I've been MIA (tl;dr)

Now that my first term of college in 18 years is wrapping up, I feel I can take the time for a post.  

+College is going very well.  I'm finished with 3 of my 5 classes for the term and, if my outstanding grades are in line with my recorded grades, I'll be finishing up the term with all As.  One of my As is actually 106% - it's in the Nutrition class.  No surprise there, eh?  ;P  [I'm getting my AA in Exercise and Sport Science and my BS in Gerontology with a career goal of "helping older people to be more mobile."]  I have developed an inconvenient crush on one of my teachers.  I love and hate web classes depending on the prof and how the class is managed.  I'm currently taking Composition and Rhetoric, Personal Trainer Fundamentals, Nutrition and Weight Management, Introduction to Sport Management, and Introduction to Legal Issues of Sports, Recreation and Leisure.  

+Next term is a short two-week term (yikes) and I'll be taking General Psych.  The only reason I feel comfortable doing this in such a concentrated form is that I've taken Psych twice before (in high school for fun and in my first attempt at college for credit) so, in theory, the information is lurking in the deep recesses of my brain already.  It's M-F from 8-1 for two weeks.  

+College is sort of a big deal for me.  I never would have been able to do this pre-VSG.  My stomach was always so screwed up with IBS/fructose malabsorption/anxiety/whatever.  It pretty much ruled my life.  Now I have so much freedom and I never have to plan my life around the availability of bathrooms.  Plus.. me?  Exercise major?  LOLz.  But that's what this lifestyle change has given me and I love it.  Love it so much.  

+My actual Spring term starts later in January and I'll be taking Introduction to Human Anatomy and Physiology+Lab, Composition and Literature, Personal Health and Fitness, Introduction to Sport Psychology, Wellness for a Diverse Society.  I'm looking forward to all of these classes!  

+I registered for my first half marathon, which will be in fall 2016.  I started a training plan for that a few weeks ago and it's been going well, aside from some laziness over Thanksgiving.  I also started lifting weights following a plan from New Rules of Lifting.  This has also been going well!  I cut my fitness classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays to make time for lifting, but I still do classes on Wednesdays and Fridays.  The schedule works out well, I basically devote 5 mornings a week to exercise and then have two "rest" days where I just do some yoga at home.  

+My original post-WLS mental therapist left the practice, and I switched to a different therapist that was recommended by the original.  I'm VERY happy with the new therapist (I was happy with the old one too!) and I've "graduated" from weekly sessions to every other weekly sessions.  The new therapist is super focused and that's been good for me.  

+Freshman 15 is no joke.  While I haven't gained weight since I started college, it has screwed up my eating habits a bit and I'm still in unwilling maintenance.  Yesterday I threw up my hands and said "No More!" and tossed every scrap of crap/snack food in the house.  Fingers crossed that I can get back to the place I was a year ago in terms of dedication and forward progress.  I believe I can.  I've got the tools and support in place, I just need to get my brain back in the game.  

+My dad is doing "okay."  He's still got incurable cancer that will eventually kill him, but right now, things are okay.  He was finally able to have the cataract surgery that he's had to postpone for the last two years due to his cancer treatments, so I'm hoping that will be a big boon for his quality of life.  He voluntarily stopped driving as well, which is a HUGE relief for me and my mom.  

+Life is seriously pretty awesome.  If you'd asked me two years ago what my life would be like in 2015, it never would have included things like "college," "running races," "not enough time to get everything done," or "I 'only' lost 20 pounds this year."  I can't complain at all even if my life is far from whatever perfect is.  And, for the first time since I was a kid, I'm looking forward to VACATION!  Three entire weeks where I can read, watch TV, see movies, and RELAX.  It'll be awesome.  

Gwen I read your post and will admit to thinking long and hard about it before responding.

The easy part of my response is to say how great it is that your life is so much better.  Going back to school and getting A's rocks. And having a plan for the future is inspiring for sure. Glad to hear things are stable with your father too. 

So with that said, and remembering the countless times you've called others out here, I'm going to assume you are interested in me being totally honest with you. 

"+Freshman 15 is no joke. While I haven't gained weight since I started college, it has screwed up my eating habits a bit and I'm still in unwilling maintenance. Yesterday I threw up my hands and said "No More!" and tossed every scrap of crap/snack food in the house. Fingers crossed that I can get back to the place I was a year ago in terms of dedication and forward progress. I believe I can. I've got the tools and support in place, I just need to get my brain back in the game."

Having followed you here from the beginning, your situation does not sound like 'unwilling maintenance'. You've always been and continue to be an active participant in this process. Similarly,  'fingers crossed' is not a strategy to get you where you want to go.   Furthermore, it's almost impossible to roll the clock back to what you were successfully doing a year ago.

If you want to continue to make progress, you're going to need to dig really really deep to get a more robust strategy in place. The place you're at is a challenging one for sure, but you're obviously a very smart person whom I sincerely hope can be honest enough with yourself to make some big changes.  

Oh yes. I agree. I am certainly responsible for my choices and responsible for being in maintenance.  Unwilling maintenance was perhaps a poor phrase to use - I'm in maintenance, I'd rather not be, but I only have myself to blame for being here.  

Yes likely an unfortunate phrase. However, I'm going to challenge you again. Maintenance is a deliberate attempt to maintain our weight when we're finished losing. You've said you're not finished losing, and when you're in this 'in between' place, you're actually at risk to start gaining. 

I certainly don't want this post to become a war on words, and I'm certain you don't want that either, so I'll just say that no matter how the words can out, I think I've got a pretty good idea where you're at in your journey because it's a common dilemma that we see here frequently.

I think you're going to need a more robust strategy to take you the rest of the way. I think that may be hard to hear for you and many of us who've been following you, but I'm standing by it. 

That's fair.  

I guess the next few months will show if my strategy is robust enough.  I've been fairly content at 180 for a number of reasons, but now I'm ready to do the work I need to do to reach my ultimate goal.  

Hi Gwen! I couldn't keep up with you if I tried. That's a lot of changes all at once. Glad you can say that life is pretty awesome -- something almost none of us could say before surgery.

Enjoy your semester break and keep your "brain in the game."

psychoticparrot

I think the whole "lots of changes at once" is what has gotten me off the weight loss track.  My priorities have definitely shifted to put weight loss lower on the list than it had been.  I can see that more clearly now that I'm out of the woods a little bit.  It's definitely a mindset that is correctable!

You area proven winner!  My bet will be placed on you again.  You present as a strong woman...make it happen.  I'm a sore loser

Glad you are doing so well! Cracks me up that you wrote that you exercise 5 mornings a week and on your "rest" days you "do a little yoga". Imagine yourself saying that just a few short years ago. You inspire me!

Seriously!  I "only" do some yoga on my "rest" days.  How did I turn into someone who actually loves to do some sort of exercise every single day?  It's amazing.  :D  I'm glad I've turned into the person I've become.