. Patience is not my strong suit!

9 weeks out:

B - coffee + fairlife + Isopure zero carb vanilla

L - skyr, maybe a few almonds

D - ?

S - String cheese

The thought of roaches makes my skin crawl! I hate most little creepy crawlies.

I'm very sorry to hear about your mother, Mersh. And I think that leads into my answer for the QOTD. I'm afraid that my wishes won't be respected at the end of life and that extreme medical interventions will be conducted on my behalf. Thankfully I've taken many steps to make sure the people who need to know what my wishes are do know, but it still scares me. It also scares me to know that I'll have to make the decisions my mom wants me to make on her behalf when the time comes. I hope that I'll be able to live up to the challenge and do what's right for her instead of acting out of fear of losing my mom. I wish, in general, that wishes for death were something we talked more about as a society. :/

In happier news, I finished all of my work for the term YESTERDAY!!! WOOO!!! This is super awesome because the term doesn't end until Sunday and I'm leaving for a weekend vacation today. So I'm FREEEEEEE. And my next classes don't start until the 20th. w00t.

1: protein shake
2: no idea, but I've got cheese!
3: sous vide chicken thighs - I don't know about you all, but I always volunteer to bring the protein. a) it ensures I'll have something to eat and b) people like it because the protein tends to be the expensive part of the meal. :)

liquid and vites: on track
exercise: zenga class