WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Just hang in there and stay focused. I am nearly 7 months post op and when I got out of surgery, it with out a doubt sucked. At 12 days out, you still have post surgical swelling. Several things you have to keep in mind. You HAVE to get your protein level in. My surgeon wanted me at 90 grams a day, I pushed 150 grams a day and when I say him at the 1 month post op mark, he was amazed at how fast I was healing. Protein is what will help you heal, if you don't take enough of it, your body will start to take it from your muscles, including your heart. That is  bad for obvious reasons. Another concern considering the time of the year we are entering. You need to keep your fluid levels up, if you don't you will get dehydrated and you will not enjoy it believe me. I even now have to make a conscious effort to take fluids during the day. I used to prior to surgery drink all the time, now not so much. Just keep at it, I was terrified prior to surgery that it was a mistake and I shouldn't do it, but I still did it obviously and I wish I had done it years ago, you are on the right path, but like anything in life, you get out of it what you put into it. Good luck.

We're not all WLS Rockstars. I'm certainly not, and that became my motto when--for the first 4 weeks I couldn't even get my fluids in(Went twice to ER for IV fluids), and forget about my meeting protein goals!

I'm not exaggerating when I say I couldn't get in 100 calories per day for weeks on end. When I could get a little protein shake in, it would sit like lead and I'd be sick for the entire day. Getting my acid reducers sorted out helped a lot. But I had to ignore protein and try to teach my stomach to accept ANY food before I had any hope of digesting protein. I made instant mashed potatoes, ate unsweetened applesauce, with an occasional spoon of yogurt, and loads of SF popsicles to boost my fluid intake.

After about a week of that, Rupert(my tummy) started accepting protein drinks(if made into runny soymilk pudding), then cottage cheese and yogurt. A week later? He let me have proper cheese... and then finally meat(Butterball Roasted Turkey Breast from the deli is still one of Rupert's 2 favorite food, along with the SF protein pudding, and is how I meet protein goals.). It's was only at like... 6 weeks that I started getting all my fluids and my required 60-80 oz protein per day.

It takes a while, and it's okay too, you have to find what works for you, but the sooner you can get your body to accept your protein offerings, the better you'll feel. The second day I hit 60oz protein and 64oz liquids, I felt so much better it was like a lightswitch had been flipped. So regardless of my earlier determination to remain darned near carb-free, I went with the mashed potatoes and applesauce because they were easy to digest, and if I hadn't tried to start training Rupert, I'd just have had to have gone longer without protein. Mashed potatoes and applesauce got me to protein faster than waiting it out would've.

Also, I left the  hospital a week after surgery(complications) almost 300 pounds. Morning of surgery, I was 282. You definitely retain fluids, and those fluids stayed with me through my two days home and the next week in the hospital... until I was out again and my docs had me taking a diuretic to start draining it off.

It's not the easy way out, it's just the only way out. Some people sprint to the exit, and some of us walk a tightrope over a pit of snapping crocodiles and sharks with frickin LASERS on their heads. But you will get there. We both will.

If it is torture to watch your family eat, don'****ch them! Don't 'eat' when they eat. Go to another room, somewhere quiet and away from good food smells(even if you have to conquer them with a fragrant candle). Read. Netflix binge. Nap. If something makes your life harder, avoid it. I live with sugar addicts, and if they have sweets in the house(they do, 24/7, and usually more than one kind), I make them put them in places that I don't need to look at them. If they insist on leaving that tempting crap in high traffic areas, I pile dishtowels on top so I can't see them! Out of sight, out of mind. I'm not tempted if I can't see how they look like chocolately goodness. If I actually have to see that Oreo? Then I will fight myself out of the... I'LL JUST HAVE ONE... mindset.

Hang in there. Take it easy. Be kind to yourself. Reminders that 'you did this to yourself' are toxic. Blame isn't going to make you feel better physically or emotionally, not going to give you peace with what simply IS right now. This surgery wasn't a punishment and you're not getting what you deserved for getting too overweight.

Cry if you need to. Scream into a pillow if you need to. Examine what you're feeling and write it down, writ down why you feel that way. It's amazing how cathartic putting pain into words can be. But don't wallow in those dark, bitter emotions. Get them out and then get on with taking care of yourself.

The only way out is through. It will get better.

xo