My story

I was a band to VSG revision in December 2015. I lost close to 40 pounds in six months, and then my weight loss stopped. Wasn't at goal, but at first, I didn't mind the stall, because I rationalized it was better than gaining it back, right?

Wrong.

I have always been an emotional eater. ALWAYS. I knew going into this I had to conquer my emotions, and I set out with all the motivations in the world to overcome it. This time I had it. Then my biggest source of emotions came: my mother. No joke. I always allowed her criticisms of me and my weight to sit with me. I can talk to my therapist about it all day long, and ways to overcome it, but she is by far, the #1 reason for my mindset and self-hatred. Anyhoo... so I had lost weight, I was feeling great. She came down to visit for a week, and every single day she picked a fight with me. I tried to hold back, and did fairly well for close to four days, but then the negativity came out, and with it, my eating. I gulped down an entire box of Girl Scout cookies that she brought for my kids, in less than an hour. The day she left, I hopped onto the scale and saw I had gained EIGHT FREAKING POUNDS! It was like a pound for every day she was here :-( No worries I thought, I can peel this off in no time, and I'll be back to sitting on the losers bench.

So here we are... over a year later, and I'm up twenty pounds. I have a hiatal hernia, my reflux started up with a vengeance, and my WLS stated if I can't keep the weight off, and my reflux doesn't get better, he wants to revise me yet again... to a bypass. I do NOT want to do this! But my negative self-talk only seems to worsen, and I just feel hopeless. A coworker who I recommended to have WLS has done amazing, down 100 pounds, and now is the food police. Loves to tell me what they ate that day, and seriously... I'm jealous!

If anyone has been in a similar situation, or can offer up something, ANYTHING to help me with getting back on track, I would appreciate it.

Emotional eating was always my big thing and why I was so heavy and when it involves your family it's so much harder and I'm sorry that you have that in your life. Unfortunately I don't know if I have much advice other than stand up to your mother, or cut your loses. If she's that negative and hard on you and makes you miserable, you might need to limit or cut contact with her. Maybe that seems harsh, but it sounds like she's effecting your health so negatively if even seeing a therapist can't help you work through it. Believe me, I'm not just telling you blindly to cut contact with your mother. My mother is my cause for emotional eating too, part of it. I know how hard it is. It took me going through intense therapy and hospitals to finally start letting go and to just stop letting it effect me.

I have tried to limit the amount of time I speak to her. I am lucky in that she lives in another state, so physical visits are far and few between.

Ultimately our mothers aren't the cause of our emotional eating : we are. Sounds harsh and this isn't about blame. At some point we need to recognize we used food to comfort ourselves when we most needed comfort; food was all that presented itself at the time, and all we could see. There might have been other alternatives but we chose food, often because the true nourishment, connections with others weren't there. Real connections with people who care is what will get us out of this now.

And we're working so hard to get healthy and then mommie dearest drops in to drop a load on us she taught a whole language of how to talk to ourselves. And every time we do it's off to the fridge or junk food restaurant.

so one thing you can do to protect yourself is to stop inviting her to your place. Visit her at her place, for no more than 3 day data time. Or even maybe one. Work with your therapist on a plan of alternate ways tomrespond to her criticisms. A simple line like "I don't believe that" and walking away. Don't be affraid to,leave when she is critical.give her a one-***** warning: "if you speak to me like,that agin I'm leaving and I won't return until you decide to speak to me r4spectfully" and then leave, no matter what if she violates that boundary. Have an out to go to --,a

I have been actually discussing with my therapist similar scenarios like you mentioned. I won't have to see her again until July, and I have already told my husband I don't want to stay at her house, and I would prefer that instead of choosing another family member to stay with, we get a hotel, and meet out in public, where a) she is far less likely to cause a scene, and b) she cannot invite other family members that I do not like. Thus, I retain control of the situation. I'm hoping this helps!

Harpediem's advice is really good. The only other thing I would suggest is it may be time to try another therapist. I know we like/get comfortable with the one we have but if they aren't helping you learn ways to deal with your mother and tools to cope then find one who can. It's like any illness....if the first dr doesnt help fix it you keep trying to find one who can.

She is, I think when I wrote my earlier post, I worded it to seem like the therapist isn't helping.

Harpediem's advice is really good. The only other thing I would suggest is it may be time to try another therapist. I know we like/get comfortable with the one we have but if they aren't helping you learn ways to deal with your mother and tools to cope then find one who can. It's like any illness....if the first dr doesnt help fix it you keep trying to find one who can.

I was a huge emotional eater... bored? eat. sad? eat. happy? eat. tired? eat. (and so on)

I credit therapy as much as the surgery with my success so far. I found an amazing therapist specializing in eating disorders and body image. I started therapy about 5 months before the surgery, while I was still making up my mind. I figured my food issues needed sorted whether I had surgery or not.

If your therapist isn't giving you tools that are helping, you may need to seek out another therapist.

Ultimately, you have to protect your health, and that may mean establishing some very serious boundaries with your mother. Easier said than done, I know... but ultimately how you process her criticism is your challenge, you won't be able to change her.

Same with the co-worker. A Food Cop isn't helpful, and in fact is counter-productive. You'll likely need to lay down the law with her that your food and weight is off the acceptable topics for discussion list.

Good luck!!

You have already taken the hardest step by saying enough is enough and now I want to get back on track. I maintained 118-125 for over 10 years after losing 200 pounds. Due to a personal tragedy I gained and hit the 190 mark a year ago. After several starts it finally clicked and I am back to goal losing 70 pounds of regain. Here are some steps that helped me and I hope they will help you too! You may have several starts and stops but don't give up, don't beat yourself up. IT WILL CLICK!!! Our tool works if we work the tool and get back to the basics.

Planning/Preparing

Remember when we were preparing for surgery? How many meetings, classes and such did we attend? We were told the more prepared we were the better our chances were for success. And they were right. Go through the house, car and work place and get rid of trigger foods. Stock up on foods that will keep you on track. I removed every bad carb/sugar temptation and replaced it with lots of protein, veggies, grains and fruits.

Journaling

Get back to journaling. This will help you identify when you feel like eating, stress factors and any triggers in your life. Once you identify these factors, this will help you put tools in place to keep you from eating. It became clear I was not taking time for me anymore. I worked my day job and then spent the rest of my time caring for my husband. It was easy to reach for fast, prepackaged food. Since I purged my home I have to eat clean as there are no other options LOL

Use a tool to track you're eating and exercise like Getting Started with Health Tracker. Once I started to track ever bite and drink it became clear why I had gained.

Goals/Rewards

Make a list of goals for yourself. Make them realistic and small. Some of mine were move more, purge all junk from my home, eat more protein. If you didn't make a Weight Loss Surgery bucket list when you first had surgery do it now. GREAT reminder of all the things you can enjoy in life after losing weight.

Food

In general, a long term post-weight loss surgery eating plan includes foods that are high in protein, and low in fat?, calories, and sugar. Important, vitamins and minerals are provided as supplements. (if you had a different surgery adjust this to your food plan).

Water

Water is our Best Friend. I have to say I never went back to pop or any bad drinks, however I was drinking tea like crazy. What is wrong with drinking tea? I was either using sugar or 3 equals and 3 sweet n lows per 32 ounce glass. I found once I started carrying one of the metal bottles of water to keep it cold I drank water all day.

MOVE!

I can't say enough about how key this was for me. The reason I kept my weight off for almost 10 years was no matter what, I kept moving. If I could not go to the gym I would walk. Grab a cart and walk all the isles at your local box store. I loved Zumba, bootcamp workouts, lifting weights. When I stopped, the weight started coming back. So for me I am starting slow to avoid injury by walking and using some of the workouts on my Demand TV. Find something you love to do and it won't feel like a pain in the *** to do daily.

Support

If it's an option "run" don't walk to a support group. Come here on OH daily for support and participate in one of the food threads. It helps you be accountable and also great ideas for food prep.

Keep me posted on how you are doing.