Traumatic couple of years, weight gain, and support buddy

Hi VSGers-

I used to be fairly active on the boards, but as what tends to happen, my involvement dropped off.

I had my surgery 4 years ago and lost 100 pounds. I maintained for a couple of years and then started to gain back. I am currently up around 30 pounds.

I am trying to be easy on myself as some major stuff has affected my quality of life, self esteem, and ability to care for myself all around. As some background, I was married to an alcoholic. My life was constant chaos. Jail bailouts, hospital visits, paramedics, job loss, etc etc. I decided to leave him after walking in on him with another woman and him emptying our bank account. The separation was ugly, and I was unable to get the divorce papers signed due to a multitude of reasons.

This past March the disease of alcoholism finally took his life. He died homeless and alone and I am now a widow. Needless to say, the stress of taking care of my emotional, physical, and spiritual health has been far too difficult for me and I need to reach out for support.

I am terrified of gaining my weight back. And although the grief will always be with me, I can now close that ugly chapter of my life and return to self love. That being said, I am struggling to do it on my own. I would love to find someone who I can check in with regularly, lean on for weight loss support, and perhaps even meet up with and exercise with.

Thanks for "listening" to my sob story. I hope I don't come across as making excuses. My goal is to be honest with myself and to be kind to myself and begin to realize that I cannot be everything to everyone or perfect in every aspect of my life.

Hiya and welcome back. I'm sorry to read about the challenges you've faced and I'm glad that you're working to get back on track. Are you able to attend a bereavement group in your area to help work through the grief? I went to one at my local hospice after my dad's death and it was a very beneficial experience for me. Are you able to seek out a therapist in your area? Working with one has helped me throughout my weight loss experience as well as with my dad's death. Also, you mention spirituality, do you have clergy that you're able to talk with about this?

Hang in there. Healing after everything you've been through is a process - be kind to yourself.

This seems to me to be the place for that! Having been through hell my self, I can say just keep going and don't look back. You are a new better person who can move forward.

As for food, eat your protein first, 60 to 80 ounces per day is what your body needs. Then the veggies to get the minerals and other vitamins. If you have room left then think about the starches.

You were powerful enough to loose the 100, you are now free to loose the new 30. Have faith in your self.

Hi Bloodshotbetty!

I am so sad to hear about all of your challenges. My background is similiar to yours. It was before my surgery. I gained at least 100 lbs in a year and could not lose it. I went from a healthy weight and runner to an out of control PTSD survivor. I went to therapy and they put me on anti depressants which made everything a ton worse for me. It has been 10 years since the end of that marriage but the scars are still deep.

For the first time in so long I have felt a new freedom. I am released from the weight and I am back running every day. Even the days that I don't want to I go because I can. I can get OCD about it, too because I loved that physical high of running and working out.

There are some things I have not been able to bring mysellf to do. The biggest is I never allowed myself to get into another relationship. But for the first time in 10 years I can feel a desire for it starting. Maybe one day my heart will open in that area again. The healing has been long and intense!

You don't sound like you're making excuses at all. You sound like someone who has been through the ringer and coped using lifelong ingrained coping mechanisms that you maybe had hoped were behind you. Be proud that you are putting on the brakes at 30 pounds. Others will have great advice for getting off regain. I just wanted to wish you all the best!

Thank you so much for the support. I do have a therapist that I see weekly to help process my grief. And it makes total sense that I was using old coping mechanisms to get through this. I had not thought of it this way.

I bought a fit bit and a food scale. I have started tracking my protein again. I have family photos in August so that is good motivation for me.

I am trying to remember that my ex-husbands addiction ended up killing him. And, I certainly struggle with food addiction. If I continue on the path I am currently on, this addiction will end up killing me too.