I WantTo Cry

Today is my daughter's 13th birthday. We had a large family style dinner at our favorite restaurant. The problem was that this is day three of my two week liquid diet. I wanted to eat so badly. Everyone kept urging me to eat, even my husband. They all said vegetables wouldn't hurt. But I stuck to my guns, and only had water. When we got home, I even avoided the birthday cake and stuck to my broth with flavorless protein mixed in.

But I wanted to cry on so many levels. I love food... The smell, the texture, the pleasure I get from eating. I was sad in that I felt I had no support. Although they were teasing, several people joked about how I was pouting or grumpy; that in itself did make me grumpy. I sat there feeling like I was on the outside, not fully participating, and all because of food.

I'm already having doubts if this is the right path. Tonight made me wonder if I can even be a success at this. I've failed every other time I've either tried to lose weight or have lost weight and gained it back. I feel lost, and that's not like me.

I focused on my daughter today, and not the food. I'm telling myself that is a victory, and that if I could stay on the liquid diet with everyone urging me to eat tonight, My favorite foods no less, that I'm going to be ok. At least I hope so.

Sorry for the ramble. Sometimes I just wish I had a friend here (in real life) who I could talk to that would understand. Tonight I'm feeling alone and truly wondering if I can do this for the rest of my life.

You did so well today! I'm sorry you are feeling so doubtful and out of sorts. From where I sit you had a hell of a victory today. Your actions showed me that you are willing to do what it takes to take care of yourself. I am thrilled for you! You showed drive, determination and dedication. You proved tonight how important this is to you. 

Sadly, we can't control the people around us. I have also come to understand that unless you've been in our morbidly obese shoes, there may be empathy, but no real understanding of what it's like to be trapped in our morbidly obese bodies fighting a war that seems impossible to win, but repeatedly going into battle, combatting each new diet we chose to try. The joking and cajoling are usually meant in fun. There is often, I think, a bit of sarcasm and judgement that accompanies the haranguing. It's best to learn to look past that, whenever possible. 

The pre op diet is the hardest part of the VSG journey for most people who have to do a liquid diet prior to surgery. Stick it out and you will be rewarded with a wonderful tool that will not only help you lose the weight, but will also help you KEEP THE WEIGHT OFF! 

Stay strong! The 15th will be here before you know it! 

Thank you so much for writing this last night. I read it shortly before going to bed, and your words were with me all day. I am feeling much better today and feel proud of myself for last night. I needed the vote of confidence, and appreciate the support.

I think you proved your resolve by sticking to your plan. You can't help how other people act or respond to your situation. I have heard a number of people who have commented this is the easy way out. They have no idea, this is not the easy way. Naturally it is spouted out by people who can eat everything and not gain an ounce. The real tough part of this is not strangling the people who **** you off over it all. Lol! That said, I think you should have a one on one private chat with your hubby. Explain how tonight made you feel and that while you expect insensitivity and potential sabotage from strangers, you don't expect it nor will accept it from him. Then jokingly remind him that you are around him when he is asleep and vulnerable :P Yes I am saying that totally tongue in cheek. But you know you laughed at it. That said, hang in there, you are making the right decision, and that is coming from someone who was ready to jump off the gurney and grab my clothes and run out of the operating room when they rolled me in there almost 3 months ago.

I did chuckle reading this. ? I took your advice and did have a good conversation with my husband. He said he was proud of me and won't do that again. He said it was hard for him to see me struggling so much, but I explained how what he was doing made the struggle for me even harder.  It was a good conversation, and I appreciate the encouragement to speak with him.

You will be ok.  Everyone has doubts as their surgery date approaches.  The pre-op diet and the liquid diet immediately post-op are the toughest stages....and you just made it through a very difficult day.  You show true commitment, and if you continue to stay strong, you will do great. It's a roller-coaster ride for sure...but your life is about to change for the better.  I'd say 95% of the people here say they wish they had the surgery sooner.

Maybe you should have a talk with your husband telling him his support would help you very much.  That you've made a commitment to undergo WLS for your health.

Best of luck to you.  Keep reading, and keep posting - we understand what you're going through, and we rooting for you!

Mary

I appreciate the support. I did speak with my husband, and I know he sees now why I was so upset last night. Thank you for the encouragement!

The fact that you were able to withstand the pressure to eat (please have a serious conversation with your husband about your need for him to SUPPORT you!) tells me this is the right path for you.

I had the same doubts. I love food, I love to eat, and I was worried that it would be a big empty gap in my life. It is not. Your relationship with food will change forever. After surgery I was simply not hungry at all and eating was no longer a pleasure. It became nothing but a necessity to fuel my body. And there was nothing I had to do for that, it just automatically changed after surgery.

You can do this for the rest of your life, and you will, just make sure you have a good support team around you rather then people who are disrespecting your journey by urging you to eat. You are on your way to a healthier and happier you, you are not going to regret this, and in the week after surgery when the weight starts flying off, you're going to look back on this conversation and situation and tell yourself it was all totally worth it.

You got this!

I won't lie, I'm still nervous, but I'll keep everything you said in mind. I am looking forward to feeling better! Losing weight will be a huge bonus.  I'll have to keep reading these posts and know that the best is yet to come. ?

One thing I've learned -and it obviously depends on the willingness of others - is that celebrations like birthdays don't have to center around food. Maybe next year you can celebrate by doing another kind of activity - my favorite had been ice skating, (or bowling, things like that). I've discovered that it's a way to really connect with people, build some awesome memories and avoid the food. Sometimes it will be unavoidable that we are stuck in those situations but you've shown you are prepared for that. It's OK to be uncomfortable - another lesson I've learned. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you, it means you are human. But we have to learn to sit with those uncomfortable feelings and learn a new way to cope. 

Congrats on making it through. I def agree with everyone above and try having a conversation with hubby letting him know what kind of support you need right and down the line post -op. You deserve to have a voice and be heard and ask for what you need.

I wish you the best. If you ever need someone to talk to, send me a PM.