I can't see it

I am struggling with the emotional roller coaster ride that can come with VSG. 

I am really struggling with the fact that I am not able to see the changes in me. I lost 42 lbs and I am 8 weeks post op. I know I look different, I know I have changed physically, but I can't see it. I look in the mirror and I see the same fat girl I saw 2 months ago. all my family and friends tell me I look great and see major changes in me, and I simply can't see it. I look at my comparison pictures and I see the same girl before and after. Am I looking with my brain instead of my eyes? How come I can't see myself through other people's eyes?

People treat me differently. Before the surgery I could not walk for more then 5 steps without pain. I was hanging forward and walking was always a struggle coming with feelings of embarrassment and shame. I always felt like everyone was looking at me struggle, so to avoid that I stayed home most of the time, tethered with an invisible chain to my computer. Now that I am 42 lbs lighter, I can actually walk, and walk normally, without too much pain. I have the ability to pretty much go everywhere now. All of a sudden people give me friendly nods and say hello. That is new. So now that I am 42 lbs lighter and can walk normal I am deserving of a "hello"? I was not worthy of that 42 lbs ago? Is it because I carry myself differently and maybe appear more approachable to people? It angers me, I have the same head and the same heart I had 2 months ago, yet the world's perception of me has changed so much that I struggle with it. I don't know how to embrace it.

I hope I am not alone in this...

Your brain sees your face and automatically fills in the body that it thinks goes with that face.  If you look at before and after pictures and cover your head in both, then your brain will let you see the actual body.

People are saying Hello because you look happy and approachable. 

People like attractive people.  It is hard-wired into us as a way of finding a healthy mate to produce healthy offspring.

 It is not worth getting angry over. Just enjoy being attractive.  You are not going to change millions of years of evolution.  Nothing personal, just nature at work.

You are only two months out. The mental part is definitely the hardest. Are you taking your measurements? You should. Even if you cannot see the changes when you look at pictures, seeing the numbers should help you realize you are getting smaller. It took me about 3 years to see myself as I really look (and not still think I looked "fat").

Yep, my husband and I have been experiencing the same thing for a while now.  Everyone has something to say - and we certainly aren't asking anyone's opinions or care what they think really.  But people sure feel the need to comment.  My husband's got a new wardrobe, some really nice dressy clothes...and oh the comments on that.  

Now everyone has started to really focus on me (again, like I care what they think) - and the consensus is I'm too thin and need to stop losing weight.  I've held my tongue, they mostly mean well, but it's none of their darned business, right.

It doesn't help that a gal in our American Legion circle had sleeve surgery in July and hasn't done much with her gift....so that keeps the focus on my husband and I. It's awkward especially when she's around.

Unfortunately you can't change people.  Many are superficial and focus on what they see.  Personally we're happier with the changes people can't see....being off medications, being able to walk without having to take breaks, sleeping better, being able to have sex again, etc.

Focus on you, your health and the positive changes this surgery can bring.  

It doesn't help that a gal in our American Legion circle had sleeve surgery in July and hasn't done much with her gift....so that keeps the focus on my husband and I. It's awkward especially when she's around.

This happens to me all the time, too!! I'm 7 years out so most of the comments have died down but from time to time (most recently last weekend) I still hear "So-and-so is not doing NEARLY as well as you!!" I always feel badly for the people they compare me to.

It can get awkward that's for sure.  This gal's husband pressured her into getting the surgery. He thinks he's a stud...he looks 23 months pregnant.  Anyway needless to say - it's a glaring difference between my husband and I and her.  

Early on some folks were telling me to help her.  And what exactly am I supposed to do - 2 weeks post op she was drinking alcohol and eating carbs - way too soon to even be eating solid food at all.  We do feel bad about the comparisons, especially since we know her husband has been giving her s&^*t - he's smitten with me now...can barely even talk to me he's so freaked out.  Ick.  My husband thinks it's funny because he gets to have me - but it's uncomfortable you know?  And inappropriate.

I've also heard from some people who knew someone who had surgery (usually bypass) who did poorly, get very sick, almost killed themselves, back to the same bad eating habits, etc.  It's hard to know what to say to that.  It's not easy.

I'm six months out, lost 100#'s and I don't see it.  In support group the therapist said it can take a while for your head to catch up and realize the weight loss.  The first time I got a glimpse of my weight loss was when a coworker snapped my picture last week.  When I saw it, and saw the weight loss for the first time,I started to cry.

You are definitely not alone :)

You still have emotionally issues that should of been addressed before the surgery and you do probably hold yourself different that before and that's why you do get a hello now. Wishing you great success....

You are not alone in this.  Google body dysmorphia.  It will take a while for your head to catch up with your changing body.

It sounds like at your high weight, your whole being -- posture, pain, sense of misery and shame -- gave off vibes to other people that you didn't want any attention. Whether true or not, people probably responded to your unintentional message of "Leave me alone. I'm miserable." Should they have done that? No, it would be nice if people reached out to others in pain to help them, but generally they don't like getting involved in someone else's woes. No point in blaming them. You can't change how others behave and think.

My severe weight problem started in my late 40s, so I was more or less at a healthy weight for most of my life. To me, losing the weight is like coming home. Yet, I was heavy enough for long enough to still feel surprise when people comment on how much thinner I look. The scale says I've lost 110 pounds, but I still can't quite believe it. The longer one is heavy, especially from childhood on, the tougher it is to wrap your head around the new person emerging from weight loss. Give yourself time, along with some therapy if you need it, to adjust to the wonderful changes you're experiencing. Because they are wonderful! 

psychoticparrot